Should I apologise to this mum?

[Cringecringecringecringe]

I’ve recently had the scan to find out that I’m having a girl and to say I’m thrilled is an understatement as I desperately wanted a girl and honestly would have kept going until I got one.

I was talking to a Mum at my gym before the class started who I was sure also had a daughter. She asked me if I knew what I was having and I told her I was having a girl and in my excitement I did get a bit carried away in my enthusiasm about having a girl rather than a boy.

The mum didn’t say much in reply and then the class started so I didn’t think much of it until I was in the cafe after and saw her with her child who is definitely a boy.

I know feel super awkward about it as I think I might have come across a bit OTT about having a girl and I’m a bit worried it might have come across as a bit smug to a boy mum and like I was rubbing her face in it which definitely wasn’t my intention

I was lying in bed replaying the conversation and i just keep cringing. I’m wondering if I need to apologize to her tomorrow or would it make it worse ??

There is quite a bit social side to my gym with lots of activities for mums and little ones which I know this Mum is very involved in so I really don’t want to get off on the wrong foot.

Does anyone have any advice ?

You're both weird.

Please just be grateful that you're able to conceive and birth babies.

😂😂😂 we’ve all been there with the smug “so happy about the sex” gushing.

Don’t apologise just don’t do it again and remind her you are actually a social normal human being but interacting normally.

FWIW I was the boy mum. A group of 4 of us and the others were all snag girl mums. They gushed. 2 went on to have a second child - both also girls.

Every single one of them had commented by the time they went to secondary school that they can’t believe how easy I’ve had it raising a boy. and wondering how come he was the easiest of the 6 of them!

Teenage girls then get worse 😂

You may naturally regret your smugness and she may naturally get her moment to smile.

Seriously though - enjoy the news. Nothing wrong with wanting a child of a particular sex - just tone it down a bit 😂

You need an attitude check. Boys are brilliant. You aren’t ’rubbing her face in it’ because children are amazing no matter their sex. You need to look at your own skewed thinking though as it’s messed up, and if I was her I would be avoiding you. Don’t apologise, just leave her alone to decide if she wants to bother with you again.

So bored of the gender attitude and stereotyping we see.

You might be overthinking this. My first was a boy, if someone would have been happy to be having a girl I wouldn't feel like they were rubbing it in my face. I'm perfectly happy with my children, regardless of their sex and I'm sure the vast majority of parents are. I did have a preference for a girl when I got pregnant but I was just over the moon to have a healthy baby, the sex didn't matter in the end.

Try to stop over thinking

I have one amazing boy its obvious to anyone how amazing I think he is it’s and when I hear other parents talk about how wonderful their children are I just assume it’s because they feel the same way not because they are a boy or a girl but because their are their child/children

It was just a bit awkward because in the context that she does in fact have a boy, it would have been sad if she agreed with you and said "yes I do wish my son was a daughter", equally, it would have been awkward to challenge you and say "I have a boy and I think you're being unreasonable towards boys". I think she did the only polite neutral thing she could which was smile and nod. I don't think you have anything to apologise for. You are just excited about what's to come. My friend was similar and she's ended up with one of each now and she freely admits her preconceptions were completely false. Every kid is unique.

I am 31 weeks pregnant with a girl - if you’d said all of this stuff to me I would’ve thought you’re incredibly superficial and shallow. I agree with the other PPs, you’re very strange.
The fact you could only relax when you found out you were having a girl is troubling, what would you have been like if you were having a boy? Poor kid…
ALL of my friends have had boys and at no point have I felt like I am smug or rubbing it in their face, their boys are beautiful and happy and that’s all that matters.

Best thing for it, change Gyms. Beyond cringe the way you carried on!

Your assumption about girls being closer to their family as adults is outdated and often wrong these days.
Honestly you sound far to obsessed with the sex of your baby and what you think that means your relationship with him/her growing up. You do realise that she could be a daddy's girl or a tomboy who hates everything girly.
Also there's no guarantee that the sex was accurately observed by the ultrasound tec as they can and regularly get it wrong

I had no preference with any of my pregnancies and ended up with a boy and two girls.

You clearly think that girls are somehow superior and the other 'poor' mother you spoke to just got a consolation prize, given that you think your ridiculous 'smugness' about having a girl was 'rubbing her face in it'.

She probably just thought you were a bit odd and silly.

I'm assuming you want a girl so much because you have an idealised view of how your daughter will turn out and the sort of relationship you will have.

But you're giving birth to a human being, not a robot, and it's very possible that this child might not fulfil your preconceived ideas of girl children and a mother daughter relationship. What happens then?

Hopefully, your baby is a girl because if she turns out to be a boy it sound like you're disappointment could cause real problems for both you and your child.

She went quiet because she thinks your opinion is ridiculous and doesn't really want much to do with you. Any mum who values their child more or less depending on their sex isn't mature enough to be a mum. She'll have been feeling sorry for your unborn child and the pressures you're already putting on her to live up to your warped expectations.

Even if she had a daughter, what a strange way to speak about having a baby to a stranger.

Thankfully most women are just hoping for a healthy baby to bring home with them.

OP, learn from this. Keep these unfortunate thoughts/views to your husband or close friends.

I have both sex's but in the real world health absolutely tops everything.
Good luck.

"Teen girls are far worse".

Speak for yours. Mine is lovely.

You are just as bad as the @Cringecringecringecringe with the sexist generalisations.

You can make your point without slagging off teen girls. Some teenagers are just difficult - they could be boys or girls.

Agreed. And "I desperately wanted a girl and honestly would have kept going until I got one" Makes it sound a bit like collecting Pokemon or similar. Imagine if you had had 6 boys........ then a girl, how those sons would have felt. :(

I agree. My dds were fine as teenagers

All of this! You sound awful.

Did you tell her that you can’t wait to have a girl and she will be your “mini me”, your “little bestie” and you will have a “friend for life” whereas her boy will disown her as soon as he gets a girlfriend 🙄

By the way I have one of each so I’m not bitter I just think you’re a knob!

Bless

I would probably apologise , but quickly and lightheartedly

She will understand.

I agree.
And actually I pity your daughter, because you clearly have a ton of preconceived ideas about how she is going to be, and the pressure on her to live up to all that will be overwhelming.

You have some strange ideas op. Hate to bust your bubble but your dd isn't guaranteed to have a wonderful close relationship with you (I hope you get what you want btw, it's just that you are sounding strange and what you said is unequivocally not true anyway) . Boys can be amazing and can be very close to their mums actually. Just read the many non contact with my mum threads from daughters on mn. You never know. This isn't a gender thing, it's a family dynamics, personalities thing.

I think people will give you a pass cos first time mums are a bit clueless, precious first born and all that but the sooner you get to grips with reality the better.

Where I come from, people are elated at having a boy. They believe that boys will look after parents, will carry on the family name and be there in their old age. They believe girls are a burden, who will marry and go off to another family. So they 'relax' when they know they are having a boy (they can't know this because sex determination is at least legally banned). So people say they are relieved because 'boys are easier', they won't be nightmare teens. You don't have to worry as much about their safety.

I'm talking about India incidentally and the gender dynamics there.

You see how vile that all sounds? Now replace boy with girl, and all the stereotypes and you see how that sounds.

If someone Indian came and told me they were 'relieved' they were having a boy and spouted a bunch of gendered stereotypes at me to explain their 'relief', I would think very badly of them.

I would do the same if someone having a girl in 2026 in the UK did the same to me. And then came back to me and apologised for coming across as 'smug'.

Grace extended because you are clearly over excited and new to motherhood. I can remember feeling the bees knees, so happy and very special - enjoy it because the second they arrive its all about them now.

Id just leave that mum alone unless she approaches you. You have no idea what she may have experienced or how she feels about motherhood. Personally I would just shrug it off as you being a bit vacuous but I know people who would really struggle with that conversation.

Learn from your experience and start thinking about how you can encourage your little girl to be everything SHE wants to be, not focussing on how exciting its going to be for you to enforce a set of gendered expectations onto her tiny self.

Wishing you a straightforward & healthy pregnancy.

'Smug girl mum' is definitely a thing, isn't it? I don't get it

Humans have a nasty history of aborting or killing babies of the 'wrong' sex and it still causes demographic issues in some countries today. That, and the fact it is a bit rude, is why expressing an overwhelming preference for either sex can seem crass and unaware. It isn't really about coming across as smug because the other mum is probably delighted with her boy.

The worse part of this is assuming she wants girls. I personally was so scared of having a girl and wanted boys. She might well be thinking poor you.

And just to balance it, being a boy mum brings a pride like no other.

Rubbing her face innit becsuse shes the mother of a boy
Fo you think boys are somehow inferior?