To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

I think if she actually turned up I would cut the plug off as they were walking up the drive.

Drop plug in water job done and feckless unsupportive husband would need to watch elsewhere with them.

I would seriously be considering divorce as so unsupported at home.

Really sad for you.

I am so angry on your behalf. I couldn't look at my husband in the same way again after his attitude

I haven't read this whole update thread but I really want you to go to your Mum's and stay there overnight. It may concentrate your DH's mind as to whose wishes he should be prioritising here.

Also you know the way this started with your friend bitching about you behind your back? Now I imagine you have your husband and your friend both bitching about you behind your back to each other.

I had a similar situation with a best friend. In the end, after a few months of stewing, I had to decide whether this one fall out in decades of friendship was really worth throwing it all away. I eventually decided it wasn’t. I told her how it’d made me feel, she apologised, and we’re kind of back on track.

At the end of the day you need to decide if this is the hill you’re prepared to die on, or whether you just tell her it pissed you off, you won’t be cooking for them again, and move on.

I accidentally sent my DIL a message I meant for my sister. All It said was I hope..... is in a better mood tonight. When I realised my mistake I thought I'd collapse. We get on exceptionally well & I'd never do anything to hurt her but she was in an unusually bad mood during the previous visit. My son called me to say she was upset & angry & I rushed over to apologise profusely etc. Thankfully she admitted she had been short with me due to not sleeping well the night before so all ended well. My point is when you have made this type of hurtful error it's only right you apologise with an explanation & admit it was out of order.

The OP is not blowing this out of proportion. This woman hurt her & she has the audacity to refuse to apologise & worse goad her by saying she is turning up at her house despite knowing how upset the OP is. There are some things you can't fix especially if the person in the wrong refuses to accept & admit responsibility for the hurtful mistake.

Sleep on your Mum's sofa if you have to.

So she needs time to host but you don't ?

She says she is looking forward to seeing me and having a laugh about how ridiculous it all is and ‘making up properly in person’.

WTAF is all that ^ about ?

Does she want you to all link arms and sing 'Kumbyah' ? 😒

She's upset you and you are being "ridiculous". Wow ! She's just minimising your feelings OP

IMO she's so far up her own @r$e she can see next weeks $hi£.

If your DH isn’t going to back you(!) and your note that she/they are not welcome is being ignored(!!) the only thing for it is to let DH host the entirety of the thing. Bringing a takeaway with them is an absolutely ludicrous idea as it adds insult to injury. Your DH is remarkably cheap if his loyalty to you can be bought for a pizza and a few drinks.

I’d set up a cool box for drinks and snacks in my bedroom, take the fan and make sure there’s whatever on my iPad / facemasks I want, etc. Actually I’d be tempted to take all the batteries out of the remotes/whole house after putting it on the hallmark film channel, remove any and all snacks and drinks except those expressly bought by DH, take the fan/AC upstairs with you…

Tell her your DH will go to hers and bring his own fucking fork if they are not organised enough to host.

I would definitely not be chased out of my home by a woman who is no longer my friend - why would you give her the opportunity to sit on your sofa, eat a takeaway off your plates and slag you off?! Send her a final message - 'Do not come to my home tomorrow as I will not let you in. If you try to insist, I will call the police.' Tell your husband what you are prepared to do and suggest he might feel more comfortable at their house.

I’m fuming on your behalf OP. How are you being turned into the villain here? She was cruel behind your back, she should have egg on her face. I can’t believe she STILL hasn’t apologised!

You have every right to be offended by her and not want her in your home. God know what else she says behind your back

Oh she does, and she is clearly engaging the mn “tinkly laugh” to the dh… ‘gosh I don’t know why @Dinnertext is creating such a problem…. I mean we’re all ok with how shitty we’re being to her aren’t we?!”

This!!

As suggested, I would do a joint chat with the 3 of them, reiterating that as you have previously said more than once, she is NOT welcome to your house and you'll call the police if she tries to force her way in.

Your "D"P can go there or watch it at home alone. Their choice.

I absolutely would NOT be leaving my home!!

I can’t believe how this has escalated. Her actual text was so minor and could have been easily fixed by a sincere apology. The fact that she has doubled down so hard that she is now actually turning up to your home uninvited while refusing to host because she apparently has higher standards is just insane. I’m so sorry they are all trying to gaslight you into thinking you are wrong so just want to add my support. I would feel exactly the same in your shoes and I think you were right to expect a simple apology then move on. It is your friend who has created then escalated this situation.

This sums it all up. ^

I think you have a husband problem OP - as well as a 'friend' problem.

I'm sorry x

Your husband values free food over loyalty to you @Dinnertext yet you are so passive about it, it’s no wonder this woman thinks she can bull doze you. No doubt backed up by that cheap glutton thinking of stuffing his face for free, telling her you are being dramatic.

That is the value he places on your and your relationship. Never mind not hosting cheeky bitch, you shouldn’t be letting a man who thinks so little of you in your house.

Your DH is essentially now the reason that this woman is coming to yours. Yet you seem to have no inclination to do anything about that and your DH, and instead are basically invested in perpetuating the ongoing saga of this “cheeky fucker”.

So she’s coming over and you can’t go anywhere for the night and have to leave your mum’s early, so you are bound to see her.

To be blunt, I think you need to ask yourself what you want more: to make sure she doesn’t come to yours or to get another thread of two of material out of this.

This whole thing really has me riled up. If I were in your position and your husband doesn't support you, I would go to my bedroom with a good book as soon as they arrived.

Exactly this. The thick skinned 'friend' just wants to laugh it off but it has gone way past that. The insistence on coming even though she knows the OP does not want to to come ,and the ignorant and insensitive selfishness of the husband, is getting close to bullying.

Fgs! Do not leave your house! And tell the CF she cannot come to your house under any circumstances. Her DH can if your DH so decides.
When you said you'd be sneaking back into your house I felt sick. Seems like all 3 are ganging up on you. Do not allow that. No and fuck off are reasonable replies. I really hope you stand up to all of them.
Have a great takeaway, a few beers and enjoy the football. And make sure you send a selfie with the DHs to her.

I do worry that if OP leaves tomorrow night, then there is a precedent being set that her DH will just continue to invite them round when he wants and she will keep having to leave her home! Also, on a more general note, that her DH will just continue to disregard her feelings and wishes.

I’m so angry that your DH is treating you like this OP

😄Love your style !

Ahh, reading that has made me feel so sad because it's true. Go ballistic @Dinnertext Fuck the lot of them.

If nothing else, it’s so rude for her to ignore what you are now clearly saying in texts to her. Really odd behaviour.