To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

He seems a bit manipulative, the way he keeps using current affairs to dismiss talking about your feelings

I think you need to send one final message saying “no you will not be setting one foot in my house again as we clearly have very different views of friendship. Friends don’t bitch about each other or refuse to apologise when they’ve been caught being a bitch and they certainly do not ignore boundaries when they are told no you’re not invited. I didn’t want it to get to the blocking stage but you are not welcome in my house and if you turn up I will refuse to let you in.” Seriously who has the cheek to be such a bully? And don’t go out. Cause a scene if she rocks up and threaten to call the police unless she leaves. Your husband is only “friends” because she was your friend. I’m furious for you. And tell your prick of a husband that he’s a dick not backing you up. She cannot ignore you saying you’re not welcome. The friendship is over and she needs to know this.

Is your DH having an affair with this women or whats to? Because I can't understand why he has taken her side in this and why she is insisting on coming round. Has she no shame.i would not sneak back to my own home. I would book a Premier inn or similar if you can't stay all night at your mums. I think too, that if you come back to your home that night you will walk in and your DH will say " here she is got over your sulk yet" and make it even worse. It surely can't be only about the football, it is really suspicious the way he is acting.

Give over, you could not be this much of a walkover or married to someone who clearly dislikes you this much and be ok with it. But sure, everyone can continue to froth, im sure you can get to thread 3.

I feel like you are living in a twilight zone OP! Why would you want someone in your house that (a) clearly didn’t want to be there (the “again” in the first text wasn’t needed) & (b) then slags you off behind your back…
I also feel that her behaviour & attitude are being in the least validated by the attitude of your husband - all three are making out like this is a “you” problem, it isn’t!

I would make a point of walking out as soon as they arrive and say as you leave that she can text all her friends about you leaving if she wants.

As for your DH, I’d tell him how he has betrayed you and that this will change your relationship going forward as you no longer see the pair of you as a team. I’d also say that he can discuss this with your friend in texts seeing as she is so happy to discuss and mock you with others in this fashion.

I don't think there's any need to suggest an ulterior motive like that! He's just not interested in anything but the football and seeing his friend. He wants the OP to "put up and shut up".

And also add,
“ it’s your refusal to apologise and acknowledge my hurt, that is more of a problem at the moment than the original text “

I feel this is a triangulation situation. The 'friend' knows what she is doing, and views @Dinnertext as weak.

The DH in this situation doesn't give a shit as long as he has company to watch the match.

Neither care about OP's feelings at all.

I would stay at my mums and fuck them all off.

But then, as I said before, the OP knows they'll all be in her home slagging her off! That is unacceptable.

I'd stay at my mum's even if if meant kipping in a chair.

Yes, that's a great line to include.

I tried bringing it up again at dinner and he referred to Anne Widdecombe’s sad passing, saying it puts things into perspective and I should realise life is too short to hold grudges.

@Dinnertext I'd have retorted that yes, life's too short to bother with fake friends like this woman who talk about you behind your back! Stand up for yourself!

He obviously likes her DH and refuses to recognize that his wife is a cow.

I really don't understand why they can't all watch the match at the friends' house. It's not about hosting a perfect evening with a banquet dinner - it's about two mates getting together to watch a football match over a takeaway!

Why is she being so precious about it?

Why is your H being such a twat about it?

Why aren't you blasting your H about his lack of support for you?

Why do you have to 'be the bigger person', and not the rude, back-stabbing, snobby ex friend?

Honestly it's really just sad that you're just making excuses for how little your husband cares about you.

She KNOWS your opinions and feelings mean nothing in your house. Do you understand that? She KNOWS your husband will not have your back, that he'll choose a free takeaway over you, that he'll choose his friend over you, that he'll choose her over you. She KNOWS how little he cares about you. That's why she knows she can turn up, unwanted, unwelcome, and she will win. Because if you stand at the door saying they're not coming in he will push you out the way and tell them it's so nice to see them and sorry about the wife, don't listen to her, make yourself at home.

In your home, she is more important than you. It's honestly just so sad.

Oh what a shame about your location and lack of hotels.

I don’t know what to say now really.

Other than him referring to Ann Widdecombe ”he referred to Anne Widdecombe’s sad passing, saying it puts things into perspective and I should realise life is too short to hold grudges”

Ann Widdecombe would not have taken any shit from these people. Channel her attitude.

But they've already been doing that, so nothing new there!

What the ear doesn't hear, the heart doesn't grieve about, to misquote my granny.

Why can’t you stay at your Mum’s OP? Surely sleeping in her lounge on the floor would be better than coming home to that shitshow?

Heck, I’d even sleep in the car if it meant I didn’t have to see them.

I too wonder if your ex-friend has her eye on your DH.

@NoCommentingFromNowOn I agree, the OP needs to stand up for herself, I'd be raging in this situation.

I don’t understand how them all watching the match with a takeaway and making OP feel angry/betrayed is somehow supposed to make things better? If that was me firstly I’d apologise, but having been told I wasn’t welcome, I can’t imagine what would make me go there?

She is definitely enjoying this.

Christ.
You've got 2 separate problems here

1. your former "friend" is an absolute loon
2. your husband. Who hasn't got your back on this. I'm afraid I would be saying to him that if he continues to make light of my hurt,if he carries on showing the utter disrespect for me he has,he can find somewhere else to watch football. Permanently. It was quite a simple matter to show he was behind you over this,he'd only got to make it clear to the other couple how upset you were and it would be best for them to stay away. That's it. Quite easy and simple. But no,he doesn't give a flying fig about you or your feelings. I couldn't be with him anymore. I can't tell you how disappointed and hurt I'd be about his dismissal of how strongly I felt about this.

I know! My response would be along the lines of “yes, life’s too short for me to put up with being bullied.”

First thing that came to mind was OPs mum living in a care home or sheltered housing or something like that. Even living independently, some of these places forbid overnight guests.

Op you seem to just go along with your husband.

Anne W has nothing to do with it. I‘d be telling him to wise up or he would find himself alone after the next England match for a LONG time.

he can watch the match at theirs. End of! I’d divorce over this. It’s wild!!

he‘s beyond the pale. Never mind idiot friend- she’s awful but he’s worse!

If my DH was behaving like your DH is behaving I would be considering whether I wanted to stay married.

He does not care about your feelings at all.

You have no say over what happens in your own home.

Your former friend and her husband both know that your husband holds you in such utter contempt that he will side with them against you.

This is not a partnership that is worth saving.