Page 3 | Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

CurdinHenry · 2026-07-14T19:42:34+00:00

Not because I want to go in a heavy night out Not because I think I have any right to tell them what to do I just don't enjoy their company so much when I'm having a glass of wine and they're having a fizzy water

godmum56 · 14/07/2026 21:59

JustAMiddleAgedDirtBagBaby · 14/07/2026 21:54

I think this is what I don't get about what you're saying. It seems to be that you have friends who you drink with (whether that's a big night out or a couple of glasses) and that's the only thing you do with those people, so if they stop or cut down that can't happen any more.

That's weird to me. I do loads of different things with my friends - walks, coffee, theatre, meals... Some of them might involve a drink but not all, and I don't think there's anyone who I drink with as the only activity we do.

All of these activities can involve laughing till we cry, or having honest and blunt conversations, with our without alcohol.

One of my friends has recently stopped drinking, and I can't say it's made any perceptible difference to our get-togethers. One of our friends though does seems to have a real problem with the fact one of us now doesn't drink - and funnily enough it's the one who I've always quietly wondered if her drinking was problematic.

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thinking about it some of the most really deep and honest conversations I have had have been over cups of coffee.
I still do enjoy a drink but while the brain is willing, the body often says "hell no"

EmeraldRoulette · 14/07/2026 22:04

SpaceRaccoon · 14/07/2026 21:02

I agree with you. I'm the one that stopped drinking due to health stuff, and I miss that bonding silliness instead of sitting with a stick up my arse.
I'll often get alcohol free beer so it looks like I'm drinking too, and try and join in the daftness so no-one is any the wiser.

I was actually thinking how would anybody know if you were having an alcoholic drink or not? A lot of the time you wouldn't have a clue.

I'm capable of being silly with or without alcohol 😂

coolcoldfans · 14/07/2026 22:08

I actually agree with you OP! I totally enjoy takeaway and wine night with some female friends and it’s not quite the same without the fizz. I still enjoy their company and we tend to meet for sober lunches now. I miss the daft laughter and slightly inebriated nonsense we talked about when fuelled with wine though.

Bikergran · 14/07/2026 22:09

Then you should worry about your attitude to alcohol. Boozers love company.

Whaleandsnail6 · 14/07/2026 22:10

Reading this makes me feel sad for my husband.

He realised a couple of years ago drinking had become a problem for him and he had to stop. Trouble is, all of his socialising with friends revolved around the pub and drink.

I'm sure to some of his friends he is in the " heavy sigh obligation meet up box" and he feels boring to his friends, no matter how much I try and reassure him that he isn't, and hes actually a better person without the alcohol

Its sad. He doesn't go out much anymore as he feels that his friends have the same secret attitude that you do.

I keep telling him to try new things and meet new people but at the moment, I think he still craves his old friends and connections.

godmum56 · 14/07/2026 22:10

PinkHibiscusFlowers · 14/07/2026 21:48

Where is this ? … asking for a friend 🤔

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neeeeeed laugh emoji. Its a lovely place. I used to visit rest homes as a community NHS rehab OT and its the only place I have ever been where you would be asked "does he/she know you are coming and if you said yes, they would say wait here and I will go and find him/her and if you said no, they would go and ask the person if they wanted to see me.

Original poster

CurdinHenry · 14/07/2026 22:11

Bikergran · 14/07/2026 22:09

Then you should worry about your attitude to alcohol. Boozers love company.

I think this is something non drinkers who are paranoid of fomo say tbh

I love the company of a fellow wine drinker because it's lovely

OP posts:

godmum56 · 14/07/2026 22:13

EmeraldRoulette · 14/07/2026 22:04

I was actually thinking how would anybody know if you were having an alcoholic drink or not? A lot of the time you wouldn't have a clue.

I'm capable of being silly with or without alcohol 😂

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me too. best silly night ever was when we won a local quiz night with a scratch team of strangers put together by the organisers from the odds and ends people and beat the teams who usually won. none of us were drinking and we had a fab evening.

godmum56 · 14/07/2026 22:14

Bikergran · 14/07/2026 22:09

Then you should worry about your attitude to alcohol. Boozers love company.

I used to run my inlaws pub for them when they went on holiday and this is deeply true.

Backedoffhackedoff · 14/07/2026 22:14

JustAMiddleAgedDirtBagBaby · 14/07/2026 21:54

I think this is what I don't get about what you're saying. It seems to be that you have friends who you drink with (whether that's a big night out or a couple of glasses) and that's the only thing you do with those people, so if they stop or cut down that can't happen any more.

That's weird to me. I do loads of different things with my friends - walks, coffee, theatre, meals... Some of them might involve a drink but not all, and I don't think there's anyone who I drink with as the only activity we do.

All of these activities can involve laughing till we cry, or having honest and blunt conversations, with our without alcohol.

One of my friends has recently stopped drinking, and I can't say it's made any perceptible difference to our get-togethers. One of our friends though does seems to have a real problem with the fact one of us now doesn't drink - and funnily enough it's the one who I've always quietly wondered if her drinking was problematic.

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Some people have friendships built on social drinking though - all mine were. Boozy fun was how relationships were cemented.

estrogone · 14/07/2026 22:15

With you OP. It is not necessarily about the booze, its about the disconnect and often times one upmanship.

An evening in the pub with Laura who feels smug as shit because she is clean living and can't wait to let you know is, dire.

An evening in the pub with Sam who is not drinking but not judging, is absolutely great.

Equally an evening in the pub with Sarah, shooting the breeze over a beer (note not a skinful) is fun, light-hearted, easy.

I love a beer, and dont need to feel judged for that, so for me its more about this.

PrettyLittleRose · 14/07/2026 22:15

Oohanothername · 14/07/2026 20:47

Your post says more about you then them.

It's well known in the alcohol free world that quitting drinking makes some people around you feel uncomfortable about their own alcohol intake. They often go on the attack and dress it up as 'you're boring now'. Had it loads. I don't see those people any more. If people only wanted me because I drank loads , they were no longer my people.

100% this. ^ Some people make really snarky remarks when you don't drink because it's highlighting to them that they drink too much, and the fact that they can't function socially without alcohol. They're the same type who don't like it when someone gives up smoking, or loses weight. They have to pour scorn all over you because they're jealous and insecure, because THEY can't achieve what you have!

I feel sorry for them really.

I used to be a drinker, and depended on alcohol for confidence when I was socialising with people in a pub or club or bar, and to enjoy myself, and it all seems rather pathetic now. I am much happier and healthier sober (3 years now,) and can't stand being around people who are drunk.

Fortunately, my DH is teetotal too (3 years before me because of health reasons,) and my 2 adult DC in their late 20s rarely drink. (They never drink when we socialise with them.) My 2 BFF aren't fussed about alcohol either. Being pissed at 18-25 is fine (once every couple of months maybe,) but the older you are, the worse it looks when you're pissed!

godmum56 · 14/07/2026 22:15

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/07/2026 21:57

It changes the dynamic of the night out. I tend to forget about them and get drunk. Thankfully I don’t drink at home and don’t go out much, once I start on the wine I’m as drunk on one glass as I am after 5, just with worse balance.
I regret it most of the time unless I’m with funny drunk people. I over share with sober people. I just can’t go out and not have a drink in a pub or restaurant.

you know you have a problem don't you?

estrogone · 14/07/2026 22:17

PrettyLittleRose · 14/07/2026 22:15

100% this. ^ Some people make really snarky remarks when you don't drink because it's highlighting to them that they drink too much, and the fact that they can't function socially without alcohol. They're the same type who don't like it when someone gives up smoking, or loses weight. They have to pour scorn all over you because they're jealous and insecure, because THEY can't achieve what you have!

I feel sorry for them really.

I used to be a drinker, and depended on alcohol for confidence when I was socialising with people in a pub or club or bar, and to enjoy myself, and it all seems rather pathetic now. I am much happier and healthier sober (3 years now,) and can't stand being around people who are drunk.

Fortunately, my DH is teetotal too (3 years before me because of health reasons,) and my 2 adult DC in their late 20s rarely drink. (They never drink when we socialise with them.) My 2 BFF aren't fussed about alcohol either. Being pissed at 18-25 is fine (once every couple of months maybe,) but the older you are, the worse it looks when you're pissed!

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Gosh, your smugness JUMPS off the page.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/07/2026 22:18

godmum56 · 14/07/2026 22:15

you know you have a problem don't you?

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I go out 5 times a year. Keep your wig on. Thankfully only two of the six that meet up are in the sober club.

Backedoffhackedoff · 14/07/2026 22:18

godmum56 · 14/07/2026 22:15

you know you have a problem don't you?

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Don’t be daft

shockmethen · 14/07/2026 22:19

CurdinHenry · 14/07/2026 20:51

No. It comes from being sad I enjoy the company of some of my friends less!

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If you enjoy your friends more when they are drunk then maybe the friendships are not all that great.

I’m wondering if they also are funding they enjoy your company less more now

AliceandOscar · 14/07/2026 22:20

I don’t drink because I don’t like the taste of alcohol but most people don’t know that because I don’t tell them. If need be, I will get a glass of wine to play with or just be the driver for the night. It’s just easier than the whole conversation about it. And think it’s safe to say that I’ve never noticed that I’ve been phrased out of a group because of it. One thing is true, by not drinking I hold more secrets and memories than most of my drinking friends.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/07/2026 22:21

I feel like this a bit!

I enjoy having a few drinks with friends, and I obviously can't do that with friends who don't drink anymore.

I obviously respect people's right not to drink, but I don't think I should have to pretend that a sober evening, or drinking alone, is exactly the same, because it isn't.

shockmethen · 14/07/2026 22:21

CurdinHenry · 14/07/2026 20:55

I am never pissed. But a couple of glasses of wine are a fun activity with a friend. A couple of glasses of diet coke less so. That's something I would generally reserve for second tier Day Friends.

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If it’s only a couple of glasses then what possible difference is it to you what is in their glass?

you make no sense at all.

and your ski analogy is irrelevant. If your friends stopped skiing then you wouldn’t be able to go skiing together. If your friends stop drinking alcohol you can still go out to pubs or dinner together.

KeptWomanSummer · 14/07/2026 22:22

All of the people I enjoy hanging out with I enjoy sober or after a glass or two.

If I don’t enjoy their company sober then I don’t choose to spend the time.

Do you not ever just want to see your friends in the day and not drink? We have nice times out now and again with a drink but many more, equally enjoyable afternoon coffees or days out etc.

estrogone · 14/07/2026 22:22

shockmethen · 14/07/2026 22:19

If you enjoy your friends more when they are drunk then maybe the friendships are not all that great.

I’m wondering if they also are funding they enjoy your company less more now

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You do know it is possible to have a few drinks and NOT get drunk??

Gosh the hand wringing on this thread is OTT, even by MN standards.

Backedoffhackedoff · 14/07/2026 22:22

shockmethen · 14/07/2026 22:21

If it’s only a couple of glasses then what possible difference is it to you what is in their glass?

you make no sense at all.

and your ski analogy is irrelevant. If your friends stopped skiing then you wouldn’t be able to go skiing together. If your friends stop drinking alcohol you can still go out to pubs or dinner together.

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You don’t get that 2 glasses of wine buzz without it do you? Seemed pretty obvious to me

Eggybreadwithnuts · 14/07/2026 22:23

I secretly hate it when drinking friends become judgy and make me feel uncomfortable for not wanting to drink anymore. Oh that sounds like you OP

gotmyselfintoapickle · 14/07/2026 22:24

I’ve been through phases of drinking too much and phases of drinking very little. Overall my life is better when I don’t drink or I drink very little but that’s a reflection on my propensity to overdo it rather than anything else. One of the things I do miss when I’m off the sauce is a few glasses of wine with a friend.

It’s ok to miss it OP but the person who’s quit has done it for a reason - they almost certainly miss it too but overall drinking can be a really negative force in some people’s lives. A good friend is supportive when a mate does something positive for themselves.