Equal bill splitting annoyance

[Adfreefreezer]

Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

No, but I happily stump up a little extra to ensure we all have a good, relaxed time without getting out calculators or apps.

Like I said in my first post, it's only relevant if you can afford it.

Like I said on another post, we're talking about the cost of a round of drinks. I'm not begrudging my friends a round of drinks. It all comes out in the wash over the course of a friendship.

It can feel mean and penny-pinching.

I’m vegetarian and often find my dishes are the cheapest and the others have ordered more expensive items. I see that as the friendship tax and I don’t begrudge it.

But if I’m drinking a couple of wines and others aren’t drinking alcohol I’ll offer to put more in. Although non alcoholic drinks can be pricy too these days. And maybe they didn’t realise yours weren’t on the tab.

As money’s not a problem for any of you, just put it all on the tab next time.

Yet the cheeky fuckers who drink like fishes and expect their friends to subsidise them are not penny pinching? That doesn’t make sense.

But in this case it not just stumping up a bit extra it's effectively those drinking always paying less for what they've ordered and the OP always paying more.

We go out as a six - I honestly never pay any attention to what people have and I'm sure occasionally I drink more or someone has a starter and a pudding, they all drink, cocktails I don't. But there is grumbling - not towards me but towards one person who gets watched and talked about - I find that really unpalatable and refused to get dragged into the bitching. I have suggested to those who complain that we split the bill but then they get all uppity about that too. I am getting quite sick of the whole thing - I don't why we bother meeting.

Don’t be absurd! Why on earth should the OP pay an EXTRA £30 to subsidise their alcohol consumption??

I certainly can’t afford to pay £30, on top of my own meal, to subsidise other people’s! It’s not about being ‘mean’…and ‘penny pinching’ is absolutely ok if you’re on a budget no (or even if you’re not!) there’s no shame in that ffs! 🤦‍♀️

Hmm, no. Read the OP's posts. She talks about one incident.

I literally said "unless you can't afford it"! Read the post!

The OP said they're all working and the money itself is not a problem.

Sorry should have said , this is always the case, it only struck me how much by in £ last week

Even if you can afford it - it’s pure, nasty selfish greed to expect OP to pay for your booze

My friends and I usually split bills and generally not run into trouble with this. I am vegetarian and don't order starters, deserts or sides so probably could have a lighter food bill.

But if somebody says at the beginning;

I'm watching my cash so can we pay for what we order
Or
Can we share the food bill but order drinks from the bar separately

It's never raised an eyebrow. I'd go with the latter in your shoes.

I always say that I'll pay for what I have. Never buy rounds. Never split the bill. When the server comes I just say I had x,y,z. If someone jumps in and says ' shall we just split it? ' I just say no and pay for what I had. I live in a village so have to drive everywhere as no public transport at all. I never drink anything alcoholic if I'm driving. I'm not paying for other people's drinks. I'm over 60 so don't give a toss whether others like it or not. If they don't its probably because they thought id subsidise them

That is the basis I work on, over the years it balances out, although there is some movement- we often say ‘drinkers pay x and non drinkers pay y’

it is necessary to like and trust your friendship group though…..

There’s an odd attitude to drinking that doesn’t exist in the same way with food. I think it’s tied up with British alcohol culture as the drinks are seen by some (typically people who like to have a a few drinks) as an inherent part of the socialising, so this being subsidised by others is a norm in some circles that isn’t questioned in the same way food is.

If someone had three puddings, for example, and expected subsidy, I think it would be questioned more. I have met people whose view is that it’s fine because everyone is free to drink their fill and split the bill equally so, as the opportunity is there even if not taken, it’s basically fair. I enjoy a glass of wine or two, but wouldn’t expect to subsidise those who drink more or be subsidised by those who drink less.

Me and another colleague had this problem when we went on works nights out. We don’t drink alcohol and would be driving ourselves to the venue. We just told the others that we were paying our own bills as we didn’t drink. The other staff would be knocking back lots of alcohol while we had a Coke each. Nobody said anything and we didn’t care anyway. We had been taken advantage of by them too many times.

Yes this - one price pp for food and 1 for drinkers

Say 'I'm paying for what I had this time - here's the £15. '

I don't think the alcohol issue is entirely clear cut. It's quite annoying when 6 of you have split a £24 bottle of wine and someone has two cokes at £3 each and refuses to pay for drinks.

I also think that restaurants make a good proportion of their profits on drinks, which helps keep down the cost of food, so just drinking tap water shifts the costs onto the drinkers as the restaurants work on the assumption that they'll sell a certain amount of drinks.

I have always ordered a separate bill on these occasions rather than get stuck subsidising everyone else. Or I work out my bill plus tip, put the money on the table and then leave so the others in the party can sort things out between them. Clean and surgical.

If you dont drink its.a piece of piss....

For total "cleanness" ....
Forego your £2.95 diet coke which you dont really want anyway order your food when the bill comes say
"happy to split food equally but i didnt drink so lets split food 4 ways and drinks 3 ways."

If your friends are happy to receive the cash, just leave the amount that your food & drink came to, maybe round it up. Otherwise yes you'll have to ask for a separate bill. You could say you're just going to the bar to pay your share, or tell one of the group you'll transfer your share to them. It's not fair you should sub the others. I'd never expect anyone to cover any extras I had

Yeah I agree with this, like and trust in those friendships. I’ve know this particular group of friends for over 20 years, a couple of them have bought endless birthday and Christmas presents for my dc over the years despite not having dc of their own, (I always bought them presents too!) asked after them unprompted just generally been really solid friends. To get miserly over unequal bill splitting is not something I’m getting involved in. It’s not a conscious decision I make when we go out, it just doesn’t occur to me to begrudge paying more because I actually adore them and just being with them fills me with joy and laughter, it’s worth sucking up the financial loss for me.
If you can’t afford it it’s a different matter. Or if you simply have other spending priorities, just be upfront at the beginning I guess.

For a start I’d put everything on the bill - no paying your way at the start.

Id then have no qualms about splitting the bill on what I had ordered - only a CF would take issue with that.

I see they have arrived on this thread though…

I wouldn't call it penny pinching. Maybe the penny pitchers are people who expect others to subsidise them, and they're rude too