Boyfriend.. entitlement behaviours.

[ShudderIck]

AIBU?? To be irked that the guy I'm seeing helps himself to stuff in my house.

It started with things like teabags, or he'll just take an apple from the fruit bowl and start eating it. I have started commenting saying "oh don't mind that was for my kids, you just help yourself!!"
I don't mean making a cup of tea, I mean stuffing a handful of teabags into his pocket whilst declaring he needs to get himself some more peppermint tea. In a rheotorical "it's alright for me to take these, isn't it" kind of way.
Lately he has used something from my first aid cupboard, but to excess and as a result theres now not the supply of it that I'd normally keep. He wasn't freshly injured, he had a mild ailment that he has used this ointment on..but poured it excessively and without consideration that it costs me hard-earned money. I'm trying not to be too outing, but it is something that's now hard to get hold of and going for £20 a bottle online.

I am feeling a bit taken for granted, in many aspects of my life.... and it's something I'm working on in therapy.

But I am really struggling with whether I am being dramatic to be pissed off with this behaviour?
I was very much brought up with the manners that you don't help yourself to things in people's homes. Even with my best friend of a decade, I wouldn't just start eating her food without asking first or waiting to be offered.

But yet boyfriend just takes and takes without consideration.
I can't do the same at his, I wouldn't anyway, but his place is such a bachelor pad that he doesn't have things I could use to excess/take anyway.

My fear is that I'm dating a cocklodger, but I'm worried I'm being OTT.

So..would this annoy you?

This sounds like my DH, he helps himself to absolutely anything meant for other people including the food on their plate or the last water in a bottle on a 10 hour walk and then says I'm selfish and he's generous. Yet he never seems to demonstrate that generosity. If you get a bad vibe from it - listen. Wish I had.

Ewww what an absolute loser he is.

How has no one stabbed him with a fork yet?

How can you be physically attracted to a man like that? Instead of providing, he is sponging off you. What in this relationship for you?

The tea bag grab would have been the immediate end for me. He’s a moocher and a dickhead. Grim.

Apart from this. Do you go round to his house? What actual joy does he add to your life?

When I first started reading your post I thought 'Jeez, can't imagine begrudging my boyfriend an apple' but then I got to the part about filling his pockets with teabags and immediately thought 'Oh right, sorry, yeah, dump this arsehole'.

Reading your follow-up posts it genuinely does feel to me as if he's doing this thing on purpose just to prove to you that he can. He knows you don't want him taking your stuff that you need for your kids or can't always shop for easily, but he still does it and then claims he 'forgot'. It's almost like a weird little power game he's playing.

I think most people, upon being told that the apple they'd eaten was needed for a kid's lunchbox, would be mortified and feel bad about it. They wouldn't 'forget' next time that they weren't supposed to eat them. He sounds like a total prick.

If someone i was in a long term relationship with expected me to ask for an Apple I would cringe ! However stuffing tea bags I pockets seems very odd!
Does he contribute ?
Do you go to his house ?

It seems he is annoying you with this so I can see it’s an issue for you. Maybe chat to him?

@ShudderIck this is a definite dump job. He has been ‘sneakily’ using that ointment to the point of finishing it? Stuffing his pockets full of tea bags? Oh God no. This is a mean little creature, selfish and contemptuous of you. Mean and nasty, sorry.

Exactly what I was gonna say.

What's he doing round your house anyway? Because if he's doing little DIY jobs thats ok but if all he's doing is soaking up all your heating/provisions then thats not ok. Just meet him for dates.

When was the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers?

By their microbehaviours shall ye know them. Get rid of him.

This^.

If I may, I would amend your excelkrnt quote to say by their micro misbehaviours. @MrsGaryMcNumanface

It’s not a patch on Metanium! I have a new tube in our first aid box that I must have bought just before they discontinued it!

I'd never take something (emergency aside) without asking.
Mind you, people see things differently. Some friends use bathroom products when they're guests-I just wouldn't, I'd take my own. I didn't even like it when a friend who was round for a party started putting stuff IN my fridge without asking first, so maybe I'm weird, but I just don't mess with other people's stuff!
If he's coming round often, it would be reasonable for him to give you some money/have his own stuff ther,

He is annoying you so dump him surely that's obvious

Taking handfuls of teabags is very odd... i've never known anyone to do something like that, it would be mentioned and frowned upon.

As for the cream - again just no. Why would you continue to use someone's cream after being told not to? again that's not really acceptable.

I think i would have been very direct by the 2nd time they done it so they knew exactly where they stood and they would have know if it happened again they would be out.

I totally get that. It’s the attitude and then you feel you “shouldn’t be petty” because it’s only x and y but it just shows his general entitlement and eventually it’ll be something that really matters and you’re further in so you may as well cut it off now.

i wondered if it was metamium. That’s crazy he used the whole thing, you only need such a tiny amount, it goes so far! Was he slathering his whole body in it or something?? 🤣

Oh ignore that poster. I find it very grim and irksome to behave like your boyfriend. For me that would be it I think. No way coming back from not showing respect and consideration.

Are you the boyfriend?

OP I think if you continue with this relationship you'll always find that what's yours is his - but that what's his is also his.

He has no respect for you and your life. Time to let go.

That isnt appropriate unless he is paying towards it. Tell him straight its unacceptable.

I had this with an ex (he lived in one city,me in another)

It started with 'can you grab me a bag of crisps at the shop?' (no offer of money) and ended with him helping himself to whatever he fancied from mine when he went home

He lived closer to tesco than i did but just couldn't be bothered to walk there and it was cheaper to help himself to my jar of coffee,a tray of meat or a tin of paint (his whole flat was painted with my old tins of leftover paint)

I was a skint single parent and couldn't afford to sub his house as well as my own

When I finished it with him,he wasn't upset about losing me,he was gutted he couldn't help himself anymore and had to pay for himself

Says it all

Plan to go somewhere with him. You drive. Say, “Oh, I just remembered we need to pick up a few things.” Go to the store and make sure he comes in with you. “I want your opinion on something’s.” Put the stuff he’s been helping himself to in your trolley. Go to checkout. Tell him you know he hasn’t had time to replace things, but as he’s here now he’ll be paying. And stop being passive aggressive about things like the apples. Just tell him flat out to stop it, you can’t afford it.

Why should he provide?

He shouldn’t be freeloading from anyone, and yes couples look after each other in all kinds of ways. A sponging loser is not what op needs, when she can have an attractive, generous gentleman that wouldn’t dream of stealing her children’s food. Repulsive!