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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

460 replies

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 12:42

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

OP posts:
trixie1970 · 23/06/2026 18:19

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 21/06/2026 12:56

Him calling you thick and stupid is the deal breaker. The way you have phrased this suggests he is controlling.

Agree with this. This is not the behaviour of a husband. You deserve so much better than to be bullied this way, OP. Please show yourself some respect and don't stand for this.

Easilyforgotten · 23/06/2026 18:32

So it was sorry, not sorry, and even that came with a caveat. You are worth so much more than this OP.

ny20005 · 23/06/2026 18:40

So he only did it to end the silence, rather than apologise for what he said. Prince among men - leave the bastard

MegMortimer · 23/06/2026 19:07

You probably won't hear the end of those bloody flowers, either. He'll be like 'see how nice I am to you?? ..and what did I get back?'. Predictable twat.

Oldartist · 23/06/2026 19:08

What a ghastly excuse for a caring husband. If only he’d left it at ‘I’m sorry’.
I’m sad to say that his behaviour, as you describe it, points very firmly to Control.

He will love you if you cook more, eat differently, be a perfect little 1960’s housewife, who also works, and turns a blind eye to any of his misdeeds.
Be strong, you are worth MUCH more.

JayJayj · 23/06/2026 19:09

So his apology isn’t even an apology.

pkt3chgirl · 23/06/2026 19:11

Any man that called me thick and stupid is not getting any cleaning or food from me. Listen to me, go find yourself a hobby and bugger off out of the house.

OriginalUsername2 · 23/06/2026 19:17

Oh OP, he’s such a horrible person.

Timeforachange2026 · 23/06/2026 20:20

Yes nothing has changed

We need to decide what to do about something tomorrow and threw 4 or 5 choices at me in quick succession. When I said i need a minute to think he huffed and puffed and told me to talk to him in 10 minutes. When I said what I wanted to do he then said that was the wrong decision ans said we were doing something else anyway.

I heard him on the phone to his sister moaning about me. He complains thay because I work 9-5 i log off dead on 5. Occasionally its a bit eaely but usually 5pm. Sometimes a few minutes late if I am in thr middle of something and on a call etc. I thought that seen as I work 9-5 it would be expected that I am available until 5pm. But apparently I take the mickey by finishing dead on 5pm??

OP posts:
HardyFox · 23/06/2026 20:40

FFS, do you want us to come en masse and sort the twunt out good and proper??

Donsyb · 23/06/2026 20:52

Timeforachange2026 · 23/06/2026 20:20

Yes nothing has changed

We need to decide what to do about something tomorrow and threw 4 or 5 choices at me in quick succession. When I said i need a minute to think he huffed and puffed and told me to talk to him in 10 minutes. When I said what I wanted to do he then said that was the wrong decision ans said we were doing something else anyway.

I heard him on the phone to his sister moaning about me. He complains thay because I work 9-5 i log off dead on 5. Occasionally its a bit eaely but usually 5pm. Sometimes a few minutes late if I am in thr middle of something and on a call etc. I thought that seen as I work 9-5 it would be expected that I am available until 5pm. But apparently I take the mickey by finishing dead on 5pm??

Edited

A decent employee will work at least the hours they are being paid for, so until 5pm. Unless they have a more flexible arrangement with work.

Finishing early occasionally would be ok, but not regularly.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 23/06/2026 20:59

Make a list of your own. Nail it to the door when you leave.

Carlou · 23/06/2026 21:14

He "takes a nap".. is he a child? Or does he have a particular disease? That sounds very abnormal

Triskellion75 · 23/06/2026 21:19

HardyFox · 23/06/2026 20:40

FFS, do you want us to come en masse and sort the twunt out good and proper??

We ride at dawn.

Triskellion75 · 23/06/2026 21:20

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 23/06/2026 20:59

Make a list of your own. Nail it to the door when you leave.

Nail it to his fucking face more like.

bigboykitty · 23/06/2026 21:25

Triskellion75 · 23/06/2026 21:20

Nail it to his fucking face more like.

Yes! I'll hold the bastard down. Please leave him OP. Everything you describe is so familiar to me and probably loads of other posters. We all left and you can too.

goody2shooz · 23/06/2026 21:26

Triskellion75 · 23/06/2026 21:20

Nail it to his fucking face more like.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

catlover123456789 · 23/06/2026 21:57

What a total twat. Of course if you're working 9 to 5 you should work 9 to 5. What is he actually on about?

TeaCupTinsel · 23/06/2026 21:57

Timeforachange2026 · 23/06/2026 20:20

Yes nothing has changed

We need to decide what to do about something tomorrow and threw 4 or 5 choices at me in quick succession. When I said i need a minute to think he huffed and puffed and told me to talk to him in 10 minutes. When I said what I wanted to do he then said that was the wrong decision ans said we were doing something else anyway.

I heard him on the phone to his sister moaning about me. He complains thay because I work 9-5 i log off dead on 5. Occasionally its a bit eaely but usually 5pm. Sometimes a few minutes late if I am in thr middle of something and on a call etc. I thought that seen as I work 9-5 it would be expected that I am available until 5pm. But apparently I take the mickey by finishing dead on 5pm??

Edited

Absolutely fuck that twat off. He is a manipulative, abusive little weasel and it's all a power play. Gives you choices but when you choose, it suddenly becomes the wrong answer?

What kind of saddo life does he have that all he's got to talk to his sister about is whether you should finish work at 5pm on the dot or not?!That's actually embarrassing.

How you don't have a ten foot long 'ick' list of all his faults is utterly beyond me because just by reading about his cringey and awful ways, I think my whole nether region has inverted.

Please get out of this hideous relationship! You will be so much happier!

Ohnobackagain · 23/06/2026 22:36

HardyFox · 23/06/2026 20:40

FFS, do you want us to come en masse and sort the twunt out good and proper??

Count me in @Timeforachange2026 who the hell does he think he is?

LizandDerekGoals · 23/06/2026 22:40

He is an arsehole and looking for excuses to be an arsehole and blame you. You do more. Start listing it for him. He does less and clearly wants to do nothing.

IslandAdventure · 23/06/2026 23:22

Timeforachange2026 · 23/06/2026 20:20

Yes nothing has changed

We need to decide what to do about something tomorrow and threw 4 or 5 choices at me in quick succession. When I said i need a minute to think he huffed and puffed and told me to talk to him in 10 minutes. When I said what I wanted to do he then said that was the wrong decision ans said we were doing something else anyway.

I heard him on the phone to his sister moaning about me. He complains thay because I work 9-5 i log off dead on 5. Occasionally its a bit eaely but usually 5pm. Sometimes a few minutes late if I am in thr middle of something and on a call etc. I thought that seen as I work 9-5 it would be expected that I am available until 5pm. But apparently I take the mickey by finishing dead on 5pm??

Edited

I can not wait for the thread when you tell us you have told him. Then you’ll have a crappy time for a while but let us support you. We will be here. Divorce is hard - but not as hard as living with that!

Then I’ll look forward to your thread when you are on holiday with a good friend, free of his abuse, and you ask us to raise a glass to you, and we will!

IslandAdventure · 23/06/2026 23:23

bigboykitty · 23/06/2026 21:25

Yes! I'll hold the bastard down. Please leave him OP. Everything you describe is so familiar to me and probably loads of other posters. We all left and you can too.

Yup. Divorce is soooo hard but sooooooo worth it to get away from this stuff!!

changeme4this · 23/06/2026 23:32

Well I hope his sister is mature enough to see her brother for the f.wit he is and gave him a gob full. Fancy expecting that you will drop your obligations as an employee because he happens to be around!

it’s an example of how controlling he is over your life. And he doesn’t like that you are obligated to another entity, this time your employer. Your job provides you with financial security separate from him.

personally I believe you need time away from this man. He has you all confused and doubting yourself and that’s not healthy.

what sort of family support can you muster? Have you spoken to anyone in your family as to what you are going through, and does anyone have a safe space you can head away to (take the kids) for a couple of weeks or alternatively can you fund a stay away yourself ?

(Do not use internet banking though, as he will see where you can gone to, perhaps a friend can book it for you and you repay them with a cash withdrawal ?)

superplumb · 24/06/2026 01:31

He sounds awful. Id definitely leave. Hes abusive. I wonder if hes cheating too. Men whi cheat suddenly find lots of faults in their spouse

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