Should I apologise to this mum?

[Cringecringecringecringe]

I’ve recently had the scan to find out that I’m having a girl and to say I’m thrilled is an understatement as I desperately wanted a girl and honestly would have kept going until I got one.

I was talking to a Mum at my gym before the class started who I was sure also had a daughter. She asked me if I knew what I was having and I told her I was having a girl and in my excitement I did get a bit carried away in my enthusiasm about having a girl rather than a boy.

The mum didn’t say much in reply and then the class started so I didn’t think much of it until I was in the cafe after and saw her with her child who is definitely a boy.

I know feel super awkward about it as I think I might have come across a bit OTT about having a girl and I’m a bit worried it might have come across as a bit smug to a boy mum and like I was rubbing her face in it which definitely wasn’t my intention

I was lying in bed replaying the conversation and i just keep cringing. I’m wondering if I need to apologize to her tomorrow or would it make it worse ??

There is quite a bit social side to my gym with lots of activities for mums and little ones which I know this Mum is very involved in so I really don’t want to get off on the wrong foot.

Does anyone have any advice ?

Ha ha you have absolutely no idea just rose tinted glasses.

I'm happy you got the girl you want. I wish you a healthy pregnancy and safe birth, same as any other mum to be.

I genuinely hope your DD when she arrives is breeze and close to you into adulthood.

Just read the threads on her to see what you are dreaming off is t always the reality. Both boys and girls can be challenging, hurtful and distant. You just have to hope your parent well and bring up respectful and kind DC.

So you think the mothers of boys feel deprived in some way and we would be sooo upset that you rubbed our noses in it because we don’t have girls? You poor deluded idiot. I’m glad I had a boy. But if I had a girl, I would have been happy still. You do realise OP that you need both sexes in order for the human race to continue?

It’s very cringe that you were so gleeful about having a girl, regardless of who you’re taking to. Your daughter may or may not be close to you in later life, there is no guarantee she’ll be the kind of person you expect her to be. In fact you’re probably setting yourself up for massive disappointment if you think she’s going to want to do shopping trips, spas or city breaks when she’s an adult or be your best friend or whatever… maybe think carefully about why you think having a girl is somehow superior to having a boy. It really isn’t.

Second this. Believe me we are used to it. When pregnant with DS3 another school mum was pregnant with her 3rd too. She actually said, ‘oh poor you, I’m so relieved mine is a girl’ , she already have a boy and a girl. I just role my eyes and think it must be a very empty life where the sex of your child validates your happiness.

don’t applogise, you and her just aren’t compatible as gym friends

Not everyone is desperate for a girl you know OP. It's fine to really want one though, no much point apologising when you've made it so clear though. Just be more normal in future!

If you had said this to me I would think you were an idiot and it would change how I thought about you. Apologising won’t make a difference, probably will make yourself look even worse.

(ps I have 2 girls no boys but I would never gloat about being a “girl mum” because that’s weird. I also would think someone gloating to me about having boys was an idiot)

This is the best advice

But I did also say about how much closer girls are with their family as adults

How so? I have the opposite experience.

This. As @MNLurker1345 says, don’t assumes it’s right!
Recently a friend’s daughter gave birth to a son, when all the way through the pregnancy (and whatever scans she’d had) she’d been told it was a girl!

It is also so regressive putting this expectation on girls that they must dutifully stay close to their families and be their mother’s companions.
framing the experience of motherhood around what it brings to you is alien to me, it has never crossed my mind

I would say I hope your scan is wrong and you have a boy, but actually I’d feel sorry for the boy because you would clearly see it as not worthy

Also my husband is really close with his mum and I barely speak to mine at all. If you force your preconceptions of what a girl should be on to your daughter, good luck having a good relationship with her when she’s older

As a boy mum I find your behaviour quite odd. Maybe she isnt bothered she doesnt have a girl? Its doesn't bother me in the least I don't have a daughter. I love my sons and had kids because I wanted a child not a girl. I have no interest in having anymore kids even if i could guarantee a girl.

However i do tend to wide berth smug mums of both girls and boys as I find them intolerable and it only tends to get worse as the.kids get older. I wouldn't apologise i would just have a long hard think about your attitude towards both girls and boys because your child is a little person not a doll that wears dresses. I mean its fine to be excited your having a girl but to suggest the other mum might have an issue with only having a son is appalling. If you want to make friends with other mums change your attitude now because you will find they wide berth you if not.

You clearly do think that having a girl is far superior as even in this thread you're talking about it might rub her face in it as if she should be jealous of you?? I really hated when people asked me if I was disappointed I had a boy. And very rudely have been asked why I never tried for a girl and if I wish I would have had one. Like wtf?? If I were you op I'd try changing your attitude that girls are better than boys it's not great, and yes you will come across as smug and a bit odd.

Each to their own. I find it odd when people don’t want to know what they are having, because it’s gonna be one or the other and it’s easier to think of them as ‘he’ or ‘she’, buy clothes, decorate etc. That said, when people go on about it being a ‘surprise’ or have a horrific gender reveal event I smile and nod. People are weird when they are pregnant and people who’ve had kids accept this. Just don’t say anything.

This has just reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend of my mum’s years ago. Her daughter had just given birth to their first grandchild, a girl, she was going on and on about how pleased she was that baby was a girl and how close mums and daughters are, how wonderful it was to have a girls etc etc….To me, a woman who she knew had proudly given birth to two sons.
To be honest I laughed it off ( however insulting it was ) but I have never thought of her in the same way since.

Don’t waste your breath OP, there’s no backtracking on the cringe-fest of your conversation with her. Unfortunately as a mum of a boy she will most likely meet many of your kind through the years and learn to pity your blinkered and stereotyped approach to motherhood 🙄

I wouldn’t bother apologising. There’s nothing you can do to make it better.

Don't apologise, you would just embarrass yourself further.

OP most men i know who dont have a close relationship with there mums dont because they have been pushed out by the females purely because they are male. My dh is one of them as are our sons. His mum does "girly" things with "her" girls. Dh gets excluded as do our sons even though they would have loved some of the activities. If a mother chooses to exclude her sons from family things purely because they are male its little wonder the son then starts pulling back. Relationships are built and maintained and if a mother pushes her son out then you can be sure they will leave.

You sound ridiculous! Don’t apologise as that makes it seem like you feel sorry for her for having a boy.

I have two amazing girls and one amazing boy. They’re all their own little people but equally great. They’re all Mummy’s Girls/Boy but my boy is my most cuddly.

I would say don't apologise and don't overthink it. We all step out of line sometimes with things we say and do. Don't assume you know what she's thinking. She may have completely forgotten about it.

I find it bizarre and unhealthy with people's perceptions of what is more favourable in terms of boy /girl.
Very worrying indeed!
Take note OP and I hope your pregnancy goes well.

I can’t imagine how you have reached this conclusion. Are boys so bad? I’m a boy mum and it wouldn’t occur to me to be jealous or uncomfortable in the way you’re imagined this woman must be.

YOU are proper cringe OP! How embarrassing for you! 🙈

” Kept going until you got one” Really????🤔