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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

460 replies

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 12:42

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

OP posts:
ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 24/06/2026 06:22

Timeforachange2026 · 23/06/2026 17:56

So woke up to flowers this morning and a.note to say sorry

But when I spoke to him later he said well someome had to make the effort and i need to step up and make an effort more often

Wow…

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 24/06/2026 06:25

Timeforachange2026 · 23/06/2026 20:20

Yes nothing has changed

We need to decide what to do about something tomorrow and threw 4 or 5 choices at me in quick succession. When I said i need a minute to think he huffed and puffed and told me to talk to him in 10 minutes. When I said what I wanted to do he then said that was the wrong decision ans said we were doing something else anyway.

I heard him on the phone to his sister moaning about me. He complains thay because I work 9-5 i log off dead on 5. Occasionally its a bit eaely but usually 5pm. Sometimes a few minutes late if I am in thr middle of something and on a call etc. I thought that seen as I work 9-5 it would be expected that I am available until 5pm. But apparently I take the mickey by finishing dead on 5pm??

Edited

Oh dear.…

Please, please, start getting advice and your ducks in a row.

Don’t tell him anything until you have a good situation, clarity, plan etc..

Agree with pp, some time away to get mental clarity would probably help.

Teddybear23 · 24/06/2026 12:43

Timeforachange2026 · 23/06/2026 17:56

So woke up to flowers this morning and a.note to say sorry

But when I spoke to him later he said well someome had to make the effort and i need to step up and make an effort more often

Don't let the stupid flowers change your mind about leaving/kicking him out. You MUST escape from this nightmare x

Luddite26 · 24/06/2026 13:56

He's bullying you. He won't change sorry means nothing.
I left an abusive controller after 17. The only thing I ever regretted was losing 17 years of my life. That was precious years when I had good health and energy all wasted on being with him. You have so much going for you @Timeforachange2026 think about your self worth and love yourself.x

Pinkdayss · 24/06/2026 15:59

Stop paying him any heed.
You are being abused.
Focus on getting out.
Keep notes of his abuse.

Tell family and friends the truth.
Accept support.

ThisSillyPoet · 24/06/2026 16:03

You are worth so much more than this OP. He hasn’t really apologized he just got bored with the situation.
I’m so sorry you have had to put up with this idiot.

Hildegard25 · 25/06/2026 14:30

FGS Make your own list, or at least respond to his pettiness before you finally get rid of him. The whinging twat.

I've made some responses ( tongue in cheek) to help you. 😛

Don't pay him enough attention.
You are too demanding and want a mother not a wife

Don't make him feel special enough
You want to be mollycoddled instead of helping your wife and family.

Am too soft with the kids.
You never interact with the kids and are a lousy lazy father.

Am too boring.
You bore the pants off me with your constant whinging.

Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife.
You never help out so we can both have a social life. Not just you.

I said I could be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
You are right.
From now on I will have 2 nights off for a social life.
If you want to join me then arrange a babysitter,
otherwise the jobs yours.

Work too much (both work full time)
I work to much and then take care of the Family. You only work at your job.

Put the kids before him.
I take an interest in my kids and family you just moan about it.

Put work before him.
Do you put me before your work?
No you don't

Ileithyia · 26/06/2026 10:38

Timeforachange2026 · 23/06/2026 17:56

So woke up to flowers this morning and a.note to say sorry

But when I spoke to him later he said well someome had to make the effort and i need to step up and make an effort more often

Bloody hell, I hope you put the flowers visibly in the bin.

Flapjak · Yesterday 07:33

So they can afford expensive villas but couldn't stretch to a two bed or 3 bed one ?

ManchesterGirl2 · Yesterday 07:44

Oh OP this whole situation sounds miserable. Your life will be so much lighter without him.

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