To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

Can you explain why you can't sleep at your mum's? ( Not that I think you should have to... Your ex friend shouldn't cross your threshold) . But why cant you? She must have a sofa??

I think the friendship is well and truly dead now, so I would feel compelled to nuke it into orbit. I can think of many fun ways to do this off the top of my head.

But above all else you really do need to get angry and stop making excuses for your husband. All this stuff about focusing on the game - no problems! He can do so, with his friend. All he has to do is tell his friend he just wants it to be a boys only night. No problem at all, surely? Or is he too wet to stand up to his mate?

She's a nasty bully who hasn't an ounce of respect for you or your husband.

Your husband really is scum.
The utter dregs of society whobthinks a game of football is more important than his wife.

The way he speaks down to you and dismisses you is truly shocking.
Don't think its normal, because its not.
His profound disloyalty isn't normal.

And by hosting tomorrow and allowing her in, he will be advertising to her and everyone else that she will undoubtedly tell, that your husband hasn't one ounce of respect or loyalty to you.

He is happy to make a holy show of himself and you.....over football 🙄

I suppose you have children with him?
Stay the night with your mother.
Do not come home.

How you could ever allow him near you again would be beyond me.

he won’t allow anything to disrupt or distract from the evening or ‘build up’ as he puts it

This is what I mean OP. Why does he get to dictate this to you. Is he the boss of you?

I would very much be disrupting the evening. I would stand in the doorway and refuse her entry. If she managed to get in, I would tell her to leave. I would say you're not welcome here.

And I would continue like that until she left. I would stand in front of the tv and talk over it. Why do you feel that you have no voice in your own home to such an extent as you have to leave rather than her?

You need to be more direct. Say “friend you were rude and gossiping negatively about me behind my back. I’ve asked you not to come and you have repeatedly refused to respect my wishes . I am going out on Saturday and I dont want you to come to my house. Im not sure how to be any clearer”

I had a friend with a big house - shecwas a mum in my daughter's primary class and her house was way bigger than everyone else's. She also had a nanny. And she used to insist everyone come to hers because she had the big house, the big kitchen table, the big garden. It was insufferable and everyone got v fed up with her. She was so controlling and superior.

OP your "friend" is doing similar - putting you down, making it clear she thinks she's better than you. Controlling everything. Gaslighting you.

You can't be friends on that kind of basis.

This, as Bridget’s friend Shazza would say… “fuck em.. fuck the lot of them!”

OP do you think she’ll still come over if she knows you’re not going to be there?

I mean, that really takes the biscuit if she does.

it sounds like you’ll just have to face into whatever when you get home. No arguments, no discussion, straight upstairs.

but. You’ll still need to deal with your husband completely disrespecting your feelings and creating a situation in your home that meant you had to go somewhere else.

you need to make it clear that you may have tolerated once, but you won’t twice.

The way some people just won't apologise is crazy to me. She could have fixed this in the moment and instead they're all acting like you're the issue when you're not. I know my partner would have had my back in this and it's such a shame that yours is behaving this way. I'm really sorry OP. I'd probably book myself back to back late movies in the cinema and eat lots of popcorn.

@Stationbike
Stay the night with your mother.
Do not come home.

This ^ was what I was going to say.
Pack a suitcase and go for a few days.
It will give you time to review your relationship.

I'm sorry it's turned out badly for you x

What's childish about 3 people ganging up on another ?

She can’t stay overnight with her mum.

How far is the nearest Premier Inn? I'd be tempted to drive quite a distance. Go somewhere lovely on Sunday.

Yes book the nearest Premier Inn and have a nice weekend away OP

You need to tell him that if he doesn't want anything to distract from the build up, he needs to sort out with his mate where they're going to watch ASAP, because it ain't going to be at your house. The obvious solution is to go to his mate's house and have the takeaway that Hyacinth was planning on ordering, so she doesn't have to cater, but if she doesn't want to do that, that's not your problem. He'll probably whinge, but if he'd backed you up when all this had started, then things might not have escalated to this point.

Her sad passing does put things in perspective. So you would think your dick of a husband would want to spend time making sure his wife is happy and not been talked about in such horrid terms and being harassed by this vile woman

Build up schmuild up! I’m excited too but the build up starts Saturday afternoon. He doesn’t need all week to fixate on it. He’s making excuses to put his head in the sand

I have admit this would be a great choice if the money is there. A nice seaside Premier Inn. Cafe breakfast.

I would not be driven out of my own home by this woman.
I'd stay
I'd make sure I opened the door
I'd block the entrance so they couldn't just stroll in and very bluntly tell her to refer to my messages, she wasn't welcome at my home & wasn't coming in.
And she would not come in.

Your husband is a grade A tosser to not have your back over this.

Yes, cross me and I will not forget it, or forgive it.

I bet OP does all the cooking and cleaning and running around after him too. She sounds downtrodden and won't stick up for herself.

I was wondering about that -. something smells fishy here 🙄

Oh yes she will come round, I’m sure of that. She doesn’t seem to think there’s an issue!

@Dinnertext I suspect that your husband is encouraging her to come, and has probably told her you'll be fine, when you actually see her face to face. Otherwise this does not make any sense at all. NO-ONE is as thick as she appears to be.

Your husband's behaving appallingly. I'd be more disappointed in him than her at this point. The fact he's spinning it as not taking sides/staying out of it makes it much worse.

He married you. He shouldn't be undermining you on something you clearly feel so strongly about. They're ganging up to bully you. It would cost him nothing - nothing at all - to say to them sorry, can't do here, shall I bring the takeaway to yours or shall we find somewhere else to watch it?

I think you really need to be clear with her how much she has upset and insulted you. It's sounds like she hasn't understood what a CF she has been