Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

[CurdinHenry]

Not because I want to go in a heavy night out

Not because I think I have any right to tell them what to do

I just don't enjoy their company so much when I'm having a glass of wine and they're having a fizzy water

I don’t drink much or often anymore, I wasn’t a regular drinker before but I drank a lot when I did.
i feel less fun myself now 😂 but I don’t have lethal hangovers when I wake up or the dreadful hangxiety anymore so it’s definitely better this way.
I still socialise with people and no one comments (to my face at least!) about me not drinking. But I could understand if someone said to me that I was more boring now!! I do appear it although I’m still a nice person!

You do realise lots of people have informal, candid relaxed friendships where they drink nothing stronger than coffee?

Do you feel unable to relax without alcohol inside you?

You are kind of proving OP's point. It isn't so fun to be around someone who is judging you for being tipsy. It is a bit like eating cake in front of someone as they look at you with pursed lips and tell you that they don't eat between meals.

I think it’s more you don’t enjoy your own company when others aren’t drinking with you.

What you have to realise is that not everyone can moderate their alcohol intake. For some of us, it's a choice between not drinking at all or drinking too much - there is no halfway of having 'a few drinks'. Out with friends, you risk drinking to the stage where you become boorish or over-candid or embarrassing, and then carrying on alone when you get home, and then waking the next day with a terrible hangover and remorse.

For some of us, it just isn't worth it. We have to acknowledge that we have lost something - the genuinely nice, chatty, mellow stage of drinking - for a much greater gain, a life free of the control of alcohol, hangovers, guilt, days written off.

`It isn't like that for everyone and you are lucky if you can drink sensibly in moderation. But some people can't.

No, I didn't. Because OP said "a drink", which doesn't make you tipsy. But yes, it is problematic to only be able to have a good time when you are tipsy and those around you are, too. It's just not normal. While being sober actually is...

Anyway, I was addressing all of the comments that seem to equate "having fun" with being under the influence. So more than just having a drink...

@LejlaKapovic I actually don't think tipsy or drunk people are fun to be around. They tend to be obnoxious, loud, rambling and incoherent. Oh, and revealing too much private information that nobody wants to know.

I absolutely want to know!

My and my friends ' rambling, incoherent, indiscreet days are long gone - but I certainly do miss them

The fact that you have started this thread does imply that you think and an awful lot about alcohol, love talking about it, etc. It might be worth trying a period of sobriety - see how easy you find it, how reliant on the booze you really are.

I just can't see someone with an entirely healthy relationship with alcohol caring about it enough to start this thread.

I know you think you're fine - you know it's quite common to deceive oneself about one's relationship with drink, and other addictiv substances. If you ever decide to confront the truth, there is help out there for you....

If I am wrong, and you haven't started the thread due to your obsession with, and obsessive need to talk about, alcohol, then you must have a Hell of a lot of time in your hands .....

I agree. It's not about the actual drinking aspect for me though it's more about the reasons behind it and how it changes the night out.

I hardly ever go out drinking with friends now, they all drive because they all have kids. They don't want to be out late because they have to get back to babysitters or they don't want poor sleep or hangovers the next day.

I do miss the nights out where it didn't feel like there was a time limit on them and we could just see where the night took us.

I'd say its more like you both go on a skiing holiday but your friend walks down the slopes while you ski.
You are exhilarated and full of joy at the speed and the way you managed to get in some perfect turns down that difficult icy bit. They are calm and content because they've admired the views and the crisp crunch of walking through the snow. You can both appreciate that the other is enjoying themselves but it is not a shared experience for either of you.

Agreed. I can’t drink very much, after a glass or so of wine my body just says no. I miss the gentle silliness that wine in good company can create.

I don't anyone is suggesting that you can only have a good time when drinking. It is more about when you are drinking, it isn't so fun being around people who aren't. Surely that is the case with most activities though.

But pretending it doesnt have these effects is daft.

Yup. Great explanation. Even chimpanzees use alcohol.

That's a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig stretch.

I am not much of a drinker these days. But am happy to go out and not drink. In fact that's always been the case as I stay more rurally than some of my friends so generally always drive. Some of my friends have never seen me drunk.

i've never been the "share a bottle" kind of friend anyway as I can't stand wine - and even half a glass has an effect as it really flares my rosacea as well as making me tipsy.

i don't stay as long at nights out, i tend to leave once people hit the repeating stories level of drunk- because hearing the same story multiple times really isn't a fun time.

drinking makes my anxiety much worse anyway.

I genuinely don't care if others drink or not.

I like my "pretend booze". I love a cold beer after a hot day, or in a beer garden or traditional pub. I like the taste, and the slight hoppy buzz.
I like a cold glass of wine with crisps of an evening watching a film with DH.
These things give me a similar pleasant feeling that I used to get from the alcohol version, but with no health costs.

I'm not a child, I have no desire to sit and drink fizzy pop. And if having a glass of beer in front of me means people don't notice I'm not consuming actual alcohol, bonus, fits the vibe better.

Why are people on here so insanely judgemental about even small amounts of alcohol consumption? It's a relaxant, of course it alters the social dynamic, and of course people enjoy that.

If what you class as fun is actually just wild drunk behaviour then no obvs non drinkers don’t do that as much. If you’re dancing on tables past 30 give yourself a shake though - how embarrassing.

I enjoy being able to remember the conversations I had.

You think drinking something with no alcohol in makes you a child @SpaceRaccoon ? In my experience as a post-menopausal woman, it makes you an older adult. I like alcohol, I enjoy a glass of wine but increasingly I’m on fizzy water or peach iced tea.

Surely this depends on the person. I tend to drink fizzy water or non alcoholic beer when out. Sometimes because I'm driving but often because alcohol can make me feel really bad.

I'm still good company and have a good laugh. I'm not stiff and formal ffs just because I've not had a drink of alcohol. I've even given some rip roaring karaoke renditions while completely sober 😁

I understand its a social lubricant but surely if these people are your friends you're already very relaxed in their company?

I really do think that it says more about you OP if you can't enjoying yourself when your friend isn't drinking alcohol.

People don’t tend to meet up with others to “enjoy their own company” do they?

It's true. My husband gave up drinking as he drank too much and also had anger issues when drunk. I've never had a problem having one or two only. And honestly? He is boring now that he doesn't drink even though I'm very proud of him. He also did the classic thing most addicts do and started demonising any level of drinking, shaking his had if I had one glass and calling me an 'alchie'. Our social life died because he felt weird about not drinking. It's a real thing for sure.

I've recently had a big falling out with a friend, we both made mistakes and hurt each other, but I've really tried to reflect properly and I think the whole thing is tied to the fact that she likes a drink and I've cut right back.

It's changed the dynamic of pur friendship to such an extent that I think she (subconsciously) engineered a big falling out so she didn't have to spend time with me sober. While everyone around her is drinking, she can convince herself her drinking, and the idea that life is boring without drink, is normal

I agree. I avoided alcohol free beer for a long time because what's the point, may as well have water, but it does give the same "feeling" as the first taste of real beer.

This is really interesting. I love dancing, I go to festivals with social dancing and don't drink alcohol at all because I don't want to feel sick (being spun around quickly and alcohol don't go together). There's loads of laughter and fun. It's a real shame that this kind of social dancing is a minority interest these days. It's really odd that social nights out mostly just revolve around drinking.

On the flip side, as someone who has never been able to drink due to a medical condition, I’ve had a lifetime of snide comments or being ostracised about the fact I don’t drink, even when I’ve explained it’s medical when asked. Otherwise I don’t mention it and have always joined in socially. Also it’s always those same people enthusiastically inviting you to something when they’re looking for a driver. Sums them up really, not true friends.

I would rather friends judged each other by their behaviour and if there’s a connection, not by what’s in their glass. I have good friends who are heavy drinkers, and those who don’t. Makes no difference to me and thankfully as I’ve aged (mid 50s now) and more people are not drinking or given up, it’s now become less of an issue. Honestly from experience, it’s not nice being judged by what’s in your glass.