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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my parents overstepped on our holiday arrangements?

260 replies

PeachesxBDA · 14/07/2026 03:26

AIBU to find this inapropriate?

Going to try not to write an essay, but I'm there will be people thinking I'm dripfeeding! Any questions ask...I'll try and put salient points.

This summer myself and my teenage DC were planning on a holiday in the UK. We had a place in mind but then my DP asked us to go somewhere with them. We agreed to do this trip with them instead. I found a small cottage for myself and my DC and they had seperate accomodation. We wanted to make them happy but also know we would never want to share accomodation due to their constant arguments - something I grew up with and still puts me on edge now. We also find them fine in small doses so I spoke to them and said we would spend a few days with them and a few days on our own, additionally the teens may want to do their own thing at times. They tried to overide this but I reiterated it and would have stuck to it. Additionally the teens and I are autistic and need some peace and quiet/time to ourselves. They are always on the go with a packed schedule.

Anyway, sadly something happened the day before we were due to go causing trauma to us all. The teens said they didn't want to go and neither did I, but the teens were concerned about ruining their GPs holiday and suggested I go anyway and I thought maybe the change of scene and time to myself might help. I didn't have much time to think but decided to go ahead once I knew teens would be looked after. I was very sad to go without them.

I decided to take the train and as I would be arriving late my dad offered to pick me up from the station. I said no need but he insisted so I thanked him and agreed. Later it was suggested they stay the night at the cottage as it would be late by the time they'd dropped me off. I agreed.

The journey was long and tiring and I had to hold in tears a lot. But I arrived at the station and was just looking for the exit when there was my dad videoing me, all jolly as if everything was fine. Bit my tongue, greeted him, tried to smile and got in the car. As we approached the cottage he told me it was good the teens hadn't come as it was too rural. We all knew exactly what it eas like - on the edge of a village with lots of walks/shops/cafes etc. Lots of nice walks. Lots of peace and quiet. I bit my tongue again as I was feeling their absence greatly. As we approach my dad tells me that they've decided to stay at the cottage with me as it is so rural. I try to make a joke of it while making clear I was not happy with that. Get told it would be best for them to stay with me. I'm still protesting as we arrive, explain with the recent truama I need some space. Arrive at the cottage where they have got their things all over. I'm just tired and go upstairs to find they have taken the master bedroom unpacked all their things and I'm expected to go in the room my teens were meant to be in, which made me so sad seeing the beds they should have been in.

At this point I snap and say I'll sleep in the lounge and will go home the next day. I explain how much they have upset me and that it is not ok to just decide things like this without speaking to me first. Apparently, they thought I'd be lonely, it's too rural and I'm 'killing them' by not just going along with their change of plans.

OP posts:
PeachesxBDA · 16/07/2026 12:08

PeachesxBDA · 14/07/2026 22:35

It's not always easy to do the calm think when feeling very emotional and being triggered left right and centre. Change is something that sends me into panic/meltdown at the best of times let alone when I was feeling emotionally fragile.

The difference with my parents was I respected and facilitated their needs. My parents ignored my boundaries and weren't even aware of my needs and then ignored them when I voiced them.

Sorry to hear that, I know the feeling 🌼

OP posts:
Longtimelurker1980 · 16/07/2026 12:17

Op I think it sounds like you’ve done a great job of managing your own boundaries and not overreacting overall. Next time book a cab so there is no risk of them overstepping. They don’t respect your boundaries, or even realise what they are it would seem, so you must be extra careful. No shared keys.

i have a fractious relationship with my parents, they have a damaging relationship and my childhood was pretty unhappy. Every time we meet up, I am transported right back to my teenage stroppy persona that I left behind in all other respects years ago. It makes meeting up incredibly stressful. I am much older now and choosing to avoid at all costs. You seem to have a decent balance with yours but what you said about ‘stropping off’ really resonated and I know how awful it can feel to return to that person you once were but no longer are.

PeachesxBDA · 16/07/2026 12:21

pragmatismuniversalsentimentalist · 15/07/2026 06:55

Gosh OP you sound exhausting overthinking a pretty normal scenario where your parents offered to pick you up from the station and you agreed to it.

I agree with a PP - you clearly love your own children dearly yet don't see that your parents love you and you keep them at arms length and are quite unpleasant about them. I suspect they find your behaviour quite confusing when you do things like agree to the holiday but then clearly dont want them there.

I wonder how you will feel when your own children start to do the same to you - thats the scenario you are modelling to them right now.

If you think taking over someone's holiday cottage without asking is normal then I feel for your children.

I will feel fantastic if my children are good at setting boundaries and advocating for their needs.

OP posts:
Gloriia · 16/07/2026 12:34

PeachesxBDA · 16/07/2026 12:21

If you think taking over someone's holiday cottage without asking is normal then I feel for your children.

I will feel fantastic if my children are good at setting boundaries and advocating for their needs.

Are you still on holiday op, are you having a nice time?

PeachesxBDA · 16/07/2026 12:39

Gengha · 15/07/2026 13:47

Why were you crying on the train journey?

Learn to say no to things you don’t want to do. If you don’t, not sure how anyone ca. help you.

I was just feeling tearful on the journey due to what had happened at home.

I did say 'no'!

OP posts:
Baking07 · 16/07/2026 17:06

Delighted they have left and you are enjoying some much needed R&R.

PeachesxBDA · 16/07/2026 17:42

2Rebecca · 15/07/2026 14:42

I think many people are being overly sympathetic to the parents. If they were really thinking of the OP they would not choose the nicest bedroom for themselves knowing they hadn’t been invited to stay for more than 1 night and the OP rarely gets to sleep in a bed and had paid for it. Being supportive would be not unpacking until the OP arrived and chose her room and then asking if she would like them to stay longer. That is what I would have done as a parent. Why did they not book a nice cottage? Are they cash strapped or is your dad mean? Sad for your mum if the latter. People who have money and won’t spend it are often happy to grap nice stuff if it’s free but resent paying for it.

They are wealthy so could have afforded a cottage. But they get theseuest rooms for free as it is a chain of retirement apartments. I wouldn't call him mean but there are things he will spend on and things he won't. I do feel sad for my mum sometimes as it often seems the things she wants are the things my dad thinks are a waste of money/too expensive etc.

OP posts:
PeachesxBDA · 16/07/2026 17:44

SummerDive · 15/07/2026 15:46

What in that story makes you think they were worried about the OP?? 😵‍💫😵‍💫

I mean if I’m worried about one if my adult dcs, I speak to them. I ask them what they want, what they would find helpful.
What I do NOT do is do Something (here staying at the same votrage) that I KNOW they don’t want without telling them and then arrive saying ‘tada! Look I’ve done done xyz!’ And then expect thanks.

And yes the OP was right. Coming to pick her up was a trap.
But then maybe it takes having parents like that to realise that some parents are manipulative and can’t ever think about anyone but themselves. And often under the guise of ‘caring’ or ‘being worried about you’

Thank you, I completely agree.

OP posts:
PeachesxBDA · 16/07/2026 18:09

Longtimelurker1980 · 16/07/2026 12:17

Op I think it sounds like you’ve done a great job of managing your own boundaries and not overreacting overall. Next time book a cab so there is no risk of them overstepping. They don’t respect your boundaries, or even realise what they are it would seem, so you must be extra careful. No shared keys.

i have a fractious relationship with my parents, they have a damaging relationship and my childhood was pretty unhappy. Every time we meet up, I am transported right back to my teenage stroppy persona that I left behind in all other respects years ago. It makes meeting up incredibly stressful. I am much older now and choosing to avoid at all costs. You seem to have a decent balance with yours but what you said about ‘stropping off’ really resonated and I know how awful it can feel to return to that person you once were but no longer are.

I'm sorry to hear you have a difficult relationship with your parents too. But this really resonates. I have often felt like the 'naughty child' just for having boundaries.

OP posts:
PeachesxBDA · 16/07/2026 18:15

Gloriia · 16/07/2026 12:34

Are you still on holiday op, are you having a nice time?

I am and I've been doing my own thing mainly and I am feeling much more relaxed. I had my parents over for a bbq yesterday and am going into the city with them tomorrow. Then Saturday night I am going to take them out for dinner.

OP posts:
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