Equal bill splitting annoyance

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Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

Exactly. And why is it ok they don’t.

The thing is that it very often doesn’t. People usually have habits in their consumption so there will be someone in the group who always has a few glasses of wine with dinner, and someone who genuinely is happy with just a soda, or is vegetarian (which is almost always the cheapest option) : it never evens out if they just split the bill equally every time.

Why do you care if people eat a salad / want to keep to their budget?

I would say in advance the next time a trip is organised that I'd rather everyone pay for drinks separately - or even better, everything separately. I absolutely hate bill splitting unless everyone gets the same set menu or everyone is a non-drinker or something.

The last time bill splitting was sprung upon me I was left to overpay twice as much as my meal cost. Every time it happens I end up annoyed.

How dare people not have as much money as you do. That is such a silly comment to make.

What happens if you don't want boozy drinks though? I can only have one glass of wine, especially on a work night. I have no desire to wake up with a headache.

Why do people think it's ok to rip off their so-called friends? Pay for what you consume.

Agree that taking cash is a good option, you just leave it on the table or get someone to pay for yours and theirs on their card and keep the cash.

What about the drinks?

Can't be bothered thanks- why post unless you want different people's opinions & then just make pathetic rude replies when they take time to state their experience, advice & views? With that attitude I am just surprised that you have 'friends' who want to socialise with you anyway.

Drinks should always be off the main bill.

Some restaurants do not like to split bills, so this should be sorted at the table.

I would just be paying for what I had if they are going to take the piss.

You can't have read very carefully, then.

How rude!

Do you usually jump into conversations halfway through and insist people go back to the start because you can't be bothered to catch up?

You "can't be bothered" to understand someone else's point of view that they have carefully explained in the course of a debate? That's pathetic, all right...

OP posted a problem that she’s fed up of consistently paying over the odds and always has to subsidise her friend’s alcohol.

You popped up and said anyone who doesn’t split the bill equally is a skinflint because it’s give and take, and that’s what you do with your circle of friends and it works out even in the end.

Countless people have pointed out that it isn’t give and take in this instance, OP is always the giver and her friends are always the takers.

You will not back down. OP and her friends are not you and your friends. It’s a completely different situation so your comparisons won’t work.

Where have you given your reasons for it being ok for people who expect others to cover the cost of their meal/drinks?

Well given the state of hospitality at the moment I think the punters have the upper hand and if they want split bills, split bills they will have.

Here's one:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5552062-equal-bill-splitting-annoyance?reply=153433574&utm_campaign=reply&utm_medium=share

I'm not repeating every nuance of the argument. Read the thread.

Duplicate

I really don't get why it is seen as "mean or penny-pinching" to pay for what you eat and drink yourself. As a very light drinker who generally only eats one course, I simply don't see why the hell I should pay for those who pig out and drink heavily. Total cheeky fuckery.

Nice try. You've only said that everyone should be generous. Again, you haven't justified anywhere (and I have read all of your replies) why people should be expected to pay for others if they eat & drink more. If I cover the cost of other people's food & drinks, how are they being generous? Suggesting that everyone should approach the situation with generosity makes no sense as if everyone did that, the only people benefiting would be the staff

Or the other way around. I like expensive cocktails and occasionally ordering a more expensive item from the menu. I want to order what I want and pay for it, instead of buying something cheaper I don't feel like just so others won't have to overpay because of me.

They wouldn't have to overpay. You just say "I've had some more expensive drinks so I'll pay extra for what I have"

This all the way. I love cocktails and usually get three courses when I’m out because I like my food. I am always very clear that I will pay for my own meal because I don’t want to have to compromise on what I eat or drink in order to fairly split a bill. There have been times when my share of the bill has been double that of my friends’, and I am more than happy to pay it.

We could just all pay what we are having by default and there would be no need for any conversation.

Yes, it's just wild that anyone would think otherwise!

My mum has this a lot as she doesn't drink alcohol and has a small appetite so will have two courses max and her dessert will usually be something small and cheap like ice cream or sorbet. Why the hell should she pay towards other peoples' bottle(s) of wine and three course meals unless she actually wants to treat someone (in which case she'd probably be paying for the whole meal anyway). She always takes cash now and just pays for her own share plus tip.

That’s the way it should be.
What I notice usually though is it’s the biggest consumers who say shall we split! They are the penny pinchers in fact. Not those who are paying they’re bill.