“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

I came on here to talk about roast dinner

I agree with @DimwittedSkater , either the clothes or the way he requested them has turned you off. Both are legitimate. If he can’t handle you communicating why that is a turn off, he's not a keeper and there is really no long term future where your sexual happiness is important.

Personally I would bristle at being ‘reminded’ to pack sexy outfits, but if it had been phrased differently it might have seemed more flattering and less like a takeaway order.

But that’s not what the post is about at all 🤣🤣

Oh my god this thread is absolutely insane 🤣

It's two posts with hardly any context/info about a guy using what I agree is a VERY cringe term for lingerie. Very likely being playful/light hearted and missing the mark big time.

What follows is 10 pages of posts, most of them assuming he is "demanding" the op wear something she would find uncomfortable and prance around solely for his enjoyment and she should dump him immediately because obviously he's an abusive pervert.

And not to mention indicating any woman who might (god forbid) enjoy wearing something a bit different now and again or even regularly try different things to wear, simply must be a prostitute or a whore with no self respect. Because god forbid some couples actually enjoy anything like that.

It's like some people on here are determined to automatically assume the absolute worst because they want to be outraged.

No it wasn’t but unfortunately it was turned into that by you and lots of other posters who have insisted on calling women whores and prostitutes for liking sexy lingerie. Not very feminist I must say

Didn’t read your post but vote ynbu as I hate that when ordering Sunday lunch. Now I’ve read your post I have pictures in my head I did not need this beautiful Friday. 🤮

My thoughts immediately went to roast chestnuts, sprouts, pigs-in-blankets. I feel hungry, now.

I've asked previous BFs/partners about this and they said not to bother as it doesn't stay on long enough to be worth the money anyway. 😂

This message would give me the ick - it's like putting an order in at a restaurant.

Could you feign a transatlantic misunderstanding and show up in socks and braces?

@aliceyyyy2654 ‘saggy bodies’? Charming.

Oh I’m sorry you didn’t like that? Well I didn’t like being called a whore

Hey, I didn’t call you a whore, nor defend it.

For the record, yes I do hate my saggy body. My husband doesn’t seem to mind it though. 😉 (Almost all bodies sag, eventually. No need to shame people for getting older).

Wow, a sensible response without references to whores, prostitutes, sex dolls or strap ons?

Genuinely thought this was going to be a cauliflower cheese with roast dinner thread.

There could theoretically have been an alluring, flattering way to suggest fancy lingerie - if he was, say, the young Antonio Banderas with the charm of Cary Grant. Very few men can pull it off at the best of times but this is so far away from it that it's in the Aunt Bessie's aisle of Iceland.

Thanks to this thread giving me the confidence I am not in the wrong, I’ve read him the riot act and said we will be over if he dares to speak to me like that again. We are going away as planned but he will be not be getting to sleep with me.

A lot of men like pretty underwear, FWIW so do I !
And it's a lot cooler than tights in this weather.
It's not as if he's asking for S&M gear.

And what does he wear?

You won't let him sleep with you? Were you not looking forward to the sex on a weekend away?

I think reading him the riot act is OTT.

Explaining that he made you feel ick would have been sufficient. If he didn't respect this then you would have an issue. He did it clumsily, but I don't think liking 'sexy lingerie' makes him some sort of pervert. It's also equally fine that it's not your think, that doesn't make you a prude. I don't get all the drama.

Is it generally a good relationship?

What did he say?
Why are you still going away if his request made you feel like you don’t want to sleep with him? Surely the relationship is over.
Out of interest, do you own suspenders?
Did you plan on taking any nice underwear or just your usual M&S bikini 5 pack?

Good for you. There's no trophies available for the cool girls or the ones that let men dictate to them or treat them like meat. At least he knows he can't get away with it now.

Nope, try again.

The post is not about women who CHOOSE to wear sexy lingerie being like sex workers for gods sake. Women can wear what they like!

It IS about a stupid comment from the boyfriend telling her “not to forget all the trimmings” which is extremely cringe and is treating her like a commodity rather than trusting her to know what to bring for her own enjoyment. He’s assuming a) she owns suspenders b) enjoys wearing them - or he doesn’t care as long as his needs are met. He’s taken the fun right out of the experience for her. Maybe she would have packed something nice to wear but the assumption and old-fashioned request here is gross.

It’s not very feminist of you to agree with the this type of treatment of her, is it now?

The post is not about the woman’s wants though is it? It’s about what was assumed/expected - like he’s ordering food or something.

You’re all massively projecting 🤣

Well she described him as her boyfriend. Not a guy she’s only just started dating. So it didn’t seem that weird of him to me either.

Surely a simple 'I don't like what you said' and 'I'll wear what I feel right in thank you very much' would suffice. And you can decide if you want to be with someone who likes women in lingerie.

I don't think you are compatible though.