AIBU to feel overwhelmed by my husband's constant monologuing?

[earsringing]

Anyone else deal with this? Hubby monologuing. Constantly, all day, every day.

It's a stream-of-consciousness - literally everything he is thinking, re-enacting entire conversations he has had (pretending to do the voice of the other person too), things he must remember tomorrow, various ailments, stupid drivers, how hot/cold he is, huffing, puffing, groaning, humming, whistling. It is incessant, repetitive, there are no gaps, and I realise that I plan my life around trying to get breaks from it.

He is always trying to get me to react too "what do you think of this?" "do you like that?" and I HAVE to agree with whatever it is. A quick "yes" or "ok" from me and he's back to it. It's like he's checking that I am still paying close attention.

Thing, is, I feel completely lost here. Everything is about him, his plans, his headache, his sunburn, his job. There isn't a moment for me. If I do speak, I can get roughly half a sentence out before he tells me "I know that already" or "that reminds me of a time when I .......", or how he's done it better or knows better ... and bam we are back to him again.

I might be peri - I might be over-sensitive? But I am forgetting who "I" am. I feel like I just don't matter anymore, because he is so great and wonderful and interesting and has done everything just far more brilliantly than anyone else. He has lost all sight of me being a person with my own thoughts and opinions (which - shock - might be different from his sometimes!). Arggghhhh. What can I do? I feel like I am going mad.

Or “There We Are Then”
TWAT!
And walk off

This sounds like my hubby. I walk away and he is still rattling on. I just think twice about raising any subject with him. Its a man thing. They think we are always looking for the solution. Get a pair of earbuds!!

If this isn’t new, I don’t understand why you married him?!

on the practical front the only thing you will have to tell him how you feel and that it’s a pattern he has, and then when it happens you can say in the moment “you’re monologuing again” or “I wasn’t finished” (if he interrupts you with his own crap) or “is this very important for me to listen to right now, as I need some quiet time”

My friends husband is like that, drives me mad!

Find a well paid job ...in another city/ country preferably.

He needs to take his frustration there, and when he's ready to be civil he can enter the house.

Sometimes we don't realise how much certain traits will affect us before they become a permanent fixture in our lives - personal experience 😒 - BUT if you haven't an opportunity to SAY it, maybe write him a letter/note/card explaining how it affects you and what your expectations are going forward?

Sometimes the only way - depends how you feel about him deep down

Mine is like that, got fed up of it about 15 years ago so stopped talking to him, don't think he's noticed yet

My husband does this. It generally doesn't bother me, and when it does I just tell him I'm relaxing in this room so he needs to be quiet or go somewhere else which works!

Big noise cancelling headphones. I wear mine whenever my DH is being annoying chatty. And then gesticulate that I can’t hear. Works a treat! 😁

I sympathise. My Dh is somewhat similar.He was an only child and grew up thinking the world revolves around him. If he phones when I’m out I just say “what?” And if it’s when he’s out, I say “you’re only phoning because you’re bored”. He has lots of good attributes luckily and if it gets too much I just ask him to stop talking at me. Or to leave me alone. He doesn’t like it but it saves my sanity!

Yep, this fits my partner - 55, just diagnosed with ADHD - to a tee.

He's got ten times worse since he turned 50. It's impossible to have a conversation with him, I've barely said 5 words and he's interrupting me....assuming he knows what I'm about to say, and like I tell him, he gets it wrong 99% of the time.

I've started yelling 'CAN YOU LET ME FUCKING FINISH' ... the main character syndrome has got worse, too.

We don't live together. Thank fuck. He's not medicated yet, I'm hoping to God he improves when he is, otherwise...

So many women on here who are miserable and will stay miserable rather than yell SHUT UP at the selfish bastard making them that way.

It makes me so sad and angry that so many of us have been conditioned to suffer through life like this, and feel too unsafe or financially vulnerable or exhausted to do anything about it.

Just know it's not normal and it's not OK, and if you've had enough there's support out there to help you get out. Please.

I do everything you’ve described to my DW, she does it to me. I guess that’s the difference as we both have time and space to bore each other with our every thought. I don’t mind it. I can see the issue though that he appears to have no interest in you. Which is rubbish and is it even worth addressing? Who wants to force their DH to be interested in them?

Sounds incredibly tiresome op. My brother is like this. We think he has Asperger's. Sorry I can't help with any more advice :( x

I would have some large printed cards with:
SHUT UP
YOU HAVE INTERRUPTED ME AGAIN

I’M NOT INTERESTED

Seriously though I couldn’t live with this. Send him a letter telling him that his driveling on is making you very unhappy.

There's a huge difference between sharing lots of conversation with each other, and monopolising the conversation to the point that the other person doesn't even have the space to hear themselves think never mind get a word in from time to time

Here is my husband, ordering, say, a pair of socks "ooh I think I will look at m&s... I will type in w w w dot m and s dot com oh their website is a bit slow to load it's just showing the loading thing ah here we are it is showing now what did I want oh yes socks where will that be oh I guess in underwear ok let me click on underwear here we are ok I guess I can filter what size am I oh yes size 11 feet oh yes that's how I filter it on yes and I guess what colour maybe blue or maybe black.... Oh I don't know oh yes I think maybe blue this time what do you think oh yes I think blue ok they have 20 different pairs ... [Insert half an hour of monologue reviewing the merits of each pair here] on right add to basket right now the basket is showing oh yeah now it wants me to log in [says login name and password out loud] right press enter ok now I am in ok what does it want me to add now ooh yes bank card details [reads those out loud. Possibly after small debate with himself out loud about which card to use] ah yes and our address [yes you have guessed it he says the address as he types it ..]... Oh look ok I can order them now right I will press submit now just let me check I did get the confirmation email....."

Ad infinitum

And no. For those asking. He wasn't this bad when we first met or I would have run for the hills.

As a diagnosed adhd-er.... this has my spidey senses tingling. What are your teens like in this respect? Maybe if you get a quiet moment, read up about adhd. You may recognise your dp.

This is not normal he sounds like a nightmare to live with.

Amazed with how you put up this previously - or maybe he’s got worse?

I would have to make the numbers add up somehow - couldn’t live with this.

My DH has ADHD and would do this if I hadn’t drilled into him to ‘shut the fuck up’. He now goes off into the garden with headphones on and his kindle. We get along and have a laugh but I don’t let him dominate my peace.

Tell him straight - ‘ I have had enough of your endless talking. For God’s sake, stop!!! I am only prepared to engage in genuine, two- way conversations and will not put up with any more of this verbal diarrhoea.’

Tell him you do not need to know what time he has left the shop etc.

Mine has a tendency to do the latter occasionally but I just ignore it unless it affects arrangements. I do not do it to him.

Agree with this. People are so quick to say leave.

Keep repeating that you feel talked at, not to and give examples so he gets a taste of it.

As PP have said about being married for many years with similar.

Marriage is about compromise and hopefully one day you'll laugh about how he used to be this way.

If he loves you, he'll eventually listen.

OP tell him straight otherwise nothing will change!

mention the cardboard cutout comment saying yes and ok that you said which is a great point, and that you try to find reasons to leave the room. Say it’s all about him and you’re losing the will to live.

you have to be blunt to make people understand and change for good!

Wow - I was away at the weekend and have come back to so many replies! Thank you all so much. I am amazed at how many other people are the recipients of these endless dreary speeches. My takeaway/realisation is that it takes two - I have enabled it really by sitting there passively listening, yet quietly seething underneath.

He won't cope with "STFU" at all, or anything along those lines. We'd have WW3.

Something reminds me of what they teach you about fire prevention - there's heat, fuel and air. Take one of those things away and the fire doesn't happen.

So.... if I simply remove my ears from the situation, then he cannot monologue. I think this is my best bet by far! Thanks again for all your replies - many of them have really made me chuckle!