Boyfriend.. entitlement behaviours.

[ShudderIck]

AIBU?? To be irked that the guy I'm seeing helps himself to stuff in my house.

It started with things like teabags, or he'll just take an apple from the fruit bowl and start eating it. I have started commenting saying "oh don't mind that was for my kids, you just help yourself!!"
I don't mean making a cup of tea, I mean stuffing a handful of teabags into his pocket whilst declaring he needs to get himself some more peppermint tea. In a rheotorical "it's alright for me to take these, isn't it" kind of way.
Lately he has used something from my first aid cupboard, but to excess and as a result theres now not the supply of it that I'd normally keep. He wasn't freshly injured, he had a mild ailment that he has used this ointment on..but poured it excessively and without consideration that it costs me hard-earned money. I'm trying not to be too outing, but it is something that's now hard to get hold of and going for £20 a bottle online.

I am feeling a bit taken for granted, in many aspects of my life.... and it's something I'm working on in therapy.

But I am really struggling with whether I am being dramatic to be pissed off with this behaviour?
I was very much brought up with the manners that you don't help yourself to things in people's homes. Even with my best friend of a decade, I wouldn't just start eating her food without asking first or waiting to be offered.

But yet boyfriend just takes and takes without consideration.
I can't do the same at his, I wouldn't anyway, but his place is such a bachelor pad that he doesn't have things I could use to excess/take anyway.

My fear is that I'm dating a cocklodger, but I'm worried I'm being OTT.

So..would this annoy you?

‘Oi, stop taking my stuff, this has got to stop!’

I would get the tube of magic cream back from him through badgering-every conversation and text, ‘have you ordered it yet?’ and then dump him. He is not respecting you, your home, your kids or your boundaries.

It seems like he’s treating your house as a place he can just go shopping in.

My kids sometimes did that when they were skint students at university, but I was ok with that as they were my kids!

I kind of get where you are coming from especially on the expensive ointment but you are in a relationship. you are basically saying when he visits/stays over you want him to act like either a guest or one of your children. Surely at this point it should be a case of being comfortable. That doesn’t take away the fact it should be more give & take and not just take.

Think this relationship is not right

Yes this would annoy me. I’d say no, no, no

He’s a thief and will get worse

The boyfriend's arrived!

I agree with what everyone else has said. It's disrespectful behaviour and he doesn't care. If he did he would've replaced things by now.

Let me guess though.... Original yellow metanium? Easier to get precious metals than that stuff now.

Dump him (by text)

Tell him he's taking the pss and he either packs it in or fucks off.

Ong he’s off the scale as a cocklodger!!! This is on a new level of theft!!!😳😳😳😳 get the £ off him to replace EVERYTHING he’s stolen off you! It is that! STEALING!!!! Don’t let him in your house again!

The tea bag stealing would give me the absolute ick. How tight! It's not a hotel when you can sneak out goodies from the room..I'm cringing and would let this one go..

Is it on Amazon or Boots... def send him the link and ask him to order it on line.. If it was something like sun cream (which I am really particular about) used up nearly my whole supply. I'd be peed off too.

Add that to stuffing his pocket with tea bags... that's incredably wierd and it feels like he thinks of your place as his parents house... a storehouse of useful things he can't be bothered or hasn't got round to buying but which is there as the prince of the house, for him to help himself to.

I think he's showing a bit of unconscious entitlement... what's yours is mine, thinking - only you know how far reaching that could be but I think a pp said if someone displays that behaviour in one area, its probably lurking in others.

If you didn’t do the courses with women’s aid then YES you will have picked up another abusers as that’s what we do until we do these courses and learn from them!!

Why are you putting up with this? This would be another man leaving my house on the toe of my boots.
Does he bring anything to your house or does he just take your food and drink?

I’d forget the test. He’s already proven that he’s one of life’s takers. Consider the cost of replacing the stuff he took as the price of freedom from having to think about this any more, buy it yourself (if he buys it you’ll always be reminded when you use it!) and tell him he’s given you the ick by being so entitled and self centred.

I get pissed off when DP eats the kids apples, he is their father and contributes to buying them. But ai bought them for the lunches and I organise them so it pisses me off that the correct supply is gone.
I think so would start saying no, no you can’t eat those they are for the kids lunches. No you can’t use the ointment or my products as you didn’t replace the last lot. So no, stop taking my shit or fuck off, might be the language I use in this instance.

I'm annoyed just reading this.

What sort of an adult would go to somebody's house and help themselves to tea bags? Or go through the first aid box in the first place (unless an actual emergency)? Would you eat a piece of fruit every time you visited a friend without being offered one?

No, because none of those things are normal behaviour.

I had one of these once. Long time ago before I began reading mumsnet and before I'd heard of the term cocklodger and saw sense. Could have saved me had I known it was a thing.

Mine sponged off me for years, treating my home like a fully stocked shop. Ironically would turn up empty handed, save for his own snacks. If I ever popped to the shop he always wanted 'whatever I was having too'.

Opened cupboards, ate snacks used toiletries, made himself very much at home. After years of eating countless meals at mine I snapped and said he'd be making me dinner for once. Turned up empty handed and started going through my cupboards for ingredients. I kid you not. Sent him to the shop to spend his own money and the complaints about cost of ingredients when he was back was almost hilarious.

Good luck!

@AgnesMcDoo Ah just got you meant weird and tight. You don't think it's tight of him to stuff handfuls of teabags in his pocket to take home?

🤣🤣🤣 Spot on re the rarity of metanium!

Some peoples relationships are tragic. Imagine being annoyed and starting a forum about your partner using some meds, an apple and teabags when they are staying with you 🤣

YANBU, this is rude. How long have you been seeing him and is he officially your boyfriend? In an established relationship I wouldn't expect someone to ask before making themselves a cup of tea at mine, but to grab a handful of tea bags to take home is absolutely unacceptable - it sounds like he's testing your boundaries.

😂 just get sudocrem!

But it's not a teabag is it. It was handfuls of them, with the presumption this was acceptable behaviour.

To me, it's adult -and polite - to ask. Like when people used to ask to borrow a cup of sugar... they'd ask. They wouldn't just help themselves to it.

I do care about him, a lot.

The first time I made a comment about the ointment, should've been enough. But he has continued to sneakily use it to the point it's used up - thats bloody cheeky!!

I was about to say, it’s the mental load of being a parent (does he have kids?) and having to constantly think what you have in the house and what needs replacing. I know that I shop week to week and have a pretty good handle of what me and the kids have and need at home, having to factor in another adult drifting in and taking from that would really piss me off!

I definitely would not be continuing this relationship. It would open my eyes to the fact he is a taker, and doesn’t appreciate me or the fact I have to bring up children. Some weeks in this house I know exactly how many apples I need and there are none spare!

My DP and I have been together years, live next door to each other but never plan to amalgamate more than we do…so two separate households…there’s plenty of times I’ll add some bird food to my shop for him in the ironmongers or maybe black bags as I know he’s running low, today he nipped in to the shop and came out with teabags for me as he remembered I keep forgetting them, bizarrely, this week. I don’t even take a paracetamol at his without checking it’s ok, that’s just manners for goodness sake and he does the same at mine - he’d never dream of doing what your ‘D’P did. My DP will also grab bits when doing his shopping for my kids that he’s seen and think they might like, a pack of ice creams say or a punnet of raspberries. It all balances out and we are both happy.

I suggest you either dump or have a proper sit down talk about this.