AIBU to think my parents overstepped on our holiday arrangements?

[PeachesxBDA]

AIBU to find this inapropriate?

Going to try not to write an essay, but I'm there will be people thinking I'm dripfeeding! Any questions ask...I'll try and put salient points.

This summer myself and my teenage DC were planning on a holiday in the UK. We had a place in mind but then my DP asked us to go somewhere with them. We agreed to do this trip with them instead. I found a small cottage for myself and my DC and they had seperate accomodation. We wanted to make them happy but also know we would never want to share accomodation due to their constant arguments - something I grew up with and still puts me on edge now. We also find them fine in small doses so I spoke to them and said we would spend a few days with them and a few days on our own, additionally the teens may want to do their own thing at times. They tried to overide this but I reiterated it and would have stuck to it. Additionally the teens and I are autistic and need some peace and quiet/time to ourselves. They are always on the go with a packed schedule.

Anyway, sadly something happened the day before we were due to go causing trauma to us all. The teens said they didn't want to go and neither did I, but the teens were concerned about ruining their GPs holiday and suggested I go anyway and I thought maybe the change of scene and time to myself might help. I didn't have much time to think but decided to go ahead once I knew teens would be looked after. I was very sad to go without them.

I decided to take the train and as I would be arriving late my dad offered to pick me up from the station. I said no need but he insisted so I thanked him and agreed. Later it was suggested they stay the night at the cottage as it would be late by the time they'd dropped me off. I agreed.

The journey was long and tiring and I had to hold in tears a lot. But I arrived at the station and was just looking for the exit when there was my dad videoing me, all jolly as if everything was fine. Bit my tongue, greeted him, tried to smile and got in the car. As we approached the cottage he told me it was good the teens hadn't come as it was too rural. We all knew exactly what it eas like - on the edge of a village with lots of walks/shops/cafes etc. Lots of nice walks. Lots of peace and quiet. I bit my tongue again as I was feeling their absence greatly. As we approach my dad tells me that they've decided to stay at the cottage with me as it is so rural. I try to make a joke of it while making clear I was not happy with that. Get told it would be best for them to stay with me. I'm still protesting as we arrive, explain with the recent truama I need some space. Arrive at the cottage where they have got their things all over. I'm just tired and go upstairs to find they have taken the master bedroom unpacked all their things and I'm expected to go in the room my teens were meant to be in, which made me so sad seeing the beds they should have been in.

At this point I snap and say I'll sleep in the lounge and will go home the next day. I explain how much they have upset me and that it is not ok to just decide things like this without speaking to me first. Apparently, they thought I'd be lonely, it's too rural and I'm 'killing them' by not just going along with their change of plans.

I would have tolerated it that evening and then insisted they disappear the following morning. And stay away.
Filming and grinning happily at the station would have been on my list to comment on as well.
Totally not acceptable.

Read my OP I said nothing about them not sleeping in the 2nd bedroom. It was I that didn't want to sleep in there so slept on the sofa.

I have no need to 'try it for a few nights' already knowing exactly what they are like.

I think my dad is very much NT. I think my mum could be ND.

Read the OP - there was a 2nd bedroom!

Thank you!

Lesson learnt!

This, exactly.

No, I didn't. I said I didn't want to sleep in there.

Why would I sleep in the master? Because otherwise I would have sheets to wash in the morning? Because I booked and paid for it? Because I sleep on a sofa normally so it is nice to have a double bed? Because they had their own accomodation?

It was absolutely not common sense. My dad is very definitely NT. Autistic people like myself tend to care a lot about fairness. How is taking over someone else's holiday cottage fair?

@PeachesxBDA I find it really astounding how many posters lack basic reading comprehension skills. Either that, or many of them have the memory of a goldfish.

You have stated and restated the same information so many times, and still people are posting bullshit like you expected your parents to sleep on the sofa 🙄

I think it's outrageous that they took the master bedroom.
I would have moved them out of it and into the twin room. But you were probably, understandably, just too exhausted after the trauma, the journey, and the ridiculous videoing of your arrival.
They sound emotionally tone deaf.

I hope you do manage to enjoy some relaxing downtime on your own.

💐

I don't see myself trapped my using a train. Don't understand that at all.

And yes big mistake relenting on the lift, I agree.

I find it so exhausting having to be careful of every word you utter. I realise now there was no need for the waiting at the cottage and staying the night...I just walked into my dad's trap.

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time and your parents are such arseholes.

Communication is everything.

Talk to them, don't get angry. They thought they were helping you.

Gosh OP you sound exhausting overthinking a pretty normal scenario where your parents offered to pick you up from the station and you agreed to it.

I agree with a PP - you clearly love your own children dearly yet don't see that your parents love you and you keep them at arms length and are quite unpleasant about them. I suspect they find your behaviour quite confusing when you do things like agree to the holiday but then clearly dont want them there.

I wonder how you will feel when your own children start to do the same to you - thats the scenario you are modelling to them right now.

I don’t think you can be sure your dad’s NT, op. I often see ND people being very resistant to other people, as yet undiagnosed, being potentially ND. This situation reads to me like everyone involved is NT and none of you can handle disagreement very well, nor do you have sufficient consideration for other people’s feelings

Did they move out after the first night?

You don’t get on well with your parents yet decided to change your holiday plans to suit them, that was the first mistake. I also think your parents were genuinely trying to be thoughtful and almost protective. They knew you were coming alone, it’s very rural and they didn’t want you to be on your own. Maybe they thought solitude wouldn’t be for the best. I don’t think they meant any malice at all but because you dislike them for whatever reason, you have taken it this way.

My mum was exactly like this, always took over , took charge and knew best. If I ever stepped out of line to say anything, whatsoever, I had to apologise immediately and do as she said, right up untill age 50 ( me) Hate is a strong word, but equally why do we have to always bow dow n to our parents? She's gone now, and I do miss you, I do NOT however miss the control, the stress, the constant put-downs..

Your dad's 'trap'?! Oh dear.

They were worried about you, whatever upset you've gone through clearly they wanted to help. They got it wrong but have listened and did as you asked.

Do try to be more tolerant, they had good intentions.

They definitely wanted to go

Thank you for your kind words. I'm still here for now. I invited my parents over to the cottage this evening for dinner. My mum and I wanted to go into the nearest city to go shopping which I'd still like to do. But it depends how much of a nightmare my dad will be.

My dad is not ND. Why would thry be sleeping on the sofa??

I don't think they were unhappy with it, but it is just a guest room in a retirement complex so literally just a bedroom and shower room and not particularly large. I think my dad saw the opportunity to grab a large bedroom, bathroom with bath, large kitchen, sitting room and gsrden for free.

I got my parents to leave the next morning and I'm still here. They might reconsider , the option is open for them.

My dad is not autistic. And it is pretty offensive to put his selfish behaviour down to autism. Myself, my kids and our ND friends don't act like this.

There is an easy way of knowing which as you say is to ask me!

However, I've stayed wity them before years ago and there were always arguments so I've refused to stay with them for years. So that's a huge clue I woildn't want them staying with me.