Equal bill splitting annoyance

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Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

When you book the table give them the heads up the bill will be being split 4 ways.

Once ate out with dh , bff and her dh. I was pregnant so no alcohol..I asked for separate bills...her dh started counting out small change for their share. He had no intention of paying any of the bill it seemed !
We ate out once with them. Never again. .

Don't order your drinks at the bar then

I had a group of 5 work mates, some would share wine, others wouldn't. We split alcohol by people drinking, and food by those eating. Could you do the same?

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

You won't be able to put a stop to it without a backlash in my experience. These people have got used to you paying for their drinks and won't be happy to see you grow a backbone.

I'm honestly thinking of asking wait staff for a separate bill as I am usually the ones who needs to leave earliest and frame it as easiest if they want to carry on without me?

Last week I released I paid an extra 30 quid for others drinks , I don't drink so a large soda lasts for a meal

You need to disrupt the pattern.
At the start of the meal before the menu if possible, say something along the lines of I'm going to pay for myself rather than split the bill because I want to feel free to treat myself to whatever I fancy and I'm uncomfortable doing that when I know I'd be passing the cost onto you 3.
They can't argue much because you've said you don't like it, rather than it's not fair.

You either have to raise your order to match theirs, or ask them to pay for drinks separately. I'm all for not letting people get away with making others pay a vastly unequal share, but it doesn't sound like they were deliberately running up a bill. They didn't make you order your single drink at the bar.
Personally, I think the people who go out for a group meal and then order a side salad and a glass of water just as irritating as those who take advantage the other way.

Just split the bill based on what you eat. I was out with friends recently and one of them had an app called Tab which divided the bill by what we each ate and drank really quickly.

Unless you can't afford it, you are being mean and penny pinching.

Think of your evening out as a chance to enjoy your friend's company, not a shopping expedition.

Very much this, went out for a meal, 4 of us, 3 had set menu at £20 and soft drink at £2.50, one ordered à la carte and 3 glasses wine, then brightly asked “will we split the bill?” We were wise to this now as 3rd time they’d done this so all plonked down £25 each.. bill for cf was £60!

Don't be daft. It's not mean and penny pinching to not want to pay for someone else's drinks. These people are taking advantage, whilst she enjoys their company it's daft to think she should be paying £30+ per time for the pleasure of their company.

So you are paying more than twice what you should be ? That’s not penny pinching it’s pounds

This is disingenuous and passive-aggressive when you end up ordering a small salad and a glass of tap water.

Penny pinching? To the tune of £30?

Yes. It's the price of a round of drinks.

Yes a tenner or so fine, but an extra 30 for a 2 hour catch up is alot!

🤣 I wouldn't do that. I love my food too much. On the first occasion I would follow through and treat myself exactly in the way I'd said. It would disrupt the automatic bill splitting pattern and could even open a discussion.

So you think the OP should pay for the drinks of others when she's not drinking...do you get your friends to pay extra to cover your meals and drinks too?

Have you always not had any alcohol or was this a one off?

What's irritating about someone ordering a cheaper option?

What is wrong with you?

Hi, can we get the bill, thank you. I'll pay for my fish and chips and diet coke thanks.

I don't drink so not a new thing

I roughly work out what mine is plus a tip if it’s not included and announce hey I’m putting £30 on my card for my share and leave the others to sort out their share. It’s always worked well.

Then the others are well aware they are taking the piss. I’m afraid it might be a tad awkward to raise but paying for what you had individually or indeed split the food four ways but the alcohol between those who drink seem fair.

I honestly just accept that in time it balances out in my friendship group.
Less in my favour as I’m always the driver (not a big drinker because I get awful hangovers so i tend not to bother) and being on MJ means I have a main and nothing else, no starters or sides or puddings. But always happy to split the bill equally. I can afford to be generous with my friends and I’m not bothered that I’ve massively overspent compared to what I consumed. Every now and then someone will offer to pay for mine but I pay my share. We enjoy each others company and enjoy catching up.
If you’re not happy about it just say you’re paying for yourself as you don’t want to contribute to their alcohol.