Equal bill splitting annoyance

[Adfreefreezer]

Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

I would only pay what I had ordered plus a tip

Next time suggest cost of food is split equally but that each should pay for their own alcoholic drinks

Nobody is suggesting anything like that. You are making up ridiculous scenarios to try and make yourself look less unreasonable.

Yes.

Everyone should approach these situations in a spirit of generosity, not in a spirit of penny-pinching.

“Guys, if you’re ok I’m going to get my own bill since I don’t drink any alcohol.”

But people who are selfish/thoughtless like this may not react well.

No, I am making up ridiculous situations to try and make the previous poster think of relationships beyond the transactional, which she said she found impossible.

Don't say you hope that's okay and if he's pissed and you feel awkward,that's on you.

Guys, if you’re ok I’m going to get my own bill since I don’t drink any alcohol.”
You dont have to go that far.
"Guys, if you’re ok I’m going to get my own bill." is enough.

That works for our group.
Earlier I said if it was just two of us we split, more than that we pay our own. The exception tends to be when we have a set price meal. We buy our own drinks from the bar, Get the bill, round it up for a tip and then split it.

What were they being though, not to say “Oh,Adfree, you haven’t been drinking. We’ll pay for our wine”?

Oh dear you’re one of those, that’s ‘always’ happy to have others paying for your extras!

What you find impossible to understand is that it’s not acceptable to be a CF to your friends, guzzle the wine
and expect them to pay for it!

Let me tell you, your friends are thinking badly of you and you may find they’re all too busy to meet up in the near future.

She ordered £15 worth and it cost her £45 that's neither mean nor penny pinching. It's her friends taking advantage.

If I go out with friends and I can see mine is a bit more than theirs I offer separate bills or to add more of the spend.

Because I am not an arse and I like my friends.

Do that OP, that way you are not subsidising their drinks. It is quite fair.

So, you should order things you don't want to avoid being judged? I'll eat what I like, thanks (which is generally more than is good for me-but let the salad eaters do their thing).

I usually drink a lot, and I'm often quite diligent with time-keeping and get to the restaurant before others and have a drink, order snacks/appetisers (bread/olives, that sort of thing), so when they arrive they have something to munch on in the meantime.

When I always offer to pay extra, for what I have, I don't often drive, and take public transport whenever I can, so most of the others don't have tend to have anything alcoholic.

I mostly have decent friends and they say not to worry about it. It appears it's more important that we had a good time catching up and enjoying an evening out together.

In the cases where there's someone want to pay for what they had, I'll leave it up to them to work out how much I owe, and leave it at that. I'm not getting a calculator out in the restaurant to work this out, it looks embarrassing, and I often leave the table while they do this. As they want to calculate exactly what each person, then it's likely they'll work it out accurately.

I had this with a colleagues leaving do. I ordered a bottle of fizz which I knew would be shared between me and my manager. We offered everyone else a glass but no one wanted it. I took the cost of the wine off the bill before working out the share so I paid for my share plus the fizz.

We really need to get well away from the doormat mentality whereby people somehow feel mean, petty, unreasonable or a bad friend for paying for the food and drink that they've ordered and consumed!!

Have a separate drinks bill to the food bill. Or set expectations when you arrive that you'll all go to the bar for drinks but the food all goes on the bill.

They're taking the piss and they know it.

Thanks all! I messaged everyone earlier and said I wasn't going to split alcohol bill any longer as a non drinker , haven't heard back.

2 years ago when I got an unexpected bonus I paid the whole bill, last week the wealthiest drinker laughed when the bill came and said are you getting it, that's given me backbone , I replied last week and said absolutely not

The friend I am closest to I see every month just the 2 of us , the 2 drinkers I see 3 times a year maybe more sometimes so I'm starting to think no loss

I.just think it's rude actually after thinking about it

Yes I agree, I find it hard but I'm getting better at speaking out , should have done it before

Good well done

we take off the non drinker and they pay their share and divide the rest between drinkers

anyone reply yet @Adfreefreezer

Of course it's rude. Your wealthy friend was bullying you in a way asking if you were paying for her drinks. Fuck no lady, who do you think you are?

Separate checks are not a big deal at all, I don't know what all the crap is about splitting 4 ways or however many instead of just paying for your own food and drink.

You’re completely in the right of course but I think a message after the fact makes this into a bigger deal than it needs to be and wasn’t needed. You could have mentioned it before or during the next meet up. Now it looks like you’ve been festering over it since your meal.

Went out for a meal the other night with six friends.We said we wanted to pay separately and so when payment time came we each went up to the till, said what food and drinks we had had, asked them to add on something for the tip and paid. It really wasn’t an issue, they have tills and machines that deal with this perfectly, as do most bars and restaurants.