Boyfriend.. entitlement behaviours.

[ShudderIck]

AIBU?? To be irked that the guy I'm seeing helps himself to stuff in my house.

It started with things like teabags, or he'll just take an apple from the fruit bowl and start eating it. I have started commenting saying "oh don't mind that was for my kids, you just help yourself!!"
I don't mean making a cup of tea, I mean stuffing a handful of teabags into his pocket whilst declaring he needs to get himself some more peppermint tea. In a rheotorical "it's alright for me to take these, isn't it" kind of way.
Lately he has used something from my first aid cupboard, but to excess and as a result theres now not the supply of it that I'd normally keep. He wasn't freshly injured, he had a mild ailment that he has used this ointment on..but poured it excessively and without consideration that it costs me hard-earned money. I'm trying not to be too outing, but it is something that's now hard to get hold of and going for £20 a bottle online.

I am feeling a bit taken for granted, in many aspects of my life.... and it's something I'm working on in therapy.

But I am really struggling with whether I am being dramatic to be pissed off with this behaviour?
I was very much brought up with the manners that you don't help yourself to things in people's homes. Even with my best friend of a decade, I wouldn't just start eating her food without asking first or waiting to be offered.

But yet boyfriend just takes and takes without consideration.
I can't do the same at his, I wouldn't anyway, but his place is such a bachelor pad that he doesn't have things I could use to excess/take anyway.

My fear is that I'm dating a cocklodger, but I'm worried I'm being OTT.

So..would this annoy you?

Omg metatanium!! That stuff is literally vanished! I just vanished and only found 1 tube on eBay for £83 😲 .

However will be replace it?

The selfishness of that is off the scale.

I’m wondering why you don’t trust yourself and your own judgment to let it guide you here? You state this man is behaving in ways you wouldn’t even with your best friend, and is showing an entitlement to suit himself and a disregard for you/your kids. But it’s like you don’t feel that’s enough to act on or to feel genuinely aggrieved by. It absolutely is; and as I cannot stand stingy, grabby and selfish people I’d be giving him his matching orders in this situation.

I agree. But that poster said he should provide, not that he should fund himself

Alternative plan. Meet somewhere neutral. Locate a unit of the cream to buy (I know you didn't want to do this but it's the most likely way to actually get it) have it in your basket set to deliver to you. When he gets there, show him and ask him to give you his card so you can put that in to replace your item. If he tries to fob you off, make it clear this is the end for you two. If and when he actually pays up, wait till the order is dispatched then end it. Do not let him come round to yours in the meantime.

Well if he is staying there yes he should be providing. Buying food, contributing to bills and cleaning and tidying. He is cocklodging CF!

While others miss the actual point by a mile.

Its not about the items. Its about the attitude.

Or the fact he took them - without asking. Which is theft. You can’t just help yourself to other people’s things in their houses. Esp not the children’s food!

I think taking tea bags home is a piss take. But you also don’t like him very much, the apple is petty. The ointment, somewhere in between.

Thats what I am saying. Its not about a teabag that cost pennies, or an apple. Its about the attitude. Which is i want this, im taking it, I dont have to ask, I dont care if its ok with you.

People are missing the point when they say whats the big deal, its only this, its only that. It could be a penny he picked up off the floor or a diamond ring, what it is isnt the point. Its the attitude.

Yes and the entitlement to her things.

A rude and inconsiderate person is not someone I’d want to hitch my wagon to.

i have a few exes like this. They think women are a resource. They behaved as if I was petty when I asked for my things back.

It's never just about the tea bags, or the washing up, or the bins, is it.
It's always about the build up of resentment when people take advantage, take you for granted, or just don't care.
You can't get back from resentment. Time to move on.

Forget all the complicated advice, as others have said he sounds like he either doesn’t understand the practicalities of life for you as a parent or really doesn’t care as long as his immediate needs are met. I’d get shot, good luck.

Throw him back into the sea - he’s an entitled wanker

hope this helps

Jeezus, @ShudderIck dump and block.
He's entitled and really testing your boundaries. He's off.

Text him: This relationship isn't working for me. Please don't contact me again.
Then block him.

It's a no-brainer. Honestly.

Oh wow. That is not good. The sneaky, deceptive behaviour.

This is the first I’ve heard that tcp is hard to get these days, damn!!!

He's a hobosexual, and he probably thinks he's cracking in bed . I don't know if this has come up but I got so cross just reading page one and had to get it off my chest.
No one should be this bored 😖.

I think the apple wouldn't bother me. If my partner is over, I would like him to feel comfortable eating an apple or a few grapes if he is hungry, the stuffing his pocket with tea bags is a different thing! I suspect though it is less about the apple and more about entitlement and boundaries. And, even more importantly, communication - have a chat with him about that more generally rather than about the apple/ointment, which would sidetrack things and make it easy for him to dismiss as petty.

He's taking her kids' fruit and using all her ointment like there's no tomorrow and stuffing his pockets with her teabags. He's the Temu bargain boyfriend.

Temu bargain boyfriend. Top phrase.

Sorry, but your kids come first. If he’s taking food meant for them and not replacing it, then he needs to go.

I’m sorry but you’re being pathetic, tight & mean!

You need to be more assertive. No, you can’t stuff my teabags into your pocket, I’m not a food bank. Send a link to the ointment online and demand he replaces it. Tell him to buy some apples. Get rid of him along the way.