AIBU to expect neighbours to move their barbecue away from our house?

[Tam182]

I'm just putting this out there for opinions! Sorry for the long post, I'm upset!

I'm no party pooper, people can have fun of course. But. Our next door neighbours bbq is against the wall, right by our house, about 1 metre from our house and right next to our conservatory (with the wall inbetween)
Over the years they have had many a bbq, the smoke and smell fills our house. Husband has asked numerous times for them to please move it, always brushed off, no compromise.
Last year things came to a head during a heat wave, where after 4 days in a row of bbq for dinner and sometimes lunch, plus singing in the garden until midnight, my husband lost it and shouted out. Admittedly not great from him but frustrated with it yet again. Since then a friendly relationship is basically non existent but I'm always pleasant and have always tried to be the peacekeeper and also see it from their point of view.
Today i did get a warning text so I could get my washing in, replied with thanks and kindly asking moving forward can they please move it away from the house as in the past we have been sat in our conservatory, which is our dining room, with smoke going into our eyes or in heatwaves close our windows so we don't cough or get headaches. Better coming from me than one from my husband. The wife read this out to their group of friends in the garden, 10 seconds later the husband comes round and was shouting at me on my doorstep, with my six year old there, that they'll do what they want to do, the bbq has been there for 15 years and it works for them. We can close our windows(great in the heat!)
They love a drink and a party, of course entitled to that, but I don't see why they can't move it. We have had a lot of noise from them since we moved in but I try to ignore it as I like them and it's not every day, during the summer it's a few times a week. When shouting at me he said they have maybe 6 a year and always warn us. Not true, I can count on one hand the number of warning texts in 7 years and if we have good periods of weather they have done it a few times a week. Wouldn't have a problem if it was at the end of the garden.
I'm just upset as he was shouting at me, when it's me trying to calm my husband down over it and see it from both sides. Now he's been like that I won't be doing it anymore as it was just unbelievable and unnecessary. Then he went straight back to the garden party and said who wants prosseco (they also think we can hear nothing from their garden)
Aibu to think they should move it?

I think you've tried and they're obviously not willing to compromise. I think I'd be barbecuing next to the fence myself when they aren't to see if they understand differently when on the receiving end. Not sure what else you can do without souring things even more.

They sound awful

YANBU to want some consideration, but they can have it wherever they like in their own garden.
People don’t all act with the same consideration you give to others, unfortunately.
They clearly want to have it there so you might either have to put up with it, or move. Is that an option? I’m guessing not.

My neighbours have barbecues every weekend and they are right by my door so I sympathise with you, however they are mostly renting so move on fairly quickly. I’d get environmental health at the council involved in your shoes. Smoke going into your house is a health hazard.

I find it difficult to understand why people who live near to one another choose to inconvenience them. The trouble is, you mostly don’t know, when you move into a house, what the neighbours are like, or what neighbours you’ll get when existing ones move.

They are entitled to have their bbq next to the fence, you are entitled to jet wash your fence whenever they have a bbq.

Ha ha ha, brilliant.

Set up the strongest fan you can find on your side of the fence, pushing the smoke back over their side.

Or jet wash your fence (if it is your fence?) every time they start it up.

At best, they’ll move it to the other side of their garden. Do they have neighbours that side too?

Would it actually make a difference if they moved it to the end of the garden? That’d depend on how long the garden is I guess?

It doesn’t matter what we think , they have said no. So stop asking. The answer isn’t going to change. It’s not like they forgot you want it moved, so what on earth possessed you to ask again . Even I, a stranger could have told you it’s a no,it’s just antagonism to keep asking

Entitlement. Even the slightest increase in their enjoyment is more important than the downsides for others.

The issue in the UK is complaining about it doesn't seem to yield results and will just end up hurting the complainer who will have to declare a dispute when they sell, potentially making their house impossible to sell. It's so shit. I believe there are other countries that handle it better where quiet hours and action against anti-social behaviour are actually enforced.

I've said it before that I really believe there should be clearer rules about neighbour nuisance that will result in on the spot fines. Why should we all be held to ransom by people who think their enjoyment is more important than multiple neighbours right to peacefully enjoy their own home.

I think they are not going to play ball sadly.They obv like it there and wont move it. I think you cant do very much really .They are adamant that they want it there.

I would get the hose pipe and accidentally let it go over the fence.

😂😂😂

Bbq fish near their windows.

You could decide to cut your lawn once the bbq starts and take your time!

Face your speakers their way, play Wagner at top volume and pop out for an hour while they and their partying friends enjoy.

Cut the grass and take forever
non of this music and hosepipe stuff

Is their garden big enough to move it further down? Is your garden big enough that you can sit at the opposite end?

I do think that you shouldn’t minimise your own enjoyment of the space. Sometimes showing how the noise carries gives more food for thought.

Also… proper bbqs shouldn’t be smoking unpleasantly. If it’s that acrid chemical smell they’re using too many firelighters and probably poisoning themselves.

I read a great comment online once, can’t remember where. Basically an elderly chap had had enough of his neighbours behaviour in the garden so he would start up a petrol strimmer and leave it on tickover, for hours every time they were loud

Set up a sprinkler…..

This. I don’t understand. They are allowed to do it. You have asked them they have refused. You want to remain friendly but yet you still ask them. Why? You are not thing unreasonable to not want your house filled with smoke but you are being unreasonable to keep asking. She even met you half way today and told you in advanced and yet you reply with can you move it?

Does your grass need watering?

Could you not need a sprinkler with a hose pipe

If it happened to need watering when the BBQ was on and some accidently went over the fence

Well oh dear 😉

(Though this might make the situation worse 😕)

I think your husband needs to take up a new hobby, let’s say “making metal sculptures in the garden using an angle grinder” whilst listening to loud death metal.

Do you have plants that you can water with an unmanageable hose?

I mean you’ve asked. Fair. They said no technically also fair.

Where they bbq obviously works for them in that location if it hasn’t moved in 15years.

I guess good for running back and forth into the kitchen.

Flogging a dead horse keep asking.