Equal bill splitting annoyance

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Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

Or realise they’ve been busted and there ripping OP off is out there!

They’ll be embarrassed for sure, but they’ll get over it.

*their

But what is the actual issue if OP had been festering over it since the last meal? If somebody has done you over and taken advantage of you, why are you the one at fault for being upset by it?

Thankfully in my friend groups and my family it’s perfectly normal to pay for what you consume. I prefer it, I’m vegetarian so food is usually cheaper but I’m a drinker and I have a lot of friends who don’t drink so I don’t want to feel like I can’t drink what I want or make them feel the way OP does.

That's true, it's all about how you are supposed to suck it up for fear of looking stingy I think.
I was cross, and if that came across so be it , they should look at themselves and their behaviour in my opinion

I am not going to be embarrassed about not wanting to be out of pocked every time we meet, and again it's never reciprocated, no one else has every picked up the whole bill when they have had a windfall, like I did 2 years ago.

Thread has been very helpful , I realise now as a non drinker it's not unusual to be in this position but I don't have to put up with it

Exactly it works both ways as well, I may go out and fancy lobster, but feel I can’t order if it’s an equal split.

But pay for my own and have what I fancy.

Makes sense for everyone.

For many years I have always paid the bill when a particular friend and I met up. She did something, helped, supported, whatever the right term is decades ago and I felt I owed her. But one time she pushed it too far, another time she didn't seem happy when I suggested we go halves. So now I nearly always suggest splitting as it just got too much. I felt I had more money than her so that was another reason but then I saw how she spends, never offered, seen how she takes in other ways and now I'm left feeling like I don't want to cover her meal anymore, certainly not every time.

Why? Because they haven't subsided you?

I don't drink either. We always ask for the food and the drinks bills to be separate.

I would ask that everyone gets drinks at the bar when they need them, and pay for those themselves. I don't drink, one large Coke or something would last me the meal but people who drink must push it up quite a bit. Only exception would be with my partner, but we usually just take it in turns to pay the full bill

Exactly! I have no problem with paying the odd extra £ for friends if it works both ways. It's the persistently greedy over eaters/drinkers who always expect you to pay £££ for them.

This is the problem with equal bill splitting. There's always someone who will take the piss and eat/drink loads more than everyone else.

The two that are drinking alcohol... How on earth are they spending £100!! They must be sloshed by the end of the evening!

More recently people I go out with have basically started telling me to pay what I’ve eaten and then they split the rest. I don’t drink and they all drink loads.

Years ago o had a falling out with work colleagues when we went for a meal. I was skint and in my overdraft so ordered a £5 pizza and drank water. Because of the group size we got 10% added to the bill. When it came to paying they wanted to split the 10% however for me it should have been 50p and the split came to £5 each. I point blank refused and was called alsorts.

Good for you for telling them I deteste people like this and wouldn’t keep meeting them to be honest. I’m always the drinker in the gang and I always pay more if I’ve been drinking and some others haven’t.

Then why do the expensive drinkers & big eaters assume that their 'friends' deserve to pay for them, just to enjoy their company? (Reminds me of that old episode of 'Friends' - 'The one with five steaks and one eggplant' I think).
How do you know whether or not people can afford it?
So, the 'penny pinching' ones are the ones who subsidise the greedy B's are mean? Not the greedy B's??
Get separate bills, easy these days, make it clear before the meal that everyone pays for their own consumption. Sorted. (and then see how much the 'friends' consume'). I am happy to pay for myself, cocktails n all, would never expect my friends to subsidise me.
Why do the greedy piss takers always complain about the non piss takers??? :) Kindly explain, as I have no comprehension (unless I have invited my friends & said words to the effect 'its on me'. ). XX (or go to Nandos, lol & pay your own effing bill).

Read the thread.

I've explained myself plenty of times.

Well I've read your thread your thread carefully, and totally agree with ImGoneUnderground Why the hell subsidise other peoples greed.

So why then do the expensive drinkers & big eaters assume that their 'friends' that are eating and drinking far less deserve to pay for them, just to enjoy their company.

I've also read the thread and haven't seen anything from @MasterBethto indicate why people who don't pay their fair share aren't also seen as penny pinchers, only the ones who feel it isn't fair to keep subsidising them but are happy to pair their share

I have a friend who tends to order the most expensive main and has around 3 alcoholic drinks per meal where I will just have a coke or water. In the past I subbed her a lot as we would just split the bill equally and I didn't feel like it was polite to call it out. More recently, I've taken the tactic to order more items or a more expensive main than I wanted just so to equalise how much we are each spending. She has got visibly annoyed with me a few times. I avoid going out with her now.

Have a non alcoholic one at the bar and join the others on a boozy one or two at the table. That might make it feel more balanced maybe?

5/6 of us very old friends meet once a week for an early dinner in a midrange restaurant. Two of us don't drink. My share costs between 20/25 euro. Two starters and maybe z coffee or a main course. Those who drink wd usually share a bottle of wine plus another glass. The difference is huge. ..their share wd be 45/50 euro. We always split the bill and pay for what each consumed. No problem whatsoever.We are all pensioners and have been friends since college.

Id start the evening off by saying you should all pay separately for your meals … end of story !!

Drinkers should volunteer to pay more up front when the bill arrives. That’s good manners.

I always take cash with me. When the bill comes, I roughly know what I’ve spent and round it up for a tip. I then put my money on the table and say this covers what I’ve had and tip. If we’ve all been drinking I’d split bill but otherwise it’s not fair