To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

Unashamedly placemarking.

@CypressGrove "as your food was from somewhere I wouldn’t usually shop”

How did (ex)friend know where OP shopped ? Unless OP told her?
If OP told her, surely it was up to (ex)friend to say "Can you not get ingredients from Superstore because their food items don't suit our stomachs" ?

She's just talking a load of rubbish IMO

Well, to me, that could mean she went to a speciality spice shop, or a particular butchers who make their own aged meats and sausages. It could mean she served them store bought filled pasta with a jar sauce. It could mean anything.

I haven't been to a dinner party where the host served a three course meal for decades. The whole thing is very odd.

Well, to me, that could mean she went to a speciality spice shop, or a particular butchers who make their own aged meats and sausages. It could mean she served them store bought filled pasta with a jar sauce. It could mean anything.

I would pm the OP if I were you. You never know, she might let you know the full list! Then we can have a different thread to discuss the various shops and the quality of the ingredients. Only for those who are interested obviously.

I haven't been to a dinner party where the host served a three course meal for decades. The whole thing is very odd

I have. It’s quite normal.

So what happened OP?

I'm wondering how it all went last night .....did you manage to sneak upstairs without being detected OP ?

The so called friend criticised where the OP shopped and said the food was inferior. It's in the first thread I didn't make it up.

A 3 course meal isn't odd. It's you that's making it odd introducing the idea if specialist shops. That's clearly not was said in the first thread.

Because that was what the friend said - it was about where the OP shopped not the type of ingredients.

How did last night go @Dinnertext?

Haven’t been served a 3 course meal in decades? We were served one at a friends house on Friday and we served one in our house to friends last night! It’s perfectly normal.

It was stressful arriving back, I thought I was going to be able to go straight upstairs unnoticed but as it was half time in the football the TV was muted and it was obvious I arrived home. DH and his friend were pissed and did a loud sarcastic cheer and started football chanting at me as I came in. My friend wasn’t in the living room with them and DH’s friend said ‘she’s in the kitchen go and have a gossip’.

That comment pissed me off, but I did go in to see what she had to say for herself, in a way hoping to give her what for. Unsurprisingly, she was fairly blasé but did somewhat row back on her previous suggestion that my food had made her ill; ‘well if you two also didn’t get ill maybe we got it wrong’, and said she’d be ‘willing to eat here again’.

I outright asked her why she didn’t apologise - she says on reflection she should have done but was being stubborn, had a stressful week due to work and it was her time of the month (which I don’t feel is a valid excuse). She did then apologise and hug me.

I stayed chatting for a bit before going up to bed - not that I could sleep with the noise made during the match.

DH is already up and saying what a great night I missed, how it was a lovely takeaway and our friends didn’t have to do that. He’s already said if England reach the final that he’s offered to host them again. I was hoping to step back from my friend to be honest, and wait for her to reach out again.

I am very glad the evening is over.

Your “D”H is a sensitive, empathetic chap isn’t he.
😮☹️

Well done for sticking to your guns. Had you told her that you wouldn’t be there prior to them arriving?

Yeah I’d just fade her out. Might it need to be after the World Cup.. although When your husband says he will host, does he mean he will do all the hosting? Food buying and cooking (and cleaning afterwards?)

fwiw you handled it well. Going out was good. Do that for the final if you can. Make plans to go out even to watch a couple of films back to back at the cinema. I’m glad you called her out to her face. Now you need to do the same with your dick of a husband. And then fade her out.

If England get into the final then you can put sorbitol in all the food so they definitely will get ill and won’t come back again.

Yes she was well aware I wouldn’t be there.

He says the plan would be to get a takeaway from the same place again.

Well done OP, the only adult in the room.

You have sorted your friend, you now need to sort your husband. What a twat. I would make it absolutely clear that you will not tolerate being made to exit your own house again to avoid an invitation you oppose. If he wants to see them he can go to theirs.

for me, it would be line in the sand time. If he insists on inviting them again, knowing how you don’t support it and how awful your friend has been, then he has gone from being selfish to being something a bit more sinister, and I’d be considering my relationship.

Well done to you OP. I’m sorry your husband is such an unsupportive numpty.

Your husband is a dick. HTH.

Good. You stuck to what you said. She probably thought you would change your mind.

Same again next time?

I know this is over, but I truly think you have a major DH issue. I could not look at him the same way after this and would be taking a close look at my marriage and the all the micro aggressions he has made over the years that I might have been ignoring or simply missed until now.

I’d be fading the friend out, too. She doesn’t sound at all pleasant or kind or considerate. You deserve better.

Am truly horrified that a DH can treat his DW like this. Yes, this was a small and apparently unimportant [in the scheme of life not the world cup] footie game and meal, but it represents so much more in terms of how you wish to live going forward.

I’m not sure I could forgive my DH if he did this to me

'Extremely upset stomachs' normally means diarrhoea and vomiting, not indigestion.

You are twisting everything that OP has said to put her in the wrong.