Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

[CurdinHenry]

Not because I want to go in a heavy night out

Not because I think I have any right to tell them what to do

I just don't enjoy their company so much when I'm having a glass of wine and they're having a fizzy water

I don’t like drinking if no one else is. I think it’s cause when you’re sober those who are pissed (tipsy pissed to completely mullered) become very annoying. I dont want to be the annoying half pissed one !

I don't think that there's anything wrong with how you feel at all.
Yes things would be a bit boring if certain people I know socially stopped drinking.

But here's the difference between me and you:

I don't class these people as friends, they're acquaintances, drinking buddies if you like.

REAL friends? I don't need to be slightly drunk around them.
I don't get drunk as such.

This is so true

I get it - im not a heavy drinker - i only drink on friday evening or ill have a glass on sat - but recently i was invited to a dinner, brought a bottle, opened it, only to be told my mate was on fanta all night...and i had purposely not had any booze on the friday so i could share the bottle with them 😂

It's really f*ing amazing how people - men do this, too-cannot differentiate between a drinking buddy and a friend.

A relative's wife had an affair with his 'best friend'.
I didn't feel much sympathy as this relative (not close relative) is a right pri*k
but imo this 'best friend', was more a drinking buddy he'd known for a few years than a man who he'd fought a war with or gone through real hard times together.
Just another example of this relative's piss poor judgement.

But it seems more that you are not able to have a close friendship outside of alcohol, and you blame the ex-friend when they choose to/have to cut down.
You sound like one of those men who says “You’ve changed, I haven’t changed” when their wife has had a baby and is hallucinating with tiredness and he’s still on the PlayStation

I’ve been on both sides of this. I completely understand the bonding feeling wine gives you and the way it disinhibits and when I was younger I used to have a similar feeling when people said they weren’t drinking. There’s definitely something unique about the ability of alcohol to bring people together. My best mate and I have drunk wine together through the past 30 years and its what our friendship was forged on.

Over the past five years I have seen it differently: tolerance has shot down due to menopause so I can only drink about two units without feeling appalling the next day; it makes me depressed, I feel it impacting mu cognitive function for days and it fucks my stomach. I also have seen enough people become ill and die as a direct result of alcohol that its kind of poisoned it for me. I’m not teetotal and I do drink maybe a couple of units a week but honestly I mainly do that in order to not make my drinking friends uncomfortable.

It works the other way around. When you are a newly moderate or light drinker you get the same sinking feeling when someone says “shall we just get a bottle, it’s cheaper?”. Its the feeling that you have to pretend to enjoy something in order to not upset a friend.

Its incredible how divisive alcohol (or the lack of alcohol) is in our society. We actually judge one another based on whether we drink it or not. And I do understand why people are attached to it because I have been there but I also think its quite fucked up.

This is pathetic. Like WTAF?

How do you talk to your friends when you dont have access to alcohol then? do you only socialise in the pub? what about during the day when you might be doing things that dont involve alcohol - are you all stiff and formal then?

😆 if you need alcohol not to be "stiff and formal" you really do have a problem OP but I am guessing this isnt a genuine post anyway...

Please don’t present this as fact. It’s not true.

Alcohol as a social lubricant is very common and well recognised. All sober discussion includes coping methods for this.

being addicted to alcohol is just a completely different condition.

I know mn like to pretend anyone who enjoys or uses alcohol to relax is an alcoholic but that simply diminishes the understanding of alcohol addiction. I don’t know why you think you’re right on this .

Yes, this is what I find. I've cut down a LOT on drinking, as have my friends, and now when we go out, there's a slightly forced and awkward quality to the evening that wasn't there before.

It's still nice to see them, but we always go out on the same level as we came in on, which takes some of the fun out of it. I don't think I'll ever have as much fun again as I did in my non-sober days.

They're not friends then, they're drinking buddies. A friend you can meet for a lunch, a coffee, walk over the park, gallery and still enjoy their company. It shouldn't be alcohol dependent.

They're not friends then, they're drinking buddies. A friend you can meet for a lunch, a coffee, walk over the park, gallery and still enjoy their company. It shouldn't be alcohol dependent.

Why do you base your enjoyment of their company on the drink they’re consuming?

My friends and I used to be regular drinkers to the extent that every single get together involved wine in varying types and quantities. Somewhere along the way, the nature of our gatherings shifted.

Now our 'thing' is cafe hopping and hiking.

I feel no less connected to them. The truth hasn't stopped flowing because the wine has. I think there's something to be said about the personal growth needed to be so open with someone else especially when sober. Yes, it takes more courage to share something when you haven't got the aid of 'liquid courage'. But I think it's worth it.

As a bonus, we also feel healthier, happier, and we've seen so many interesting coffeehouses and trails now that we no longer use wine at the usual restaurants/someone's house as a social clutch.

I think there’s a balance to be struck with drinking. I don’t really drink socially anyway so it isn’t a big deal for me but if I did, I’d cut down on events rather than going completely sober at them. I’d rather have the drink at those events and not at all outside of them. I don’t drink right now because I’d developed a bad habit I knew I had to quash but I went to a wedding for example last month and of course indulged in wine.

Completely agree, as pps have said it’s a social lubricant, loosens everyone up and is a lot more fun. I would avoid non drinkers. I have a few friends on the jabs, as well as leaving full plates they can only manage 2 drinks, when we’re out for 5 or so hours, it’s a mood kill.

I would avoid non drinkers.

Thank fuck for that! I am so pleased to hear this. Most of us cant stand boorish drunks who tell you the same repetitive story over and over again with their red wine teeth and stinky alco breath.

Thank you!

I had a serious problem with alcohol. Binge/drinking and stopped drinking altogether 8 years ago.
I had to grieve the social life I’d lost but I didn’t have a choice. I probably wouldn’t be here now if I had carried on.
I feel like I socialise more in the day now but it’s not worth me getting too down about it or I’ll end up getting tempted again. I hope your husband can meet his friends in other ways for daytime activities.

I agree with you, when I’m not drinking I can’t stand being around people who are shitfaced. Best to join them I say.

That's definitely a "you" problem.

I think it’s really sad that your friends have to be drinking alcohol in order for you to enjoy their company.

Also, as someone who's never drank and always has a lot of fun, I just don't understand those who equate fun with drinking alcohol. It's like you have been taught, or have taught yourself, to need alcohol. It's not normal for one's fun experiences, socialising and friendship to depend on alcohol and drinking it.

I actually don't think tipsy or drunk people are fun to be around. They tend to be obnoxious, loud, rambling and incoherent. Oh, and revealing too much private information that nobody wants to know.

I do know what you mean. It is a bit like going for a meal with someone on a strict diet or going to the beach with someone who won't get their hair wet. All fine and perfectly acceptable, but not quite as fun.

I see what your saying OP. I had this with a friend and
for me there were a couple of other factors I think A) I’ve never had many friends/big social circle, just a close knit of very good ones. B) the close friends I have/had are now all spread across different continents.

So on the very rare occasion I got to see them, the relaxing effect of alcohol was really useful to be able to skip past the boring surface chat in the very short period we had together. Alcohol has a lot of negative effects, too many to mention when it become a habit. But it’s also disingenuous to suggest that it doesn’t also have its social functions. This friend of mine, we’d spent thousands of hours probably, possibly tens of thousands, in one another’s company. And 90% of those would have been stone cold sober (especially when we were kids thankfully!). But when you only get to see someone once every several years, a couple of beers or glasses of wine can be useful to help cut through the years and bypass the mundane/obvious chitchat.

Having said that if it were a friend I was able to see regularly, ie every few weeks or so, then I think it’s can more easily possible to find a new “non-drinking rhythm” to a friendship.

Oh my goodness why not let's include a bit of ageist stereotyping as well?
Actually heavy alcohol intake is a problem amongst a lot of older people so it's not even an accurate picture you are trying to paint.

I'm actually struggling to believe in your goady thread.

Perhaps your friends who have given up drinking are now struggling to mix with people like yourself because they will now have realised how boring alcohol makes people. That's certainly my experience.

I think you should take a long hard appraisal of yourself because if you really can't enjoy yourself without alcohol you have a problem.

And if you were a proper friend you would be really pleased to see people looking after their health and well being. Instead of bemoaning the loss of drinking buddies