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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Secret spare keys

424 replies

ShesGotAway · 30/06/2026 20:43

So partner and I have recently bought a house in a town nearby to my parents.

Prior to buying to house my DM didn't know the seller but in the process of buying got really really chummy with them and helped them move and clear the house.

We think in this time my DM managed to obtain a spare key. There was only one set of keys declared and that's all we received from the seller. But there was a niggling feeling in my gut about it. My DM hasn't done this before specifically but she has form for other, similar behaviour. Not something I could outwardly ask her about either.

At a recent family gathering someone else brought up the topic of ring cameras and how they have one at home for the dog when they leave her for a short while. I brought up that we'd just purchased a ring doorbell for ours.

Cue a very angry 'well why on earth would you want one of those!' from my DM.

I explained to the group that we'd only received one set of keys when we'd bought the house and I felt like another set of keys could have been left with someone else by mistake (the seller had lived here for an awfully long time). I explained I felt uncomfortable with this as did my partner so we'd bought the doorbell just incase. (We do also receive a very high volume of packages as I use a room in the house as storage for my business).

I don't think I've ever seen my DM in such a silent rage before. And I have quite frankly taken this as proof that she's done exactly what we thought and managed to get a set of keys for our house!

AIBU- she hasn't got a spare

YANBU- she's definitely got a spare key

OP posts:
sundaysurfing · 02/07/2026 22:53

I remember Once when I was a teenager, A friend moved out of her flat and I basically had nowhere to stay and I had Keys to her place still so I let myself in - And there was someone sleeping in the bed and living there! I literally ran out of the house so quickly. Always change the locks because you literally don’t know who has a set of Keys!

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 02/07/2026 23:57

Well I’ve got to the age of fifty before discovering that everyone apparently changes the locks on a new house. I’ve never heard of this before in my life.

Also is change the locks the new cancel the cheque?

CoffreFort · 03/07/2026 00:19

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 02/07/2026 23:57

Well I’ve got to the age of fifty before discovering that everyone apparently changes the locks on a new house. I’ve never heard of this before in my life.

Also is change the locks the new cancel the cheque?

That makes no sense to me, though. It’s just common sense to recognise that it’s highly unlikely that the one or two sets of keys the vendors handed you represent all the keys for that house in existence, and that, just as you wouldn’t be happy distributing keys with your address attached to strangers, you make sure that people you don’t know can’t enter your house, even if it’s not an insurance stipulation.

I mean, no one needs to be told this.

dh280125 · 03/07/2026 12:46

I've never bought a place without new locks going on!

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/07/2026 16:41

DearDenimEagle · 02/07/2026 01:48

I’ve never changed locks on any of the 4 properties I’ve bought over the years, be quite good if a neighbour had a key , I’ve been known to lock myself out. 🤣 Nowadays, I don’t lock the door unless I’m going away for a week. Saves carrying keys

Show quote history

Good luck claiming on insurance if you are burgled when the door is unlocked, because they wont pay out.

RandomMess · 03/07/2026 17:10

Just 😱😱😱😱😱😱 I really hope you get some footage of her trying to get in! I would allude that you have had to delay setting up the ring camera 🤣

crochetandshit · 03/07/2026 18:38

I feel a bit guilty about how much I'm enjoying your updates OP 😬

janj52301 · 04/07/2026 12:32

At the ripe old age of 73 I've bought and rented dozens of houses. The first thing I've always done is changed front and back door locks. Also side gates and garages if applicable

Pepperpot3862 · 04/07/2026 19:51

Just change the locks

Csb1611 · 04/07/2026 20:02

DEFFO change the locks!

godmum56 · 04/07/2026 20:06

oh here's something no one has ever thought of.....why don't you just change the locks?

grumpygrape · 04/07/2026 20:09

godmum56 · 04/07/2026 20:06

oh here's something no one has ever thought of.....why don't you just change the locks?

Edited

Cancel the cheque as well. 😉

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/07/2026 20:17

godmum56 · 04/07/2026 20:06

oh here's something no one has ever thought of.....why don't you just change the locks?

Edited

Can't believe no one has suggested it to be honest....

godmum56 · 04/07/2026 20:19

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/07/2026 20:17

Can't believe no one has suggested it to be honest....

Show quote history

I know.......

PeoplesNet · 04/07/2026 22:32

ShesGotAway · 30/06/2026 20:43

So partner and I have recently bought a house in a town nearby to my parents.

Prior to buying to house my DM didn't know the seller but in the process of buying got really really chummy with them and helped them move and clear the house.

We think in this time my DM managed to obtain a spare key. There was only one set of keys declared and that's all we received from the seller. But there was a niggling feeling in my gut about it. My DM hasn't done this before specifically but she has form for other, similar behaviour. Not something I could outwardly ask her about either.

At a recent family gathering someone else brought up the topic of ring cameras and how they have one at home for the dog when they leave her for a short while. I brought up that we'd just purchased a ring doorbell for ours.

Cue a very angry 'well why on earth would you want one of those!' from my DM.

I explained to the group that we'd only received one set of keys when we'd bought the house and I felt like another set of keys could have been left with someone else by mistake (the seller had lived here for an awfully long time). I explained I felt uncomfortable with this as did my partner so we'd bought the doorbell just incase. (We do also receive a very high volume of packages as I use a room in the house as storage for my business).

I don't think I've ever seen my DM in such a silent rage before. And I have quite frankly taken this as proof that she's done exactly what we thought and managed to get a set of keys for our house!

AIBU- she hasn't got a spare

YANBU- she's definitely got a spare key

"Not something I could outwardly ask her about either."

And there it is. Why can't you ask her directly? Because you're British? My god.

All this paranoia (she definitely has a spare key btw) - why haven't you assumed she installed mics and cameras before you moved in? This post feels fake. Why wouldn't you have just changed the locks if you're willing to get a camera?

I'd be paying for a full sweep for bugs. And add a small sign to your door advising locksmiths not to make a key / copy (can get keys with this on) in case she decides to have a key made.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/07/2026 22:45

PeoplesNet · 04/07/2026 22:32

"Not something I could outwardly ask her about either."

And there it is. Why can't you ask her directly? Because you're British? My god.

All this paranoia (she definitely has a spare key btw) - why haven't you assumed she installed mics and cameras before you moved in? This post feels fake. Why wouldn't you have just changed the locks if you're willing to get a camera?

I'd be paying for a full sweep for bugs. And add a small sign to your door advising locksmiths not to make a key / copy (can get keys with this on) in case she decides to have a key made.

Show quote history

Nothing to do with being British (nice bit of racism there) but because she has been brought up by an abusive mother.

ETA

Then you say

I'd be paying for a full sweep for bugs. And add a small sign to your door advising locksmiths not to make a key / copy (can get keys with this on) in case she decides to have a key made. and you say that SHE is paranoid?!

B33cka8 · 04/07/2026 23:24

ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/06/2026 20:45

You sound pretty paranoid, maybe she just thought you were being weird.

It's not weird to have a ring doorbell?
Her mum deffo has a key

BrickBiscuit · 05/07/2026 06:59

PeoplesNet · 04/07/2026 22:32

"Not something I could outwardly ask her about either."

And there it is. Why can't you ask her directly? Because you're British? My god.

All this paranoia (she definitely has a spare key btw) - why haven't you assumed she installed mics and cameras before you moved in? This post feels fake. Why wouldn't you have just changed the locks if you're willing to get a camera?

I'd be paying for a full sweep for bugs. And add a small sign to your door advising locksmiths not to make a key / copy (can get keys with this on) in case she decides to have a key made.

Show quote history

You can get 'restricted keys' which are registered with the manufacturer. They cannot be copied without proof of ownership. Lock cylinders must of course be from the same manufacturer. The cost is greater, and buys the benefit of greater security. Another route is keyless systems such as biometrics, proximity fob etc.

PeoplesNet · 05/07/2026 13:34

BrickBiscuit · 05/07/2026 06:59

You can get 'restricted keys' which are registered with the manufacturer. They cannot be copied without proof of ownership. Lock cylinders must of course be from the same manufacturer. The cost is greater, and buys the benefit of greater security. Another route is keyless systems such as biometrics, proximity fob etc.

Show quote history

Yeah, thanks had recalled this from past council housing which had shared entrance keys saying "do not copy" or similar: good to know the official name. Will look into it myself. Definitely wouldn't be getting biometrics involved. We need to move away from tech - look at facial recognition bullshit. Literally, taking your 'fingerprint' without consent or cause. And most people don't seem to care or understand the future impact.

Biometrics is giving your info to a middle man who will just pass it on anyway.

BethanM · 05/07/2026 17:31

I agree about changing the locks. No matter who might have a spare set of keys, you wouldn't want them used, and by doing so you can stop worrying about that.

Maybe bring up, while mum is around, other benefits of having the ring doorbell. You can see who's at the door from anywhere, including when you're not at home, and speak to them, for instance. I got one because our doorbell is downstairs, and often by the time we'd get there, the person has gone.

Original poster
ShesGotAway · 06/07/2026 11:52

PeoplesNet · 04/07/2026 22:32

"Not something I could outwardly ask her about either."

And there it is. Why can't you ask her directly? Because you're British? My god.

All this paranoia (she definitely has a spare key btw) - why haven't you assumed she installed mics and cameras before you moved in? This post feels fake. Why wouldn't you have just changed the locks if you're willing to get a camera?

I'd be paying for a full sweep for bugs. And add a small sign to your door advising locksmiths not to make a key / copy (can get keys with this on) in case she decides to have a key made.

Show quote history

No- I can't ask her directly because she's an absolute twat and it's not worth the headache it would inflict on the rest of the family.

OP posts:
Feetballislife · 06/07/2026 11:57

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 02/07/2026 23:57

Well I’ve got to the age of fifty before discovering that everyone apparently changes the locks on a new house. I’ve never heard of this before in my life.

Also is change the locks the new cancel the cheque?

Moved many times. Never changed the locks. So far nothing untoward has happened because of this! Been in current hse 15 yrs. still not had a random wander in…

Badbadbunny · 06/07/2026 13:19

Feetballislife · 06/07/2026 11:57

Moved many times. Never changed the locks. So far nothing untoward has happened because of this! Been in current hse 15 yrs. still not had a random wander in…

Show quote history

Just be aware that your home/contents insurance won't pay out if you get anything stolen and there's no sign of forced entry.

grumpygrape · 06/07/2026 13:32

ShesGotAway · 06/07/2026 11:52

No- I can't ask her directly because she's an absolute twat and it's not worth the headache it would inflict on the rest of the family.

Show quote history

Well, thanks for the update but what are you going to DO?

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