AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

[Timeforachange2026]

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

Don’t put up with this, OP. If you start the process of separation and divorce now in a year you’ll be in a much better place minus the awful husband. Do you really need him in your life to moan and groan about made up faults?

Please think about leaving this guy where he belongs, in the past.

If I were you I’d instantly get my salary to go into your own account to start with.

Urgh what a knob head 🤢

Lovely you and be yourself. You are saying you are used. I don't know you but I 💯 wish you well

I don't know what's going on with MN. So many threads by women (?) asking if they're being unreasonable to have hurty feelings over what is obviously atrocious behaviour by someone else. Don't you know YNBU?? Do you need anonymous posters on MN to validate you or stroke your ruffled feathers? Dont ask IYABU, just lay it all out there and ask for advice on what to do. Perhaps it's the hot weather 🥵, whatever. Just LTB.

I wanted to put you are being unreasonable- only and merely because you are still with him and even on here keep adding explanations to excuse/ explain yourself! It sounds like he has ( understandably) eroded your confidence and self respect to the point you question whether the criticisms are justified. He is annihilating your character, intelligence and confidence- whilst luxuriating in you facilitating his lazy lifestyle. Anyone can say one wrong/ hurtful thing out of turn occasionally - but this man-baby’s long list, plus the sweeping statements about you being lazy , thick etc are absolutely inexcusable. You deserve so so much better. He’s supposed to be your partner through life, your biggest supporter. Your kids also need to see that you are human and worthy of respect. Bail - as quickly and as efficiently as you can and take the b**d for everything you can.

Jesus. These men! The best part of your life is about to begin. What a dead weight he is and what a bright future for you and dc.

So he is jealous of his own children?

What a selfish, self centred man.

Why are you even trying? Nothing will ever be good enough for him, and he won’t realise how good he had it until it is gone.

You can either live an unhappy life with this man or please yourself (as he does!) and get rid.

Oh my goodness me. This is horrible. What an awful way to treat you as his wife and the mother of his children. I was in a similar position and I left - I gave him everything I had and it wasn’t enough and it would never have been as he was actually the problem. You deserve so much more happiness and you should try and find it. Wishing you lots of luck and you will find that happiness x

LTB. What a prick.

No, this is too big for that kind of response. She needs to leave the relationship, not just go out more.

I absolutely do think OP needs to leave this man and reclaim her life and dignity. However, all the posts saying she needs to save her children from this nasty man and she owes it them to LTB etc are missing a very important point. He will still be their father and will potentially have them half the time where she won't be there to 'protect' them. She needs to leave so she can be free and in doing so will show the kids she won't be treated like a doormat but they can't leave him and it's not on OP to protect them from him.

My ex-husband used to do this. Reel off a list of all my faults. Moan that I worked long hours whilst being the bigger spender (I earned more).

Note exhusband.

Joking aside you will have normalized this behaviour after years of it and it's not normal at all.

Please think about your own wellbeing and consider of the marriage is worth it.

I'm so sorry that you have having to deal with this. He is bullying you. Arrange to go away for a week with someone and let him pick up the slack. Don't ask him, tell him. Use this time to think about whether or not you want to be with someone who clearly doesn't appreciate you for the next 40 years.

"I don't make you feel special because I'm not a miracle worker. There is nothing remarkable about you, except your ability to make my skin crawl."

Narcissism at its best. There’s a reason they wait until the child is born. They think they have you trapped and can then do what they want. If you’re leaving, don’t tell him. Make your plans get your ducks in a row. Leave while he is at work. . You can leave him a note with a phone number how to contact you to see his children. If you tell him in advance., There’s a very good chance he will say he’s sorry cry crocodile tears beg you to stay. He might not, but I bet he does. He won’t want to lose his verbal punch bag. That’s my experience anyway. And don’t ever think of going back to him when he apologises and says he’ll be better in future. He won’t. He will just be worse. He will want to punish you for leaving in the first place.

I wouldn’t bother telling him tbh (lol), he’s clearly not taking in any of your nonsensical waffling. Why bother?

As always, ducks in a row and you’re in a more powerful position to negotiate, discuss, talk it through if need be or indeed just walk away.

That’s the outcome of decades of patriarchy and misogyny generally and individually women being manipulated and gaslit so they no longer trust their own judgement. It’s easy to see from the outside. I still can get caught up in believing my ex’s warped narrative. Living with this kind of thing literally re-wires your brain. Don’t judge.

Just imagine doing sll uou have to do but with 1 less manchild to deal with. Imagine the bliss of not having to listen to that miserable moaning prick everyday. Imagine doing the hoovering. Talking to people just existing without the constant moaning drone of his irritating voice. Do you actually get intimate with this tedious cock lodger? Because I feel I would be slamming shut. Do you really want to live like this for the next 20/30/40 years. I am depressed for you.

Good luck, OP. Ducks in a row, sounds like you've seen the light!

You don't deserve to live like this.

I’d tell him to fuck off.

He doesn’t actually like you.

I can't get past the comment that you put the kids before him like it's a negative?! Every parents should put their kids first!

I'd say we'll if you learnt a better wage I'd have time for you, a social life and housework, so when you achieve that I'll consider a life change, until then, i haven't the time or money! Petty I know but I would happily hurt his feelings back lol

So woke up to flowers this morning and a.note to say sorry

But when I spoke to him later he said well someome had to make the effort and i need to step up and make an effort more often

So you know where to shove the flowers then ….

Oh FFS OP ... the man is a complete and utter arsehole..... he's a self important, bullying, gaslighting, inadequate, pathetic excuse for a man. PLEASE think of yourself and kids and look for a better life. This really is never going to change. It may be difficult at first, but you'll get over it and see what kind of life you should be leading without this piece of dog crap !!!!!