Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

[CurdinHenry]

Not because I want to go in a heavy night out

Not because I think I have any right to tell them what to do

I just don't enjoy their company so much when I'm having a glass of wine and they're having a fizzy water

Meet them for coffee instead!

I get very annoyed when every Jan I give up for a month and one of our group tediously decides that her views on dry Jan need airing again - gives me the fucking rage. I font bang on about it, I just politely decline a drink but every fucking year I hear the disapproval. You’re entitled to your view op but no one else needs to hear it, Now they try to avoid eating out in Jan because I won’t be drinking! I think it’s weird.

That depends surely?

There’s a difference between judging someone for not drinking because you think they don’t make the same kind of conversation, and judging someone for whom drink turns them into an entirely different personality.

You only have to look at how much crime and violence is carried out under the influence of alcohol.

How many people are assaulted, become victims of sexual assault and worse, domestic violence increases under the influence of alcohol,

How unpleasant people can become when drinking. These aren’t isolated incidents, they’re commonplace.

So it’s not accurate to say that people who drink should never be judged, because depending on what that alcohol does to them, it’s entirely appropriate to do so in many instances.

Of course there are some people who just go out, have a glass of wine or two, have a good night, then come home.

Live and let live then, but that works both ways.

But then there are the threads on here where people go out drinking and get so drunk they don’t remember how they got home, men who come home and piss on the carpets or worse, in the bed, or those who get into pub brawls, go home and beat up their wives and sometimes their kids.

There is the football violence, men, and women who get so drunk they throw up everywhere in taxi’s, back home, hurl insults around at fellow friends and servers in the pubs who refuse to give them any more alcohol.

The list is endless.

So let’s not pretend that drink is always this innocent pastime. It absolutely isn’t.

Nowhere near as judgy as some drinkers are about non-drinkers. Especially if you WERE a drinker, and decided to give up. Some people are really rude.. They call people 'boring' and 'miserable,' and seemingly can't socialise with anyone unless they're pissed up as well. No wonder many non-drinkers can't be arsed with being in the company of people who are bladdered. Many people who have been drinking a lot are insufferable!

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You hang out with the wrong people at the wrong places if you require alcohol for social lubrication and general fun.

It's quite possible to enjoy socializing and have a whole lot of fun without alcohol.

I would say I probably had more fun doing things or on evenings out without alcohol than with.

I don't understand this analogy... You aren't talking about people giving up socialising. They are still there with you just with a different drink.

A more accurate analogy would be your old skiing chum changing what ski boots they wear when you both go skiing.

Their behaviour makes no direct difference to you but you are choosing to see it as somehow changing your experience of skiing. I find it really strange.

I think some people have been a bit harsh.. I miss having a glass of bubbly with my friend since she's gone tee total.
It's not about getting drunk, it's not even about getting tipsy although I have had some fun bonding experiences with friends when you find yourself more giggly, feel a bit more relaxed and give yourself permission to let yourself go a little bit.

OP, believe it or not, I feel the exact opposite.
Going out and have people around me drinking bores me to death.

I like doing sports, and the social aspect to it. Going to running events, share that coffee afterwards. And I have non sporty friends who share their lives without any alcohol. I think this is more common in the South of Europe. Drinking good wine is associated with part of having a special/ nice meal.

I'm from Spain originally. We have a great time socialising in cafés over a coffee. What is stiff about that? Are you not capable of having a laugh or bond wuth yoir friends without alcohol?
You associate drinking with bonding with friends.
It's actually quite sad.

What's so lovely about it?

I enjoy a glass of wine, but also don't drink sometimes. Sometimes I am drinking but not all of my friends are. I can still be honest/fun/(insert other things that sober people apparently can't be), and so can they.

same here.

Most of my different friends don't drink at all or much and often.

Most of used to go on the piss bigtime.

We've discovered we can get the same hilarious highs from being in each other's company when sober. It may have taken some years to make that shift but I much prefer going out without a drink. It also means I can drive everyone home. It takes a lot to get me drinking now.

I also let some friendships dwindle because as most of us were growing up and sorting our lives out, some just couldn't make every outing or gathering about drinking.

I've experienced too many shitty drunks to enjoy drinking anymore.

Most of my friends and I are neurodivergent and pretty off the wall when sober, so it pretty much feels like we bring the party without adding drink and drugs to the equation.

That's kind of sad. People don't drink because they are on medication, have a medical condition that makes it unwise, or just don't like it or are pregnant, to name a few.

Alcohol, which I don't even like, hits me harder than most so, if I'm driving, I don't touch a drop to be responsible. I also have a gut condition and think it's a shame if someone doesn't want to be friends because I won't have a drink to avoid flaring it.

I don't care if we meet and you have a glass of wine, so why should you care if I have a mocktail or something instead?

That’s a shame for you.

I gave up drinking nearly a decade ago, and it hasn’t affected my good friendships at all. I still go out, still have fun, don’t mind others having a few bevviies and getting merry.

I don’t stick around for drunken antics late into the night, no - but to be honest we are all grown arse women in our forties so that doesn’t happen much anyway.

The fact you can't see your reactions, excuses, and justification, are proving an issue you have is amusing.

Your liver has to fight hard to get alcohol out of your system. There is no benefit to your body drinking alcohol. It's a toxin. And causes cancer.

I don't drink, never have, and everything people feel they're missing from their sober friends are things I find plenty of in my friends, sober or otherwise. Fun, honest conversations, silliness, depth and discussion, uninhibited and daft good times- I've never been lacking in that, and I doubt my friends would say they're lacking it from me either. I'm sure I'd have more friends if I did drink, but that doesn't bother me. Having more friends who I could drink with, friends with whom I was connected either partly or mostly through alcohol, wouldn't necessarily have the same depth and connection as my existing friendships, I don't think.

I don't have friends I consider it an obligation to meet up with, either, because if I considered it an obligation then I wouldn't think that's friendship. My friends are people I enjoy spending time with in general, which I kind of thought was the entire point! I don't really have "day friends" either, as I meet up with my friends both during the day and during the night. We do pub quizzes, concerts, festivals, holidays- the lot; we also spend time at each other's houses, go for lunch or coffee, go for walks, and go shopping sometimes.

It's safe to say that if I found out that someone I considered a friend thought that meeting up with me was a "heavy sigh obligation," I'd be distancing myself pretty quickly.

I don’t drink and avoid people who do like the plague.How pathetic that OP needs to drink alcohol to have a good time!Judging others from her lofty high horse.

I agree OP, obviously I don't mind if people don't drink and I'm happy for them. But the truth is, no one has as much fun. It is what it is.

People on here and IRL like to say they have just as much fun not drinking, and always laugh a lot, chat for hours and dance on the tables completely sober. However I'm yet to see this actually happen. The meet ups are still fun, but honestly no, there's not as much laughter or flowing conversation. And there's no dancing, but there will be checking the time a lot and leaving early.

As pp said, non drinkers (including me, I don't always drink) can make an effort to act this way, but it's much more of an effort and you have to really push yourself to get in the mood. People usually don't do this.

I get this to some degree. I don't judge anyone for making the changes they need to make for their own circumstances but it is sad to lose that lovely joy of connecting over a glass of wine or gin. I can still enjoy someone's company if they're still happy to go out to a bar or restaurant and drink something non-alcoholic while I have a few glasses of wine but the thing I really hate is when people start trying to steer the relationship into a day time thing when I'm not fundamentally a day time person! I don't want to go on an afternoon walk or go for a coffee unless it's a place-holder activity (if someone's pregnant or something) but even then I only do it if I know that evening friendship patterns will resume at some point! I don't want my friendships to become centred around walking or coffees. It's always too bright to be comfortable and I don't feel normal until after 7pm.😂

Always interesting reading these threads and examining the difference in language between the drinkers and the non-drinkers.

The drinkers tend to talk about desires, the non-drinkers talk about needs. I suspect it's because the lives of the latter are indeed based firmly on needs, and they tend to take a disapproving attitude towards anything that "isn't necessary".

"It's not necessary to drink to have a good time" reflects this attitude. The idea that it might be desirable to have an even better time, and that having a few drinks will help facilitate this, doesn't really occur to them - because "desires" and "even better times" are not strictly necessary.

It's a practical, "sensible shoes" way of thinking, but yeah, I'm glad I'm not like that.

This. Coming from a culture where most people are teetotalers and we have deep friendships despite this, I find the British reliance on alcohol to socialise quite sad. Many people use it as a crutch because they are incapable of being brave or vulnerable without it. Drinkers need to at least stop acting like getting routinely drunk is normal behaviour.

It sounds as though you might miss the slightly more relaxed atmosphere that comes when everyone is on the same wavelength, rather than the alcohol itself.

I gave yp drinking 2 years ago. It's not impacted my nights out with friends. Very much a you problem.

I don't drink as much nowadays. I HATE it when I go to a party and people comment on me not drinking....it's very old fashioned.

I find people who have had a few really boring. They talk nonsense, they can’t shut up, their breath smells sour, they can’t be their authentic selves without the dutch courage from alcohol. I have a more fun and interesting life since i stopped drinking. I do more things. My friends who drink so the ssme thing all the time.