AIBU Secret spare keys

[ShesGotAway]

So partner and I have recently bought a house in a town nearby to my parents.

Prior to buying to house my DM didn't know the seller but in the process of buying got really really chummy with them and helped them move and clear the house.

We think in this time my DM managed to obtain a spare key. There was only one set of keys declared and that's all we received from the seller. But there was a niggling feeling in my gut about it. My DM hasn't done this before specifically but she has form for other, similar behaviour. Not something I could outwardly ask her about either.

At a recent family gathering someone else brought up the topic of ring cameras and how they have one at home for the dog when they leave her for a short while. I brought up that we'd just purchased a ring doorbell for ours.

Cue a very angry 'well why on earth would you want one of those!' from my DM.

I explained to the group that we'd only received one set of keys when we'd bought the house and I felt like another set of keys could have been left with someone else by mistake (the seller had lived here for an awfully long time). I explained I felt uncomfortable with this as did my partner so we'd bought the doorbell just incase. (We do also receive a very high volume of packages as I use a room in the house as storage for my business).

I don't think I've ever seen my DM in such a silent rage before. And I have quite frankly taken this as proof that she's done exactly what we thought and managed to get a set of keys for our house!

AIBU- she hasn't got a spare

YANBU- she's definitely got a spare key

You sound spectacularly well balanced and I’m glad to hear you have a lovely husband and MIL to balance out the crazy.

This should be one for the classics.

How can she ask/challenge if she doesn't admit she has a key? She "shouldn't" know the lock has been changed in the first place.

They were, but it was over 30 years ago now so I wouldn't worry excessively. WIth youtube and tiktok showing anyone with a passing interest how to pick locks, break into keysafes and otherwise access your home there are plenty of other secuity issues to ponder...

THough relying on changing the standard, easily changeable £20/£30 yale or euro locks as a security measure does (to paraphrase the poster I quoted) show how poor people are at actually assessing risk. There's a lot more to proper security than that, and the problem with doing the quick, easy thing is that there's a tendency to think that's enough...

Yes, but this thread is about a parent who isn't even admitting to having a key, so it's a bit of a leap to start talking about criminality.

What. The. Fuck.

jesus. that's off the scale that..

Would you be able to secretly take a look at your mum's bunch of keys to see if she has it on there? If she has, perhaps you could secretly replace it with some random old key. (I'm sure if you don't have one, a friend might). Then you would be able to see her reaction on your ring doorbell when it doesn't fit the lock.

So you didn't change the locks when you moved but bought a ring doorbell instead?!

I bought a flat which had been rented out and obviously changed the locks, i think people had been evicted or chucked out as they kept turning up sayinv oh i left this and that and i know they were trying to get in with a key when i wasnt in..
Everyone changes the locks , just so weird you think your mother wants to get in your house, surely you would give her a spare key anyway

I thought everyone changed the locks when they moved into a new property? You never know who has been given a key.

Yes please! 😯

My experience with locksmiths is they generally fit mediocre locks from a well known brand in order to imply quality.

Most people on a DIY will either fit the cheapest they can find or will actually research the issue and go for something expensive having seen how easy the cheap ones are to break.

A locksmith will fit an expensive one, but generally you have to instruct them. They should all ask the question but most don't.

Cheap eurocylinder locks are a waste of time unless you don't care about people breaking in your house (some people don't bother ever locking their doors).

Scroll through my previous replies, there's more detail there 🙃

My dad rather good at drilling out locks years ago when his neighbours were going a difficult divorce.
Wife had the locks changed, 2 days later husband came round couldn't open the door, got my dad to drill the lock out, changed the lock. The next day the wife did the same. I think they went through about 5 locks in a fortnight but deciding that it was a silly and fruitless game....

We have had to drill one lock out when we were given a second hand door without any keys. It was surprisingly easy.

My family are quite lax with security which has made me more security conscious. It is tempting to go around when they are out to rearrange furniture or similar to prove a point. They have been known to go out for the day not even shut the door nevermind locking it!

My mum is absolutely batty and has zero concept of boundaries. She often lets herself into my siblings home for no good reason (she does have a key for my sister's for childcare purposes).

My sister has CCTV downstairs (she had rats and is terrified of them coming back) and has multiple instances of my mum coming and going when it hasn't been prearranged.

Hence why there's absolutely no chance she's getting a spare key for my house!

Yeah, I think if I was the brother I’d be moving far far away………………

Good idea. But not bothered. We have lived here for a long time now and I like having my giant key 🤣

OP if the previous owner has given keys to anyone else and not retrieved them before selling, and you can prove it, you can actually take legal action against them for any consequences arising from that. But assuming there’s no chance of you contacting them and actually getting them to confirm they gave your mum a copy, it’d be difficult to prove. I do agree by the way - I think her behaviour when you announced the ring doorbell and the subsequent sulk when you mentioned you think someone else has a key are pretty much the answer you’re looking for. She knows you’re onto her.

You sound as though you need peace of mind so I really would change the locks on every access point to your house. I would tell her outright that that’s what you’ve done and watch her reaction.

one of the first things you do with a new home is change the locks - anyone could have a spare/ have made a copy!!

I’d certainly change locks. I still have a complete set of keys for a friends house. Friend has since died and house sold but I have a copy of all the keys 😉

I’d definitely change the locks, I’ve done it before as you don’t know how many keys are in circulation. I moved out of my first flat and about five years later I found a spare set of keys that I’d forgotten to hand over. It gives you a good excuse to ensure your mum doesn’t have keys.

in a sort of reverse, my mum remarried a few years after dad died, second husband was a horrible little man. He knew I had keys as it was my childhood home so why wouldn’t I so the first thing he did was change the locks to stop me letting myself in and stealing stuff.

People are weird.

You have no idea who, over the years, has had keys to that house. Change the locks. It's usually not difficult to do it yourself. Oh , and dont tell DM.

First thing you should do when moving to a new property is to change the locks!

Yes! @ShesGotAway why on earth didn’t you change your locks day one?!

All too familiar behaviour in my experience. Luckily, I live 100s of miles away so she can’t ’drop in’. Of course she has a key. Change the locks, under no circumstances tell her, install a camera and wait. You’ll have your proof and you don’t need to confront her. The fact you suspect demonstrates she has form for invading your privacy. Be firm, and let her know this is how it is going to be from now on.
Never lend her a key, even briefly, not lend one to anyone she knows. If disaster occurs, and she manages to get a copy, change the locks again.