AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

[Timeforachange2026]

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

And you choose to have children with this prick because...?

Mmmmm...could there be someone else.

What a selfish, self centred, man-child. I'd make a list of his faults and ask him to make a list of what he's bringing to the relationship.

Actually, no, I'd tell him to get his bags packed. You deserve better.

No wonder I keep hearing about a 'male loneliness epidemic', They really do need to understand cause and effect.

What does he do to make you feel special?

Throw that one back in his face.

I would divorce him.

They can usually manage to behave themselves for a couple of years until they realise having a family involves having a grown up attitude and they're still silly adolescents who only care about themselves.

Well I think you know the answer here. What went through my head was what the actual f...
The fact you have energy to run in the morning is a massive achievement. You need to hail his ass out of the house. Your poor kids as well seeing him treat you this way!!

This isn't going to change OP, he doesn't like you let alone love you. Show him the door.

Honestly he sounds like a massive dick. He wants you to put him before your kids? Nah. Write a list back to him of all the reasons you're divorcing him.

gosh. And why does this man child need an afternoon nap?

Sounds like your marriage is over.

he has no respect for you.

get your ducks in a row - get a solicitor and get away from him.

really hope you’re ok and can have a new and better life

I would change everything by divorcing this charming man. Your life partner is supposed to like you, love you, support you, work as a team. This man doesn’t like you, doesn’t love you, doesn’t support you or work as a team. He is not being a partner. Why waste your life subjecting yourself to this constant criticism and dislike??

So many people on here say they wish their husbands had told them why they were unhappy instead of leaving/sleeping with someone else etc.

He has told you. Plenty of people will say he’s a bad person based on the details of that list but you can now decide how to proceed, whether you split or not

Nothing else to say. See a solicitor tomorrow.

I think its time to make plans to separate

Reading your post, it’s totally exhausting. You must be super fitting healthy to do all of that.

I’m not sure it’s a very constructive list though?

Well, you haven't said what you think of him, but regardless, he hates you. What is the way forward? It can only be separation, after this, surely? What's to prolong?

just explain it’s because he is so perfect that it’s hard to be good enough in the face of such awesomeness . you know you will never be good enough for him

pack your bag and book a hotel room for the week

He is eroding your confidence. Am sorry OP. He's a bully, me no like.

Time to list his faults and what he brings to the table.. I bet it's not all that much.

It was a power trip and a dig. Not for the first time either by the sounds of it.

There are ways to talk about being unhappy with someone. This wasn't it. I wouldn't be surprised that he's already looking elsewhere anyway.

I'm a marriage therapist and I really think you both need marriage counseling. He's telling you something is wrong.

I wish every man and woman knew that something like 60% of couples have a significant dip in marital satisfaction with small kids.

The biggest flag is he feels you put everything, even work, in front of him. He's saying he needs you. It's a shitty delivery, but that's the underlying message.

As parents, you two need to be Hella united. Get united. He's going to have to give as well because there's a near zero chance he doesn't have his own hand in things going sideways.

His list of grievances only serve to reveal that he is a narcissist.

When they say ‘not enough attention’ they really mean they’re not getting as much sex as they’d like. I take it this hard working paragon looks like Brad Pitt, with the charm of George Clooney, the work ethic of Elon Musk (without being a dick), and the kindness of Keanu Reeves? If so, then I’d be inclined to make more effort, but if not then he can fuck off to fuck off land.

Having had a similar thing said to me by ex DH I would say he’s on his way out the door and may have someone else lined up , sorry OP but when a man wants to leave he will firstly build a narrative to make you the problem so he can a) justify it in his head and b) tell everyone how he just couldn’t live with you and it’s all your fault. Don’t believe it. But regardless of whether there’s anyone else he’s a selfish man child. It’s all about him and what he needs with no consideration for you. He is abusive, calling you thick and stupid on top of the list of complaints. What’s the point in being married to someone like that. Life is too short for this shit. Stand up for yourself and tell him if he’s so unhappy he should move out, you refuse to put up with this and make plans to separate. With this level of contempt for you I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. He will destroy your self confidence. Yes of course you will feel hurt but your life will be better without him.