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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

487 replies

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 12:42

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

OP posts:
Cat1202 · 15/07/2026 21:36

He sounds very abusive

Bestfootforward11 · 15/07/2026 21:39

His unreasonableness is without question. The only thing you need to focus is working out step by step how you will leave safely. You mentioned earlier you were going to speak to a solicitor. Women’s Aid might be helpful. Is there a good friend/family member you can speak to? Don’t try to work him out, the why, or turn it inwards on yourself. The panic attack is yourbody telling you this situation is really not ok. I hope you are able to find a way out, you deserve better.

Agapornis · 15/07/2026 22:11

You won't have panic attacks when you're away from him. Get away and enjoy the peace.

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 16/07/2026 06:24

@Timeforachange2026

Literally like your username says, yes it is. Where are you there on that front? Are the ducks getting lined up? It’ll be hard, but so is living like to is. Just a different hard, but one that gets you a better outcome in the long run.

If he moans anyway, save your time and energy and let him moan for not prepping the veg for instance. He doesn’t deserve your labour, he’s not appreciative.

Pedallleur · 16/07/2026 06:49

And what does the OPs list say?

  1. You are a CF
  2. There's the door.
TheBlueRobin · 16/07/2026 06:52

Please leave this man. You will only regret not doing it sooner.

ladylioness · 16/07/2026 09:13

This is psychological abuse. Tell him if he doesn’t like it either do it himself or get out as you’ll be better off without him.

goody2shooz · 16/07/2026 19:23

Clarabell77 · 15/07/2026 21:26

Stop saying sorry and start getting angry. And most importantly, get him out of your life.

@Timeforachange2026 absolutely this! Time to get ICILY FURIOUS even!

Tinkalinkalink · 16/07/2026 23:30

He is abusive.

I found Lundy Bancroft Why does he do that very helpful.

Sorry op it's not an easy road but you'll get away from him.

Whatifitallgoesright · 23/07/2026 20:24

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Page 223. The Demand Man is your ray of sunshine. Start writing a diary and keeping notes on all his criticisms. It will help you detach. Then make a spreadsheet of all his complaints and keep a tally. Then you can play Criticism Bingo. This will also help you detach. It you guess correctly allocate yourself treats.

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

Farr85 · 24/07/2026 00:03

Did anyone find the second thread by OP?

Whatifitallgoesright · Yesterday 12:44

It might be the one about how often you hoover.

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