Leaving house to one child and not the other?

[BabyBump1212]

Do you think this is fair? I guess in exceptional circumstances,for example if a child was no contact then maybe, but if both children were close to said parent,no falling out etc. How would you feel about this?

And that’s great if everyone is ok with it and understands the reason. I have always thought it’s really hard if someone has lived with a parent to care for them and is suddenly homeless after their death because other people want a payout from the house.

But unfortunately there are a lot of families where inheritance is another way to favour one child unfairly. In OPs post, she says that non inheriting child is still expected to run around after their parent. In my case my mother could never really give a good reason for favouring my sister other than feelings. And had no answer when it was pointed out that, by selling a property to sister at way under market value(no idea quite how they got away with it other than claiming sister had paid them some money directly when she hadn’t) they had effectively given her a large sum, as she never would have been able to afford the property otherwise. She’s been selling off bits of the land with it ever since. As I said, DF is now trying to balance it up, but mum took care of most of this stuff when she was alive and was just adamant this is the way it had to be. It has tainted family relationships. Unfortunately some parents dont care about siblings having good relationships with each other or actively enjoy making trouble. My mother loved it when the kids were not getting along and would actively stir up trouble. It’s horrible to be in a family like that.

I know of a family where the eldest daughter still lives at home with her Mum, plus her partner and two children. They've paid off the younger sister and the eldest one will inherit the house. Unless that's the situation, it sounds very unfair.

I can understand it if you lived in a stately home a glorious pile that as per usual is inherited by the oldest sibling.
And you may well feel you have invested in your property and want to see it handed on. But only one child has had children. But it isn’t a stately home in proportions.
I think if you wanted to leave a home to one child and not the other you have to provide the equivalent in assets to the child who is not getting the house. Cash, fine art, jewellery. But equal to. Not less than.

The simplest thing to do is that the children sell the house and share the proceeds. Else it looks as though you are more invested in one child than the other.

It's hard to comment without more information. Perhaps the parent thought one of her children needed it more than the others.
I don't think fairness always comes into bequeaths

With Wills you can never anticipate how well off someone will be in the future. The child now that is doing well might get divorced and be made redundant. The child who is struggling might win the lottery. Or find themselves married to someone very well off indeed.

Very similar except no.one has been paid off.

So is the disinherited one your partner and you are the person who will (the parent thinks) inherit from your parents? Are they trying to split you up/ punish him/ her for being with you?
It doesn't make sense to do this if the parent has got a good relationship with the disinherited one.

Wrong, should be treated equally

So does the sibling that will inherit everything live rent-free in their parents' home?

The more independent child who pays their own way will lose out on any inheritance because they live further away?

It all sounds very unfair to me. In my will, I have split everything equally between my three adult children. I'd hate to be the cause of any resentmentt between them after I've died.

You say that the parents are divorced. What does the other parent (the non will maker parent) think of this?

In an earlier post, you said it was because one child has a partner who would inherit from parents.
However, circumstamces change.
Maybe they get divorced; maybe the partner's parents end up in care, which is funded by their expected inheritence.
The child who lives close may emigrate, or move further away.
If one child has done more to help very elderly parents, then it might make sense to leave them something extra, whether this is monterary, an antique, or jewelry, with the rest divided equally.
Otherwise it says that one child if favoured more than another.

This is exactly the situation. Sorry I meant to quote The Pariscrimefiles.

If you want to ruin the relationship your children have by playing favourites then go ahead.
If you want them to continue to be friends and keep in touch, you split it all evenly.

Sounds very similar to my situation.

Sister moved in with mum when her marriage broke down and she had a 3 year old son. She is still there as is her son who is 27 and has never worked or claimed benefit. They make zero contribution to the household finances. Mum now has dementia and sister is now the martyr carer, getting her name added to savings accounts, changed will which says she can stay 2 years after mum passes, and generally making out that nobody is interested in helping her out. Claims she could end up homeless despite having had the same boyfriend for 17 years who has never bothered to set up home with her due to the cost. Works as a plumber and drives a Porsche.
Feel so sad for my mum.

We have 4 DC. I don't speak to one of them for big reasons and may not ever speak to or see them again. I'm in my early 60s so hope I've got another 20 years. Still DH & I are going to split everything equally amontthe 4 DC.

Super unfair but I have heard this happening so many times! Usually it’s when the parents feel that one kid will make it in life and they are not worried for him and the other it’s not as good so they want to create a safety net for him.

My DB was given the family home several years ago. I was given a smaller sum of money and told that I would inherit DM's house when she died. In addition there was a field that, due to the expansion of the town where they live, may be sold for development. Initially DM held onto it, as it was to be split between us, but I recently found out that she'd signed it over to DB. Obviously DM hadn't thought of care home costs, but I think she may have now and is worrying about it. I had to make my peace with it all when it initially happened - and I am trying to set her mind at rest that she needs to do what's best for her and that I am not counting on inheriting (much rather have her). DM has always felt that DB needed more support - and hadn't taken into account that he's now a multi-millionaire (which I am not).

Well you can't cut a house in half or into portions to get an equall portion unless its where all are under the same roof. And now adays selling a place based on the cost of things might not be a quick sale if they don't have a chance to get the money for it in time.

Personally I could never do that

If you want your children to not speak to each other it sounds like a great idea, otherwise why would you do this? Do you not like one of them? Why are you punishing them?

My MIL did this. Left her house to my husband and nothing to his sister. She told us this. I was horrified (even though we stood to inherit) and told her she was wrong. Her reasoning was SIL was married and it was up to her husband to support her. MIL's parents left everything to her 2 brothers and nothing to her using the same reasoning. MIL's brothers were both very high earners and MIL and FIl were not.

When she died, H did a deed of whatever it's called and gave SIL half the value of the house when it was sold.

MIL died at 80 in 2020. This was not some Victorian story.

Small update,or maybe big. I don't know. The house is signed over to the golden child and the parent is paying nominal rent. I'm not sure if that's worse?

It is really up to the parents and if thd children are happy with it
But if not just do bog go with it it happened with us and now all 8 of my children ignore me and have not talked to md for 2 years

This is so wrong on many levels. I presume your partner is the other child. How did you find out this had happened?
What level of interaction or support is the other child giving to the parent? Withdraw all support now as Mum is now the responsibility of the homeowner. If the Mjm hasn't signed it over with proper legal advice and protection she could find herself homeless.
Step away as this has the potential to get very messy.

It's bad isn't it. And if they wanted to go down the route of contesting it,it would be near impossible now,I'm.guessing. it would probably be easier to contest a will? Unless we can prove there's coercive control involved? It's such a mess.