To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

In your position I’d consider the cost of a tv, the cost of a divorce, and decide since dh is all about money I’ll break the tv, as that’s the cheapest. Then I’d explain it all to him.

So they all just ignored you and walked all over you. So disappointing. I'm sorry they treated you like that and I'm sorry you weren't able to stick up for yourself OP.

People who think like this:

• Are usually the loudest person in any room
• Use the phrase “I’m just being honest” liberally
• Have lost more friends than kept but never think it’s their fault

Love your style 😂

I am a middle aged, size 4-6 woman - do people really think I should have stood on my doorstep and physically denied them entry? My friend is a larger lady and her husband an ex amateur rugby player. I can assure you - there’d be no shifting them!

They probably consider a larger TV not posh enough for them, unless they want to watch the football. I'm afraid your husband is a twat.

I am a middle aged, size 4-6 woman

Are you an American?

I am sorry OP but your 'D'H is still getting off far too lightly. It looks as though he is still trampling all over your feelings and that is why he is comfortable inviting his friends into your home to be rude to you and confident you won't fight back. He knows you are not confrontational and exploits it. If you don't take a stand then things are going to be miserable for you.

I used to be a very unassertive person...am much tougher now than I used to be through standing up for myself repeatedly whether it was difficult or not, but the first few times were hard. The key was to know that I was doing the right thing in saying what I needed to say, and tolerate feeling awkward/embarrassed/scared in the moment; I decided what my standards are and stick to them like glue.

Who cares?

So your DH's convenience trumps all. What will he be an arse about once the WC is over?

Actually, I think you did stand up for yourself.
It's tempting to have a big confrontational show down, but in real life it is sometimes easier to think about what the eventual outcome is..
and sometimes, y0u have to be assertive in stages. I think you managed this well.

You wanted to fade her out without giving her any more opportunity to create drama and gossip about you to her Whatsapp buddies.

So you made you point by boycotting the "takeaway" and not spending a whole evening in their company. I do think that must have been difficult for you and it actually had an effect but she KNOWS now that you will stand up to her and that she's no longer someone you really think of as a friend and that you will take action if she steps over the line again.

Respectfully your DH is an idiot, living in a world cup dream which will shortly be over. Staggering that he reinvaded them. Must be tone deaf.
I think he is being heavily influenced by her DH.. it would be different if her DH wanted to build bridges, but instead of that he led the mocking sarcastic cheers. The whole women in the kitchen gossipping scenario they created was deplorable and I think her DH is even more obnoxious than she is.

Edited to add. I think that solving this situation was probably not going to be accomplished in one burst, due to your DH... but now you have a chance to regroup and be assertive again. It's probably difficult trying to reason with DH when he's hungover and he cannot see past his "but its the World Cup" argument/ But it will make the point if you are not there for the next one which is "I do not want to spend time in their company"

You hugged the woman!

When you had expressly told her she wasn't welcome in your home.

Yes, even if I'd been scrupulously and coldly polite while fetching a drink from the kitchen, I wouldn't have hugged her or engaged in any meaningful way.

I agree, we've been led down the garden path on a long piece of string.

Ah... well, a UK size 4-6 is extremely thin. Basically, child-size. American 4-6 is a bit larger.

It's not compulsory to comment on posts you aren't interested in, by the way.

I think maybe this convo has run its course for me

You asked if you would be unreasonable to uninvite - majority replied no.

Things have progressed tenfold since then and you have received a tonne of great advice (from both sides of the fence)

But ultimately , what you allow , is what will continue

Best of luck

Op I think you did very well here given what you were facing.

The suggestions you should have stopped her at the door or called the police are ridiculous. Your DH told her she was welcome and it's his home too.

You've given her no ammunition to say you contributed to the fall out. You told her multiple times you wanted an apology from her. She had let herself down bigtime.

I think the only way to deal now is to simply always be unavailable. Let her figure out over time that you simply no longer like her.

So he doesn't care at all how you feel? What a shitty person he is.

You think that they’d have physically moved you and walked into your house? Seriously? And your husband would have let them?

If so, please understand that this is not a normal or acceptable way to be treated.

The fact that your DH is planning on hosting them AGAIN is quite shocking. You are afforded no respect or power in your own home. How can you live like that?!

Your DH values watching the game from the comfort of his own home (doesn't have to get home after) and watching with his mate than taking on board your hurt at very bad treatment. It's a bit shitty isn't it

Did he expect you to clear up after them last night too?

OP we need background on the characters in this saga. They must have tried this shit on before if they feel this bold around walking all over you like this.

and you absolutely need to do a 3rd thread

Are you the same one demanding to know the exact menu?

But it would only be him going OP. He can get a taxi there and back.

You need to insist on this. He is properly taking the piss OP.

there is no way this is the only situation in your marriage where you are pushed aside is it. It can’t be, he clearly just expects you to roll over.

Are you the poster who deemed my post both boring and annoying, but still had to comment on it?