AIBU Secret spare keys

[ShesGotAway]

So partner and I have recently bought a house in a town nearby to my parents.

Prior to buying to house my DM didn't know the seller but in the process of buying got really really chummy with them and helped them move and clear the house.

We think in this time my DM managed to obtain a spare key. There was only one set of keys declared and that's all we received from the seller. But there was a niggling feeling in my gut about it. My DM hasn't done this before specifically but she has form for other, similar behaviour. Not something I could outwardly ask her about either.

At a recent family gathering someone else brought up the topic of ring cameras and how they have one at home for the dog when they leave her for a short while. I brought up that we'd just purchased a ring doorbell for ours.

Cue a very angry 'well why on earth would you want one of those!' from my DM.

I explained to the group that we'd only received one set of keys when we'd bought the house and I felt like another set of keys could have been left with someone else by mistake (the seller had lived here for an awfully long time). I explained I felt uncomfortable with this as did my partner so we'd bought the doorbell just incase. (We do also receive a very high volume of packages as I use a room in the house as storage for my business).

I don't think I've ever seen my DM in such a silent rage before. And I have quite frankly taken this as proof that she's done exactly what we thought and managed to get a set of keys for our house!

AIBU- she hasn't got a spare

YANBU- she's definitely got a spare key

Literally.

That sounds so simple but it can't be this.

Neither mine nor DPs parents have had keys previously and keys weren't handed to the in-laws till after my mum would have had an opportunity to take them.

I'm in my sixties. I bought my first flat when I was 22 (the good old days). Within an hour of moving in my dad came round and showed me how to switch the cylinder in the lock. I'm not handy all but it really is very simple. I've done this at every property I've bought in the intervening 45 years and have taught my adult children to do the same.

It's ridiculous not to do this. You have no idea who the previous owners have shared keys with. Even with a new build the builders/contractors/estate agents could have kept copies.

She would be hurt, upset, nay, deeply wounded that you would even consider such a possibility, I guess? Your childhood best friend would never accuse her of something so terrible. I’m guessing she would deny it to her dying breath, even if you got the seller to admit to giving her a set.

I’m so glad you have nice, normal in-laws. It’s like a breath of fresh air, if a tad disconcerting when you brace but the expected batshittery is not forthcoming 😂

Why don't you call her out though, OP? And did you ask why on earth she befriended the sellers? It's all very weird

Changing the locks is a good idea until the day you lock yourself out and you desperately need your mother to come and let you in with her spare key. The doorbell camera is a much better idea, and you’ve already seen your Mum’s reaction to it. How’s she going to get round that one?

lol at some of the stories on here. We routinely change the locks when we move into a new property so we know who has keys.

My late FIL was a builder who did a lot of work for us at family rates so,he always had a key...until 2 incidents occurred. The first time he let himself in while we were away and changed every door handle in the house for a job lot he'd bought at auction. They weren't awful but I was put out that he was making aesthetic choices about our home as if it was one of his own fixer uppers. He was a lovely man but that really annoyed me.

The second incident was actually really funny. I was drying off after a shower and started to walk downstairs naked. All of a sudden, the front door burst open and FIL came charging in. I managed to back up the stairs quickly enough that he didn't see me. He ran into our kitchen, there was a short pause, then an almighty belch and then he ran out again as fast as he'd come in. DG went for a drink with him that night and FIL told him he had to rush into ours to have a slug of a fizzy drink to get rid of a terrible attack of indigestion.

There was no harm done but after that I changed the locks and FIL had to knock!

It was out the kindness of her heart, obviously! She's just the most warm hearted person who will do anything to help anyone and everyone must know about how she helped them move and took them for coffee and 'cleaned' for them after they left.

Change the locks

In-laws already have a spare key albeit they do live further away. I'm going to get a couple more sets cut and leave one with the neighbours we already knew before moving here who work from home.

We'd planned for this!

My mother having a key is not particularly of that plan because she cannot be trusted with one

Id also rather not have the favour of her bringing me a spare key hanging over my head.

As the next time I have a differing opinion it will inevitably be used against me

When we bought this house, the place was a demolition site, either my DF or DB (both did a lot of work for me) probably thought they were helping my “fixing” the toilet seat while working on the place, 10 years later and we still can’t prise the fucking thing off, I think they used some industrial grade glue to stick it in place, very much something they would do. Short of ripping the toilet out completely we are literally stuck with the thing.

What an utter cow I would be if I dared accuse her of such a thing. How cruel could a daughter possibly be? To consider that of her own mother!

😄😄 me too! Bonkers behaviour. The woman has no boundaries... but OP why on earth did you move so close to her??? This is going to be a whole world of pain for you.

Change the locks but don't say anything , see if her behaviour changes .....

You're being ridiculous. Why didn't you just ask her. And noone has just one set of keys to a house so of course you change the locks!

Change the locks. Problem solved.

Ring cameras are fine but if you are worried about anyone else having a key the only way to stop them coming in is changing the lock.

i thought this too

Erm. Are you me OP? My DM likes to involve herself in everything. DB moved recently and she turned up to ‘help’. Made out to the removals team that she was invaluable when in fact she’d been the very opposite.

She is also best friends with someone I went to school with. I haven’t seen her for 20+ years but DM still likes to tell her every minute detail about my life, no matter how personal, so she gets told nothing now.

She has had keys on the past, but she very obviously nosed through everything in my bathroom cabinet when looking after DCs once so no more keys, which she brings up often and is furious about! She doesn’t have keys to DBs house anymore either, so I took great delight in telling her I’d put milk in the fridge when he came back from holiday last week 😂

DM is also a copier. She’ll clock something new that DSis or I have, then go out and buy the exact same thing and pretend she didn’t know we had it. I don’t want to dress like my 70 year old mother! She even copied my car.

I feel your pain OP, and can I have the number of your therapist please?

You should change locks when you buy a house! Problem solved

also cancel the cheque

We have never done this. Ever.

Everyone knows that the first thing you do when you move is change the locks - who knows how many people might have a key.

Yes how cruel, she would never dare to enter your house with out you there.
Followed by innocently dropping into conversation how you really should be keeping the cheese on the second shelf in the fridge not the first and the jar cupboard works much better with the labels all pointing out.

It took me until the age of 37 to realise why I have an irrational hatred for made beds.... Then we had my mum to stay the night when I was due my second. The next day my partner commented that my mum had made our bed and it clicked..... A made bed meant my mum had been in my room and the world made sense again