To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

The disrespect shown by the three of them is awful.

I honestly don’t think I could be home while they are all there.

If I couldn’t stay at my mums I’d definitely go to a cheap hotel for at least that night. How are you ever going to trust your husband to have your back again?

Wtf? Satire, I hope.

If your husband was smart, what he would do is tell HIS friend, "You'd better get your wife to apologise to my wife or we will be relegated to the pub to watch the game."

Instead, your husband, his friend, and his friend's wife, have ALL doubled down on getting YOU to give in. When you are the only person who is not in the wrong here! None of them are willing to get this woman to do the right thing and apologize for slagging you off behind your back. Awful.

A pox on all of them.

I would have replied the menu text and said “No thanks, I won’t be here.”

Well this issue has been going on for days now, so they could easily have arranged to host your husband had they been arsed to do so. I don't get the bloody-mindedness of it. Why would she want to be somewhere where she's not wanted so desperately?

Is she on ket? SHE. IS. NOT. WELCOME. 😅

Why on Earth is she still not getting the message?! I’m glad you’re standing by your gun, OP! This would leave a sour taste in my mouth and I’d certainly no longer call her my friend.

I wouldn't be sneaking around in my own house.

That's ridiculous, and that's totally a 'her' problem.

If there was no other option than for your H and his friend to watch the England match at your house, that's different.

But that's not the case.

I would reply to your rude ex-friend along the lines of: 'that's a shame your house is dirty and messy, but my DH is happy to slum it at yours so he can watch the match with his mate. Because he supports me in you not coming into our house again.'
Copy your H in to it and TELL him that he needs to get himself to theirs tomorrow night.

I'm sick of people like your DH who say "be the bigger person", usually a code for let people treat you like shit for tne sake if a quiet life ..weak spineless.

This thread is so childish but also interesting

Even more astonishing.

Should have been more like this:

She has replied to me agreeing that she hosts because it’s ridiculous and unkind to me that I should be expected to host her in my house when I've made clear she isn't welcome. She says she is looking forward to seeing me another time soon to offer a sincere apology and hope I will forgive her enough to ‘make up properly in person’.

I'm increasingly uncomfortable for you OP as it seems the three of them have just decided to gang up on you and either strongarm you into submission or drive you out of your own home while they all have a jolly time. They all deserve to be dumped.

I think she is enjoying causing further upset to the OP and driving a wedge between her and her 'D'H.

That's how I see it. She cares not one bit for OP's feelings.

Unfortunately neither does spineless DH, on the face of it.

Power trip. She's coming into OP's home when she doesn't want her there and OP's husband is openly favouring her over his own wife. She's top dog.

100% this. What a nasty woman. I would honestly be putting my foot down here extremely strongly. I cannot believe anyone could be so disrespectful. I’m sorry your husband is proving to be a total melt as well. I actually agreed it was fine for him to still meet up with his friend, but he absolutely needs to say he’s backing you up re his friend’s wife.

Blimey.

still going on,

do you like her and care about her, OP?
or is it past that now?

I suggest you stop giving this so much headspace and certainly wouldn’t be leaving the house, then creeping around afterwards. But have a good time with your mum anyway if that’s what’s sorted.
If you want to have some sort of relationship going forward, call her and tell her she needs to put herself in your shoes for a minute.

Tell her to understand how upset you were by the message to the other person. She needs to clearly understand you want a proper apology for her insensitivity.

You all ate the same food, you and your husband weren’t sick so their illness had nothing to do with your cooking!

If you don’t want anything to do with her going forward (wouldn’t blame you, she sounds like a cow) make sure Dh brings a takeaway or booze to their house. Or she’ll be bitching about him being tight.

"you seem to be really revelling in making me uncomfortable in my own home and driving a wedge between myself and my husband. I have nothing to laugh about with you, you have mocked me behind my back, and you don't give a shit how you have made me feel, to the extent that you are enforcing your way into my home when I have made it clear I don't want to see you. I won't be socialising with you. You have massively damaged our friendship and my marriage. Enjoy your evening slagging me off behind my back, with my own husband no less."

I really don't understand how you're not more angry at your husband. I'd be fuming. You back your husband/wife. You might tell them behind closed doors that you don't agree, but you do not take someone else's side in a dispute against the person you married. "Forsaking all others". He's massively undermined your relationship. I wouldn't be able to look at him and he certainly wouldn't be welcome in my bed.

I'd be very tempted to reply "Are you hard of reading? You are not welcome in my home. Your husband can come if he wants, as long as he's alone. I'm not sure how clearer I can be, and I can assure you I've no intention of us being friends again. You might think bitching about us to other people is something to laugh off, but I don't."

Your DH is really the problem because he is allowing it.

There are obviously much bigger problems in your marriage because a man doesn't go from a normal, reasonable, supportive partner to one that doesn't allow you a voice in your home.

You don't like confrontation so he always gets what he wants. This isn't going to change and I suspect this dinner is just one example in many. I don't think you are going to do anything about it though, except slink away.

He can’t see past the football at the moment, he won’t allow anything to disrupt or distract from the evening or ‘build up’ as he puts it. I tried bringing it up again at dinner and he referred to Anne Widdecombe’s sad passing, saying it puts things into perspective and I should realise life is too short to hold grudges.

A hotel is out of the question; we are relatively rural so not only are the decent hotels expensive on a Saturday, I’ve looked and the standard rooms are booked.

I couldn't agree more. You can just imagine what she's been saying to that mutual friend that she meant to message with the text that started all this.

So why can’t old Twatty McTwatface then apologise for her behaviour? What’s his excuse for her?

omg every post you write about another braindead thing your wally DH says makes me even more angry. I am FUMING on your behalf. Don’t concede. Don’t relent.

I’d boot all three of them into the sea.

Did you tell her to have the takeaway at her house?

what a dreadful creature she is