“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

These responses are so bizarre to me.

This isn’t about whether you like wearing stockings and suspenders as part of your sex life, it’s about how he asked the OP to bring them, effectively comparing her to a roast dinner he was going to tuck in to! 🤮

I am peri so can take it or leave it.

Indeed, some women either hate sex, or hate anything but very vanilla “lights off” sex, (sometimes for good reason), and think every other women should too!

Exactly - why is that so difficult for posters to understand?
He sounds vile.

It's nothing to do with liking or not liking sex-it's about being compared to a joint of meat.

I'd assume it was light hearted and he's having a laugh... and messaged back as a joke asking what he's bringing. But you know him & if he is being a sleaze bag or just having a laugh.

I was referring to those posters who have chosen to make rants that wearing sexy underwear means you’re demeaning yourself, not to those who have issues with how this guy approached this.

I honestly didn’t make the connection with Sunday roasts. I think like another poster, “with bells on” is a similar phrase just meaning “with all the extras” and isn’t necessarily food/meat related. But I work in textiles where “trimmings” are clothing related so I didn’t make the connection so many others have made and wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t what he meant.

Without meaning any kind of judgement here, do you think you might be using this as an excuse to leave it?

Being peri has nothing to do with it.
Im menopausal and have a very healthy sex drive and love fancy lingerie.
If you dont want to sleep with him dont but dont assume its cos you are peri.
Ye just arent aligned.
Ive never let a man sleep with me. It happens because i want it to. Lingerie or not.

I am really gobsmacked by this thread… yes he said it in a weird way but the responses are wild!! @Penelopefly OP the riot act is a bit over the top. And now you’re going away and you’re not sleeping with him? Feels like a punishment for bad behaviour. What if you’re in the mood? A bit bizarre no? You’re either say this is unacceptable and end it or you have to forgive and move on. He’s not a dog that you have to train. Stating your preferences and boundaries 100 percent. Do you like him or want to have a relationship with him?

Why does disliking stockings & suspenders /finding them unsexy mean you only want 'lights off' sex? What a silly comment.

Anyway, what DO people mean when they say 'vanilla'? Originally it meant 'not into BDSM' but now it seems to be an all-purpose term for 'sex I think is boring'

Most people don't work in textiles though and would more likely associate it with roast dinner. I think this is most likely for OP's bf. Though it's possible not, ofc.

If you look at male forums like Pistonheads though, quite a few men do use this type of 'trimmings' language about women & sex. Unfortunately.

I find this attitude so weird, I have sex with my husband because I'm attracted to him and i want to have sex and when I'm not feeling it I don't. It's not some kind of reward or bargaining chip and vice versa.

I dunno about the trimmings thing, my husband loves stockings, actuallyight get some for our upcoming holiday, I don't think I've actually worn them since having the kids, of he referred to them as trimmings I'd laugh and ask if that's because I'd be 'trissed up like a turkey' which is an old phrase and tell him he's a cringe old perve. But I'd probably get stockings still for fun for both of us

Well I mean, trim or trimmings surely isn’t only associated with Sunday dinner - obviously I am aware of the use of the word but it wasn’t what immediately came to mind. So what if men call underwear and stockings trimmings? People trim their Christmas tree. It’s not meat. This is my point. Trimmings doesn’t = the accompaniments to meat on your Sunday dinner and nothing else.

The expression “all the trimmings” makes me feel a bit sick when it’s applied to a meal. It’s very “fresh, crusty bread” 🤢 I actually prefer the way this bloke used it.

OP, if his thing is stockings and suspenders and you object to that, then maybe this relationship doesn’t have legs. He expressed it clumsily but it’s hardly a niche interest- bit old school, maybe. I find the idea that we all have to be entirely PC and non-objectifying in bed a bit depressing.

Thanks for the best laugh I’ve had all week!

No one describes a Christmas tree as having "all its trimmings"

Well presumably if he said to pack it, it is something you own...and have previously worn? I don't get the issue tbh, it's just a phrase. i think you're reading into it a but too much.

Please pack a turkey suit, OP

Eeeeeeeeewwww.

That is all.

Where has all the fun gone in sex. I’m 67 and obviously from another’s era, but I’m my own women . He fancies you. Unless there are other icks just enjoy your weekend!

Exactly this x

It was probably a joke.