AIBU to feel awkward being excluded from my cousin's wedding when she’s coming to mine?

[worryingday]

Me and my cousin are both getting married next summer only about a month apart. We are inviting the whole family including them. They are inviting almost all the family (including other cousins) but excluding us… We are having similar sized big weddings, ours is slightly smaller. They haven’t explained why we’re excluded. We’re still as close as ever, see them regularly along with all the other family members who are invited, and they have accepted our invite (obviously hasn’t officially gone out yet).

I know you can invite who you like but it just feels really awkward with them being part of our wedding plans and getting updates but they talk about theirs and we’re not invited…

Im not going to exclude them from our wedding but AIBU to feel a bit awkward?

Or Perhaps older and wiser (and in some cases) personal experience of how these things usually go.

Agree!! Not a chance. I wouldn’t be at the evening do either.

I believe my post to be very measured and gives a view of how I would feel in this situation - certainly not soap opera! Otherwise I’d be advising OP to have a hair pulling fist fight preferably in a pub, where she finds out her cousin is really her Mum.
Anyway I hope you take as much trouble writing to the other 95% of us who would be upset and hurt because EVERYONE in the family has been invited except OP and her widowed mum!!

I've already agreed that I'd be upset and hurt. And I'm furious about the treatment of OP 's mother.
But I also understand that OP wants get family to be intact for her wedding. And if she responds in the ways that some posters have suggested, her family will end up splintered further, and well beyond the weddings.

This is really awful, OP, and I think it sounds like your cousin is going to have her work cut out for her marrying someone who wants everything her own way and will not even compromise a tiny bit to invite all her loved one's family instead of some work colleagues, causing ructions in your family relations! It's a shame your cousin isn't prepared to stand up to her even at this early stage! Leave them to it and I'm sure your cousin will learn her lesson and apologise a few years down the road. Rise above it and I bet other relations will be on your side but the main thing is to enjoy your wedding which you are planning with kindness and fairness! Enjoy your day!

I would tell family that ask, and those that don't, that you haven't been invited and are a bit hurt. Don't make excuses for your cousin. Take the high ground and let her come to yours. She will look like a dick.

If Aunts etc are asking you why you're not in the Hen night WhatsApp group just tell them you have not received an invitation to your cousins wedding and neither has your Mum. If you have not sent out wedding invitations yet if seriously reconsider sending your cousin to your wedding but instead send an invitation to evening instead.

All very well the ‘explanation’ given to you but how are you not invited due to other favourite cousins siblings being more important when even her aunt isn’t invited? If it were true surely she would invite your mum and leave out one other cousin as well as you? Sounds like they’re clutching at straws to avoid saying it’s because of your dad sadly.

OP, this is an appalling situation for you but especially your mother. It speaks volumes to who they are and what their future will be.

Be honest if asked but do take the high road.

Your own wedding is your time to celebrate your marriage with those you love. Don’t let this action affect your plans.

I’m sorry if this creates a rift with your cousin. Consider carefully what you want your future to be. I would avoid anything inflammatory that could cause greater division.

Please consider something special with your mum. It can’t take away the pain, but perhaps create joy in its place.

I am so sorry you are in this position.

So the other bride gets to invite her family but your cousin doesn’t get the same?

she invited the other cousins and really strange you and mum aka aunty didn’t make the cut esp as all see each other

only you can decide whether to go in the evening / guessing be lots of other guests there as well tho friends not family only doing evening

OP, you do realise that your wedidng being a month apart from your cousin's is the entire reason for this?

Also, I wouldn't be too quick to lay all the blame at the feet of the other bride. Your cousin is an equal participant in her own wedding, and if she wanted you and your mum to be invited, you would have been.

My cousin never spoke to me again after my wedding was a month before hers, even though we had got engaged before her and I am a bit older than her. I couldn't put it off another year. I can imagine my husband's reaction to being told he needed to wait another year to get married because my cousin's a vain cow! 🤣

All this is to say, yes, some people really are that pathetic, petty, and competitive.

Oh - and OP, DO invite them to your wedding! They'll have to come, and since they're upset about your wedding being a month before yours, they'll hate every second! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Could not one be in May and one at the end of July? Or June and September? It’s expensive for guests at 1 month apart but even then, why does it matter to the brides? It’s all a bit childish really.

The OP said her cousin was cagey about the dates they had in mind when the OP was asking. So the OP booked her dates not knowing when her cousins wedding was.