To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

I guess my only concern would be if you are part of a bigger friendship group and won't be able to avoid seeing her in future. My daughter fell out with her boyfriend's friend's girlfriend and she avoids all the social get together the group has.

The problem is if you do back down that you’re conceding that she is right after all and she’s absolutely vindicated

setting a precedent in your “friendship”

she doesn’t sound like much of a friend to me

I'd make a group chat with her, her dh and you and yours. She was no reason to be messaging your dh separately then..
And he has no justification in messaging her behind your back either then..
He's skating on thin ice imo

But your DH has replied to her the food he wants from the takeaway. So it sounds like she’s going to turn up. Have you spoken to your DH again?

I AM AGOG

OMG i can't believe she's still persisting with riding roughshod over you and determined to force her way into your home! She can shove her menu up her arse. Probably won't even feel it since she has the hide of a rhino.So glad you said no don't come here. She might still ignore you though and turn up giggling about how your husband was so keen for her to come and bring lovely food.

As for your husband, I hate him a bit more each time you post. If he's so desperate to watch football with his mate and guzzle a free takeaway from his ghastly wife he can GO TO THEIR HOUSE. Why is he imploring you to give in? Does it not occur to him that he is wiping his feet all over you to let that vile woman have her own way. Unbelievable.

Your husband is an absolute scumbag and she is relying on him choosing her over ryou

Yeah I hate to say it OP but why on earth is your husband so determined for this woman to come to your house? Why does he care more about her feelings than yours? This sounds suspicious to me.

Yeah there’s something really wrong here.

She was laughing at the OPs cooking with other people behind her back.

It's not the worst thing ever, but having been exposed the correct response would be: oh gosh, I'm really sorry I've upset you, I didn't mention it at the time because we'd had a great evening and tbh weren't sure why we were ill. I'm so embarrassed about all this. Let me make it up to you and treat us all to a takeaway this weekend instead?

That acknowledges OPs feelings are hurt, shows they are sorry for that and they way they've handled it.

All then fine and just an embarrassing incident all can move on from.

But the just get over it because I'm coming to your house anyway, would be a No from me.

The takeaway order is the awful-woman just reinforcing her point that OPs food is bad and adding more salt to the found.

she sounds utterly vile

Still no apology.

And the husband and other guy have just……basically ignored it all.

Well - the ex friend has basically ignored it all too.

OP, you need to focus on getting yourself some friends and people around you who actually like you.

Maybe because he feels it's a lot of drama over nothing, and that someone saying they don't like your food is not really a reason to start WW3 😂

It's such a non-issue, fair enough not to bother cooking anymore, but that aside?
All the over-reactions on this thread? Completely ridiculous, and unrealistic, none of the posters would do or say any of the "advice" they post on here

So maybe the husband is just not fuelling that nonsense.

Has your DH blamed it on your hormones yet? He seems the type.

So maybe the husband is just not fuelling that nonsense.

His wife has been incredibly hurt by this woman. Whatever he thinks of the reasons, surely he looks at his wife and……..feels something? Some love or something?

Thats what he seems to be lacking, any care for her or her feelings. She’s very upset and he’s just ‘meh, I got my supermarket beers so I’m fine’.

It's not about the cooking. It's about the laughing about her cooking to other people. We don't do that to our friends.

Sorry but your DH sending his takeaway choices when you expressly said you didn’t want them coming over for a takeaway is bonkers?!
Does he normally just do as he pleases and not take what you want into consideration…?
How he is behaving is not normal even if he thinks it’s a drama over nothing!
If he thinks it’s unnecessary why not just shrug it off and arrange to go to theirs, I really don’t understand why they are insisting on coming to yours.
No one behaves like this in the real world surely even taking the argument about your cooking out of the equation
“I don’t want you to come to my house Saturday, I’m not in the mood to host you so please don’t come”
Friend “ Well we’ve been friends for a long time, so regardless I’m coming and bringing a takeaway!”
Its crazy!

I certainly would not be friends with someone who gossiped about me and made fun of me behind my back, but I appreciate we don’t all have the same standards.

And on a very basic level, would you really rock up at someone’s house who had told you they absolutely did not want you there? How desperate is that?

At this point, an apology wouldn't mean anything, I wouldn't even mention it anymore. I'm not sure if anything would salvage the friendship for me, but nothing that could be done or said between now and tomorrow would make it possible for me to socialize with them this weekend.

I'd probably go to a hotel, but don't have anyone local to crash with last minute. Were I you, I'd go to my Mom's(leaving well before the "friends" arrived), plan to stay over if possible, and spend a good part of Sunday with my Mom as well, making sure my husband knew I expected him to clean up any mess from the party that HE hosted.

How on earth would someone who witters on about food standards / lower quality food feel safe to order a take away in this weather...she is ghastly and a total hypocrite.

(Love a take away but transporting it in this heat is a risk).

your so called friend and your dh are both back stabbing pieces of work

She has replied to me suggesting she hosts to say it’s ridiculous that she should be expected to do so at short notice and she could never prepare a suitable evening without proper notice. She says she is looking forward to seeing me and having a laugh about how ridiculous it all is and ‘making up properly in person’.

I'm going to go against the grain here but it sounds to me like she feels bad and wants to make amends (based on sending you the takeaway menu etc). Some people aren't inherently bad people but are just too stubborn to apologise.

If you otherwise like their company and your DH is good mates with her DH ... I think I'd be tempted to let it go, and let them come over for footie and a takeaway. Assuming they are treating you to the takeaway! I wouldn't feel inclined to cook for them for a good while though ...

My plan remains to go to my mums but they will be here when I return as the game will still be half way through. Hopefully I can sneak upstairs without having to see them.