Not to stop my son coming over when grandson is in bed.

[wildorangetruck]

I have got my daughter and her little boy who is only one back living at home due a change in circumstances.

My son doesn’t live here anymore but he comes and goes as he pleases as he’s still a young 25 and I know I’m very lucky he pops in.

My daughter struggles to get her son to sleep and can be up there ages setting him and so when her brother comes around it usually wakes him up and she gets frustrated. However my son doesn’t seem phased by this as he doesn’t feel it’s his responsibility to be quiet and not wake him up, he doesn’t come until after 8 and little one goes up at 7.
My daughter suggested he doesn’t come around in the evenings after work and only comes at the weekend before she puts him down but he has always pops in after work, not for long but he does wake the baby when he comes.
I don’t know what to say about it, I want my son to feel welcome anytime, he’s autistic and doesn’t mean to be loud but has a loud laugh and voice so it’s not just a case of asking him to tone it down as that’s just how he is and I am very accepting of this and would never want him to feel he couldn’t be himself in the home but I also understand how frustrating it is for our daughter when he walks in cheerily and his voice wakes him up again.

He doesn’t come in every night just once or twice a week and I love to see him. I don’t want to put restrictions on him because he’s likely to feel unwelcome or an inconvenience and that’s not the case as I’ve always said either can come anytime.

AIBU to think it’s just something she will have to deal with while she’s here or am I not being fair?

Your DD is being completely unreasonable. It’s your home, she’s a guest for now

Oh good, you're going to stop with the ableism now then? Very grateful,

That has helped :)

So pleased you've decided to stop being ableist on this thread and taking your nasty goading somewhere else. Thank you.

Probably best to stop posting, you’ve already had a lot of posts deleted

Maybe you are wrong sometimes

The thing is her ds is a guest too. It's her house - and unless she going to play favourites she needs to find away for her guests to comproise.

I completely agree with this. Having low expectations of yourself and allowing others to set low expectations of your abilities is very life limiting.
In some ways I regret getting ds diagnosed because since he got together with other autistic people at Uni and they explained how autistic people are and what they should not be asked to do because they couldn't help being themselves, he has used it as an excuse to not do things he's sacred of - perfectly normal things to be scared of and it's taken a lot to work past the "But I've got autism I'll never be able to do that" - "Everyone knows autistic people can't do that" and then working to "OMG that wasn't so bad"...to "Actually it might even have been a bit enjoyable"... through to...."I can do this and I'm actually good at it!"

Exactly this.

I can understand all sides.

The key thing is to prevent the sound/volume your DS naturally makes from reaching the baby.

• Possibly use of noise blocking/sound absorbing panels,
• playing white noise/music in the background and getting the baby accustomed to it, etc.

There'll be other options that might work such as noise cancelling ear buds, earphones, etc, although if rather get the baby used to routine household sounds such as that made by my ND son.