Should I apologise to this mum?

[Cringecringecringecringe]

I’ve recently had the scan to find out that I’m having a girl and to say I’m thrilled is an understatement as I desperately wanted a girl and honestly would have kept going until I got one.

I was talking to a Mum at my gym before the class started who I was sure also had a daughter. She asked me if I knew what I was having and I told her I was having a girl and in my excitement I did get a bit carried away in my enthusiasm about having a girl rather than a boy.

The mum didn’t say much in reply and then the class started so I didn’t think much of it until I was in the cafe after and saw her with her child who is definitely a boy.

I know feel super awkward about it as I think I might have come across a bit OTT about having a girl and I’m a bit worried it might have come across as a bit smug to a boy mum and like I was rubbing her face in it which definitely wasn’t my intention

I was lying in bed replaying the conversation and i just keep cringing. I’m wondering if I need to apologize to her tomorrow or would it make it worse ??

There is quite a bit social side to my gym with lots of activities for mums and little ones which I know this Mum is very involved in so I really don’t want to get off on the wrong foot.

Does anyone have any advice ?

Yeah, it’s very weird that you seem to think having a girl is somehow superior to having a boy. And something a boy mum would be jealous of.

I understanding the desire to have a girl. I was delighted when I was having a boy. But to think one is superior to the other is just bollocks.

Anyway, I wouldn’t apologise to her, but I would calm down a notch so you don’t continue to look insane.

Dont say anything. Youve made a tit of yourself already and she'll be telling everyone about your interaction. Perhaps move gyms?

So you want to apologise to the poor lady who only has a boy child 🤣🤣
PLEASE don't!
Congratulations OP - enjoy being a girl mum.
I mean that sincerely, despite only managing to produce a boy 😳🤣🤣

If you apologise you'll make it worse. Some women prefer having boys to girls given a choice. I had a friend that always wanted a son before she actually had one. Congrats btw, exciting time no matter boy or girl.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope you enjoy it and enjoy your baby.

I feel a bit daft replying with a whole other thought but it's too hot to declutter so please ignore if this sounds silly.

You said about girls staying closer to their families - is this true for you and for your wider family including your DH? Do you know anyone irl who it's not true for? Do you know if this mum you spoke to has a great relationship with her family?

You know that it's not true for everyone and some daughters are low or no contact with their mums.

If this is your first baby the other mum will probably remember that when in the first years reality often turns out a bit differently from what you expect.

I genuinely hope everything goes well for you. It doesn't sound as if you've said or done anything terrible.

Unless you have had genetic testing you don’t know for certain it’s a girl - sometimes it’s hard to tell and they get it wrong

Also I know so many families where the son has stayed close and the daughter has moved away!

I have 2 boys and 2 girls - all 4 are awesome and it’s nothing to do with their gender!

"I know feel super awkward about it as I think I might have come across a bit OTT about having a girl and I’m a bit worried it might have come across as a bit smug to a boy mum and like I was rubbing her face in it which definitely wasn’t my intention"

This is the weird thing to me. It's as if you think having a girl is somehow superior to having a boy, rather than it being just your own preference.

Dont apologise, I imagine the mum you were talking to doesn't want or expect an apology....I doubt she will be seeking you out for further conversations.

a bit smug to a boy mum and like I was rubbing her face in it which definitely wasn’t my intention

Why do you assume she wanted a daughter and unhappy she got a son? That is a wild assumption to make. Absolutely wild.

I have a boy and a girl and neither is better than the other. I think most normal people are just happy they've got a healthy child

Yes you sound very smug your DH is right. You are also totally wrong believing that all girls are really close to their families please read the multitude of Mumsnet feeds where daughters have had a terrible time growing up with their families and as adults are having a terrible time with their parents.

Unfortunately you seem to be projecting some stereotypical ideal that can sometimes exist and sometimes ( the majority of time) just doesn’t. Your comments about being able to relax because you are having a girl are quite worrying and not sure how you are going to cope when your utopia fails to materialise. How will you cope if / when your daughter decides being a mini me isn’t her idea of fun and wants to be her own person ?

In answer to your original question apologising won’t help, I’ve no doubt the mum already thinks you are slightly deranged and apologising will make it worse. I suggest you stick to non gender pregnancy discussions in future such as the importance of having a healthy child regardless of sex and consider whether you need some help for your irrational reaction to having a girl v having boys. Surely a parent wants happy, well balanced, healthy children and their sex is irrelevant.

I have a boy and a girl.
I love them both equally, but my son is easy to talk to, thoughtful and I relax more around him.
One sex isn't better than the other....

You were not smug or rubbing her face in it. She is probably very happy with her healthy boy. She probably, infact definitely, has come accross such insular and ridiculous thoughts that girl children are wanted more than boy children.

Us " boy mums" are used to these ignorant ideas and we just ignore, and file you under "twit"

@Cringecringecringecringe, my DGS was a girl at his first scan. At the second he was a boy.

This. Having a girl isn't better than having a boy. I say this as someone who's got 2 of each. You just love and want the child you get.

Both my sister and I moved overseas as adults, whereas our brother lives on the same street as our parents. Perhaps try to overcome your stereotyping and just parent the child you have for who they are, not for who you want them to be.

I think it might make it worse if you say anything else.
When you have a teenage daughter you’ll look back at this moment 😉

Come on OP, you can't really believe this generalisation is a fact 🤣 . It seems to be quite common for people to assume that daughters are born to serve the purpose of being their mother's BFF. This kind of pressure is what drives adult children away.

I’m a mum of 2 girls and it’s never crossed my mind to tell someone that’s what I was hoping for… I was secretly hoping for one of each, but the entire pregnancy I was focused on them being happy and healthy after having 2 miscarriages. Also I never got to excited until they arrived. Nobody has ever said to me they’re jealous of me having girls or that boys are better. I don’t understand this at all?

But in contrast to most on this thread I think if explaining yourself will take away your anxiety then do it. Just be very careful how you word it something like “sorry about wanging on about a girl yesterday, I’m really anxious and tired at the mo. Don’t know why I said that”. I am an over thinker so totally know how you feel.

But just look forward to having a healthy baby now and keep your gender preferences in your own head. You might get a girl who doesn’t want to do any of the girly stuff you had planned anyway. Health and happiness over everything else x

As a mum of 4 boys, who are absolutely amazing adults now ...you are fucking weird. Please don't breed anymore, just in case you do have a boy and fuck him up for life with your disappointment

You sound like a prat. Those kinda thoughts should be inside thoughts. I mean let’s face it, your little girl a tom boy, loath the girly stuff ie shopping, clothes, pink shite, and one day could want to be a boy when she grows up!

What did your husband want? Statistically most men want boys and are more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.
Maybe she will end up having the last laugh.

I would just think you were a bit of a unhinged loony tunes and avoid you next time I seen you at the gym. For me, gym talk is basic politeness about the weather, I would not be interested in the slightest about you being pregnant.

I know 2 people this happened to.

One was fine but the other, well, she was similar to the op. Looked at me with sympathy when talking about how she'll have one of each, kept harping on about how hard it must be emotionally to have 2 boys, asked if i was going to try for a third to get "my girl" (fuck no thats one of the main reasons I stopped at 2 just in case the third was a girl 😂).

Im not ashamed one bit to say I really enjoyed watching her sobbing into a colleagues arms (as colleague rolled her eyes at me over her shoulder) after her next scan revealed it was a boy 😂😂

I remember telling anyone who'd listen when I was pregnant that I hoped it was a girl because I couldn't face having two of my husband in the house. No one was offended at all, they just laughed as they know my husband! I suppose it's all about how you frame it.
I do have to say that I like to hear of people wanting girls. For millenia it has been the opposite and I'm glad a female child is now valued.

My extended family are predominantly women. Not enough boys in my family in my opinion. I have lots of experience of teenage girls and there are tween girls coming up also. I honestly haven’t experienced the nightmare of teenage girls some allude to.

Boys / girls, neither one is better than the other. And behaviour outcome is not stereotypical.

You're pregnant, presumably your first? And you're just caught up in all the excitement that comes with that? Don't worry about all the 'chew' you're getting on here, people are misconstruing the incident with the other woman. You worry that you 'may' have come across as smug, not that you actually were! *and you're perfectly entitled to have a preference on the sex of your baby. People on here are actually the CF's for desperately trying to dampen your elation. Congratulations And I hope it all goes well!