“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

This wouldn’t bother me as I’d have already packed them.
I like wearing nice things for my DH and I actively like wearing stockings and suspenders.
I’ve worn nice lingerie since I was 16.
And my DH has silk boxers that I bought him so he’d pack those.

People just generally seem to have become too serious and every tiny thing is offensive or an ick. Just lighten up a bit. Good god, we’re here for such a short time, why the need to over-analyse and dissect every little passing comment.

Oh it's just a man thing. It's fine - as long as he's happy to dress as a Viking or a Redcoat (or whatever floats your boat).

His comment was vile, but your response in no sex at all is a bit OTT. Guess that’s what led to the comment if you’re not having sex.

exactly

Careful you’ll be called a whore

Ice hockey player. Oh, what. Sorry you weren’t talking to me…

Has he expressed an interest in lingerie previously? There's nothing wrong with him having a preference, it sounded like he was being light hearted about it. Your reaction on this alone is a bit OTT but I assume there is more to it than this and only you know.

Not what I was expecting. 😫

I was expecting to post YABVU and a food snob.

Is nothing safe these days!

Me too. I don’t understand the assumption that stockings and a suspender belt are itchy or uncomfortable in any way. Also, my DH has some “special” boxers - they’re not silk, but I particularly like them and he wears them for me sometimes! I don’t get any of the fuss on this thread at all.

Sure. But we don't know who is actually buying them, or who they’re for.

I wear them for work occasionally. Not a big fan of tights, and hold ups never stay up so yeah, occasionally I wear them if needed. Not just a sex item…

I read the first page only, the outrage is hilarious....bloody hell, I bet the poor man is sorry he agreed to a weekend away now.

My husband has never spoken to me like that, he didn't have to, but if he had, I would have thought it funny and come back with a quip of my own.

I love dressing up, have lots of sexy outfits, stockings toys etc. But if a relatively new boyfriend told me to pack the trimmings, I wouldn’t like it. It’s quite bossy and presumptive, and I’d feel like a piece of meat.

He could have worded it way way better, made it sexy, asked if she felt comfortable with him ordering a few things online and asked what she likes and doesn’t like etc.

“All the trimmings” is standard phrasing for crap pub roasts/festive meals
Its a joke phrase in our house and I suspect many others - beans on toast with all the trimmings
Why is everything cause for offence nowadays

To paraphrase the wonderful late Kirsty MacColl song, with the hot weather almost everywhere at the moment, I'd have replied "Honey, in this heat, I don't think so..." More so if peri is making it difficult to regulate your temperature 😁.

Some do enjoy the traditionally "sexy outfits" and dressing up, but it should be the wearer's choice and terms. If an expectation is stated in advance, it can definitely have the opposite effect.

No, that would sound odd. You trim it, yes, but you wouldn't say 'Here's the Xmas tree and all the trimmings. '

Isn't it weird to use food-related vocabulary re your wife dressing up though? Nobody would be offended if he'd been talking about food!

No
Its a metaphor

Only if you’re a chronic over thinker.

Don't you think it's thoughtless to just tell someone to buy something like suspenders etc (which many women find uncomfortable, old fashioned etc).

Wouldn't it have been better to find out what she finds sexy to wear & things they both like?

Men talking about women as if they're food is deeply unsexy. Would you like to be talked about that way?
You rarely hear women talking about men in that way. (Or comparing them to cars, that's another of the worse comparisons I've come across)

What do you mean 'he didn't have to'?

I think it depends. Maybe he was joking. If he was that's different..

There are definitely issues as we can't know the intended tone.

Plenty of women don't like them though. There are reasons tights were brought in.

It's the assumption that's the issue imo.

It would be very different if he knew she liked stockings herself and would be happy to wear them.