AIBU Secret spare keys

[ShesGotAway]

So partner and I have recently bought a house in a town nearby to my parents.

Prior to buying to house my DM didn't know the seller but in the process of buying got really really chummy with them and helped them move and clear the house.

We think in this time my DM managed to obtain a spare key. There was only one set of keys declared and that's all we received from the seller. But there was a niggling feeling in my gut about it. My DM hasn't done this before specifically but she has form for other, similar behaviour. Not something I could outwardly ask her about either.

At a recent family gathering someone else brought up the topic of ring cameras and how they have one at home for the dog when they leave her for a short while. I brought up that we'd just purchased a ring doorbell for ours.

Cue a very angry 'well why on earth would you want one of those!' from my DM.

I explained to the group that we'd only received one set of keys when we'd bought the house and I felt like another set of keys could have been left with someone else by mistake (the seller had lived here for an awfully long time). I explained I felt uncomfortable with this as did my partner so we'd bought the doorbell just incase. (We do also receive a very high volume of packages as I use a room in the house as storage for my business).

I don't think I've ever seen my DM in such a silent rage before. And I have quite frankly taken this as proof that she's done exactly what we thought and managed to get a set of keys for our house!

AIBU- she hasn't got a spare

YANBU- she's definitely got a spare key

Have you caught her on camera?

😂😂😂MN has truly been entertaining this week.
What did you say to her?

Christ! My daughter is 17, and I cannot even think of anything that could inspire me to such madness 😳. So often the issues are far beyond the original post.
I'm sending you strength, because you'll need some very firm boundaries now you live so close to her.

I’ve told this on here before but my late Fil had form for this. It was handy when we needed the dog walking, he would collect him on his way up to the farm but he would also let himself in at other times. He once let himself and a mate in for a cup of tea whilst we were out. It was the school holidays and the place was a bomb site. God knows what the mate thought. One evening we were about to go to bed and he let himself in expecting a cup of tea.

I once heard him discussing his sons’ houses with a friend, explaining that when you had kids, their property was your property. Er, no, it’s really not.

To be fair I think it's much more common for kids to disrespect their parents property than the other way round.

I doubt that many kids have walked into their houses and found a gang of their parents and their mates sitting round the table having stripped the fridge of everything edible.

The other way round is a different matter.

Just change the locks and move on.

This is standard practice

I second what others have said about changing the locks. Get Ultion locks. Euro cylinder locks are crap. My house was burglarised in April and they just melted the door, popped off the lock and were in within seconds.

Im highly amused at how you handled your mother. What an odd response from her.

I wouldn't have told her about the ring doorbell... I'd have waited to catch her in the act.

First thing we did was change all the locks for peace of mind. That’s the normal thing to do as you have no idea who still has a key - the previous owner/their cleaner/dog walker/their parents or in laws….

Obviously it’s standard practice for those who do it, but it’s not standard practice for the many who do not do it routinely, and moreover, don’t know any others who do (the majority, going by the number of reactions on one of my posts!) People are falling into the MN trap of not being able to comprehend that other people might do things differently to them.

Now, if I can accept that there are evidently many people who routinely change their locks whenever they move into a new property, why is it so hard to accept that there are also lots of people to whom this is a totally alien concept?

This! ⬆️ And ask her!! She’s your mother!! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Girl just link me to the 32 part tiktok deep dive! 🤣♥️

I would just suggest get Eufy not a Ring as no subscription charges. Also they also have solar powered spot cameras you can link and put elsewhere…eg side of house/driveway, basically more discreet and less likely your mother will spot than a doorbell cam.

I don't think I can explain the utter shit storm that would ensue if I even dared ask her if she had a set (knowing I haven't given her one).

If she wanted me to know, I'd know. She also knows I would never give her a set so wouldn't be able to phrase it as taking a job off of my plate by getting the keys herself!

Could you ask the seller?

You say she has form for this? 😨
Is she jealous of the fact that your In laws have a key and is trying to feel included/in control?
She sounds bat shit 😆
@ShesGotAway

I would have asked her at the time why she was angry that YOU had got a Ring doorbell in your own house!?

I'm guessing that she's jealous that they have keys and that's why she took them.

YANBU OP, I know exactly the kind of person your DM probably is - met them! But I agree with others that’s it perfectly acceptable and standard practice to change the locks on a new home.

What does she do when she goes to your sister's without an invite and no one is in?

House was fully locked up. The thieves opened the door via a set of keys (it was in the same week my friends had moved in).
So, if the locks had been changed, then the break in would likely have been avoided. Guessing whoever the wrong un was, who handed over the set of keys, probably made himself a nice little ‘commission’ every time his dodgy mates had a successful haul. The evidence pointed to someone with access, hence why thinking it’s someone at the estate agents.

While it causes less of a disturbance than smashing a window, Lock picking (…unless it’s a Hollywood movie, where any lock can be picked via hair clip in 2 seconds flat😜) still requires a fair bit of time, and loitering about. Also tends to leave telltale scratches all over the locks.

oh go on! Why would you not kick off the shit storm?

As others have said it’s standard practice when you live house to change at least one lock (if you shave several on a front door for example) just in case keys have been distributed previously

Always change the locks when you buy a property - you have no idea who has had keys, let alone your mother!