Leaving house to one child and not the other?

[BabyBump1212]

Do you think this is fair? I guess in exceptional circumstances,for example if a child was no contact then maybe, but if both children were close to said parent,no falling out etc. How would you feel about this?

No, it isnt. Even if one was a money waster I would not pick a favourite to leave more to.

I think it depends. I'm leaving my house to both my children but one is very wealthy and owns a home, the other has a lifelong disability. The one with disability will have a right to remain in the home, though it's owned by both in trust.

Generally it's not fair but sometimes it's necessary and not unreasonable.

IMO, if there's more than one child, and there have been no falling-outs or estrangements, any inheritance should ALWAYS be divided equally. There's no telling what the future may hold. For example, if DC1 has been very successful in life (good career, successful partner, potential inheritance from in-laws) but DC2 has been less fortunate, they should still be treated equally because perhaps DC1 will become ill, ot get divorced etc., and maybe DC2 will win the lottery etc., and it's important that all siblings feel equally valued.

I have personally experienced a situation where siblings were not considered equal, and while the siblings who did not inherit have been amazingly accepting, I can see (as an in-law) that this is a potential time bomb waiting to go off.

I reiterate, I completely support non-equal division where some children have chosen to distance themselves, but all others should be considered equally.

And it is very presumptuous to imagine that they can make a plan based on others peoples plans - what if the partners are not still together, or if the inheritance to the spouse is ring fenced so she does not benefit? Its just really shitty.

No wonder it’s created ill feeling.

Agree. It a poor excuse and totally shitty behaviour. If it was being left to me and I could not get them to change their minds, I would sell the house and give my sibling half.

Just like it's up to the parents what they want to do with their house.
There is no share.
it's the parents who decide

And it’s the parents who decide whether one sibling is valued more than the other. Actions speak louder than words. And when they’ve show this kind of favouritism they wonder why the atmosphere has changed.

I think the only time this is okay is if a child has enduring and complex disabilities which meant that they were never going to be able to achieve anything in life through no fault of their own. Or if there is estrangement of a serious nature. Not some BS like Barbara took my trifle dish home at a Family get together, true story which means MIL has hated her SIL for 50 years.

I can also comment with personal experience both DH and myself were left nothing when my Mother and then his Father died within a year of each other They both left their homes to their favourite children. At least I had 4 other siblings to share the upset.

Both our sisters have always been the type to get people to feel sorry for them. My sister could cry at will and would do fake tears and lie easily. I can still clearly remember her laughing behind our Mothers back as I pled my case that I hadn’t touched my sister who said I hurt her. We were beaten as children if we misbehaved. She is pure evil. DH sister is not so much evil as just a bit thick and shit at life so people feel sorry for her.

Thank you. You said it better than I could.

Unfair, but I'd be happy if my parent did this in my circumstances. I own my house but my sibling doesn't and may never. I don't need any kind of inheritance so if there was one it would probably be better they got something so they had some security for later life. Its all hypothetical anyway.

Unfair. People who say they don’t care, don’t in theory until it happens to them. It’s not about money, it’s just comes down to feeling rejected due to favouritism.

Unfair. My grandfather left his property to my uncle (single, lived at home with him) and nothing to my mum because she had her own house (paying a mortgage until she was 65) - my uncle has never had a mortgage or money worries in his life, I don’t think it was a fair decision.

Exactly this. Yet the left out child is still running about after the parent. It's sad and sickening to see 😞I just wish they'd grow a bit of a backbone and stop burying their head in the sand.

Unfair. Each child should be treated the same. If you omit 1 child, you are potentially causing a rift between them as your legacy.

This is a recipe for trouble down the line. My parents left 2/3 of their estate to my sister because I was child free and she had "given" them grandchildren. They were quite open about it. In later life when they developed health problems and became needy they wondered why I was not around and they barely heard from me. I deliberately moved to another city to study and work and never returned. To this day there is still a coldness between my sister and I.

You reap what you sow.

But its not your friends share.

Is it your partner? I would be fuming if so
(sorry had to edit as clicked post before I should have)

It’s impossible to say.
What one person considers unfair another person may consider totally fair. As an outsider, you will not have a full picture of the lifetime relationship the parent and child had and ultimately it comes down to what the parent feels is right for them. Getting bogged down in the fairness or otherwise of it is not going to lead to a happy place.
if the person who has not benefitted feels there has been coercion or the parent was not of sound mind at the time of the will being written than they can and should get legal advice. Other than that just tell them gently they need to suck it up and get on with living their life.

My dad wasn’t left anything by my grandparents, and my uncle never moved out of their home, even after grandparents died. My dad had his own house, family and a good job, and that was seemingly grandparents justification to plan for uncle to inherit the house when they died.

I feel for Dad sometimes - especially now my uncle is in full time care. Dad has managed the care plan, managed the sale of the house to fund it & sees my uncle every other day. He is the only sibling my uncle has, plus he never married or had a family of his own.

Unfair Dad wasn’t included in the will (we are a close family, there were no issues) and he’s now managing what’s left, and watching his ‘half’ disappear back in to the care system at a princely £4k a month.

When the house sold people made jovial comments how he must be happy now he got the house, will be booking a cruise with all that cash, treating himself. Couldn’t be further from the truth.

Treat your children the same.

You could always give your sibling your half when you've both inherited. If my parents had tried this malarky, I wouldn't bother seeing them again.

Except in no contact situations (unless the parent was the one at fault, in which case splitting equally could be the one last good thing they do for their children), I’d say it’s unfair in most situations.
Even if the included child did a huge amount of care for ageing parent, it still might be unfair not to split equally. The one who did the caring might have different circumstances to the one who didn’t- eg no children, not working, live closer , health problems etc and therefore it wouldn’t be fair to punish the other child for not being able to provide care.
You give limited information, but moving further away is NOT grounds to be left out of the inheritance IMO.
The wealth of each respective child is also not relevant.

I have asked my Mum to do this. Leave her house to my twin sister and not me. I own my own house. Twin is in a council house. I have no kids. Twin has 2 kids. My husband has a daughter and our house will go to her. Me inheriting half of my Mums house just makes no sense. Ultimately we would all want the money to end up with Mums Grandkids and not my step daughter. So it just complicates things Mum leaving it to both of us.

The idea that its ok for someone to do lots more elder care without recompense because they are child-free is hil

My Dad has already made it clear that he is leaving his house to my sister.
He has however left a note in his will that there is a condition that she must take in my brother or I if we ever need a roof.

My brother and his sons are furious over it but I totally understand it - our sister lives in the family home and to be fair she has given up much of her life caring for Dad as he's got older (because she lives with him - I also care for him and help with his needs).

I have absolutely no problem with her inheriting the house and I think it's fair.
My brother and I have our own houses.

I have wondered about doing this as I have 4dc at very different stages of life. The eldest two both own their own homes and dd2 lives in one worth a couple of million. Ds will probably buy one in the next year and dd3 is 18. I think though I'd leave it to them equally and let them manage any variations they want to make.