AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

[Timeforachange2026]

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

Wow…

Oh dear.…

Please, please, start getting advice and your ducks in a row.

Don’t tell him anything until you have a good situation, clarity, plan etc..

Agree with pp, some time away to get mental clarity would probably help.

Don't let the stupid flowers change your mind about leaving/kicking him out. You MUST escape from this nightmare x

He's bullying you. He won't change sorry means nothing.
I left an abusive controller after 17. The only thing I ever regretted was losing 17 years of my life. That was precious years when I had good health and energy all wasted on being with him. You have so much going for you @Timeforachange2026 think about your self worth and love yourself.x

Stop paying him any heed.
You are being abused.
Focus on getting out.
Keep notes of his abuse.

Tell family and friends the truth.
Accept support.

You are worth so much more than this OP. He hasn’t really apologized he just got bored with the situation.
I’m so sorry you have had to put up with this idiot.

FGS Make your own list, or at least respond to his pettiness before you finally get rid of him. The whinging twat.

I've made some responses ( tongue in cheek) to help you. 😛

Don't pay him enough attention.
You are too demanding and want a mother not a wife

Don't make him feel special enough
You want to be mollycoddled instead of helping your wife and family.

Am too soft with the kids.
You never interact with the kids and are a lousy lazy father.

Am too boring.
You bore the pants off me with your constant whinging.

Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife.
You never help out so we can both have a social life. Not just you.

I said I could be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
You are right.
From now on I will have 2 nights off for a social life.
If you want to join me then arrange a babysitter,
otherwise the jobs yours.

Work too much (both work full time)
I work to much and then take care of the Family. You only work at your job.

Put the kids before him.
I take an interest in my kids and family you just moan about it.

Put work before him.
Do you put me before your work?
No you don't

Bloody hell, I hope you put the flowers visibly in the bin.

So they can afford expensive villas but couldn't stretch to a two bed or 3 bed one ?

Oh OP this whole situation sounds miserable. Your life will be so much lighter without him.

It’s control, chipping away at your self esteem until you find yourself feeling useless, unmotivated and general sad and exhausted…
then they start asking why your not wanting sex 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

what you have to learn to except is the disappointment that the person you thought was going to be your forever partner in a family unit is never going to be the person you want him to, metaphorically he’s ‘cooked’… it’s the life you wanted with him that you will grieve not him. Plenty of year to find yourself happiness, once your loving your life without a man in it you won’t let just anyone in they have to be pretty amazing to you willing to invite him into your lovely world 😊 you f you have a daughter you will be showing her exactly how she should expect to be treated

He seems an appalling creature. What did you ever see in him?

I remember i had an ex like this. I used to sit and read about different topics and make notes so I could talk to him about interesting things!!
Then I learned this is what men say when they have checked out of a relationship and are too cowardly to break it off.
You can break up today or a bit further down the line but it is coming. Leave before it gets worse. This time next year you won't believe you let somone talk to you like that and he will be part of the "male loneliness epidemic".

Start planning. How old are your children? This man doesn't like you but will very likely still not want to let you go. Start planning now and give yourself a 2-3 year timeline if possible. Glow up, focus on health and wellbeing, develop more friendships, save money and put money in a separate account, decide about housing and start therapy. Leave when YOU want to not when Mumsnet or your friends say. You will know the right time so start preparing.

This has escalated since I posted this and I have another thread under another name as the two combined could be outing

Basically he has spoken to me awfully since this. Anything I say or do is wrong (in his humble opinion etc)

Today I tried to be nice as we had a busy afternoon with some school events so I took it upon myself to prep the veg for dinner early this morning and leave in the fridge. Dh came home with an absolute string of insults about how I had done it wrong (not sure how feeling some veg and leaving in the fridge in water can be wrong) instead of just saying thanks, thats a great help!

Had an absolute panic attack yesterday while parking as we were all in the car together and I spent the whole drive (15 mins) panicking as if I parked too far away I would be moaned at. If I parked in thr wrong space I would be moaned at.

The list goes on

And why are your staying? This is no way to live and not great for your children to see either

When they go low we go high -what a great piece of advice !!-wish I had lived all of my life like this as am nearly 60 now and have only adopted this attitude with age !

Mate you can’t carry on like this. Your mental health must be shot. 💐

I lived like this for a long time with my ex. It escalated to him being horrendous when he was drunk and he got our child involved in one of his outbursts.

I had tried to leave a few times before and if I look back now, I had actually been getting my ducks in a row and changing my life over the course of two years so when I didn’t leave it wasn’t all so overwhelming.

Leaving is hard. The aftermath is hard. But it’s not as hard as living like you have been. You deserve much more. There will be peace. You can leave.

Have you spoken to any of your family or close friends about it? Or any organisation like Women’s Aid?

I wouldn't be hurt, I would be incandescent with rage.
Marriage over.

@Timeforachange2026 remind yourself of this. Who made him the boss of you? Tell him if you’re so awful he really should set himself free and move out. And if my dh moaned about my driving/parking/veg prepping I’d simply tell him to do it himself so I can see how it should be done.
There We Are Then.

You said you've been working out what you can afford OP, have you found anywhere yet? Have you seen a solicitor?

You really can't keep going on like this, life is much too short, and we never know when our time will be up, so we need to make the most of every single day we have, please don't waste your's by staying and putting up with this.

I couldn’t live like this. I’m sorry you’re going through this. He’s a tedious, dull bully. Is he constantly criticising you in front of your children? Grey rock his whiny ass and plan your escape.

I think you know this, but this is abuse. You need to make a plan and get out fast.

Stop saying sorry and start getting angry. And most importantly, get him out of your life.