AIBU to expect neighbours to move their barbecue away from our house?

[Tam182]

I'm just putting this out there for opinions! Sorry for the long post, I'm upset!

I'm no party pooper, people can have fun of course. But. Our next door neighbours bbq is against the wall, right by our house, about 1 metre from our house and right next to our conservatory (with the wall inbetween)
Over the years they have had many a bbq, the smoke and smell fills our house. Husband has asked numerous times for them to please move it, always brushed off, no compromise.
Last year things came to a head during a heat wave, where after 4 days in a row of bbq for dinner and sometimes lunch, plus singing in the garden until midnight, my husband lost it and shouted out. Admittedly not great from him but frustrated with it yet again. Since then a friendly relationship is basically non existent but I'm always pleasant and have always tried to be the peacekeeper and also see it from their point of view.
Today i did get a warning text so I could get my washing in, replied with thanks and kindly asking moving forward can they please move it away from the house as in the past we have been sat in our conservatory, which is our dining room, with smoke going into our eyes or in heatwaves close our windows so we don't cough or get headaches. Better coming from me than one from my husband. The wife read this out to their group of friends in the garden, 10 seconds later the husband comes round and was shouting at me on my doorstep, with my six year old there, that they'll do what they want to do, the bbq has been there for 15 years and it works for them. We can close our windows(great in the heat!)
They love a drink and a party, of course entitled to that, but I don't see why they can't move it. We have had a lot of noise from them since we moved in but I try to ignore it as I like them and it's not every day, during the summer it's a few times a week. When shouting at me he said they have maybe 6 a year and always warn us. Not true, I can count on one hand the number of warning texts in 7 years and if we have good periods of weather they have done it a few times a week. Wouldn't have a problem if it was at the end of the garden.
I'm just upset as he was shouting at me, when it's me trying to calm my husband down over it and see it from both sides. Now he's been like that I won't be doing it anymore as it was just unbelievable and unnecessary. Then he went straight back to the garden party and said who wants prosseco (they also think we can hear nothing from their garden)
Aibu to think they should move it?

That’s completely at odds with your dessert of interactions between you, your DH and them though. If they’re close enough to have a grandparent role in your kids lives, I’d have quite a lot of tolerance.

Put some sweet sticky honey or similar substance on your fence that will encourage ants that will hopefully invade his bbq.

Hose out of the window you took the photo from, every time they light it up...

Obviously I'm joking, but it's tempting! I think, given that they are not going to budge but the smoke is persistent and hazardous, I would contact your council's environmental health department for advice. We had a similar issue with our old neighbour's BBQ and they did move it to the back of the garden when we pointed out that, according to our council's website, smoke from a BBQ "can constitute a legal nuisance if it happens often or there’s a lot of smoke". The fact that your NDN uses it a lot, combined with their intimidatory behaviour, suggests your council might send out a warning letter.

But you have to decide whether you want to go down the official route. Frankly, I would, unless I was planning to sell up soon and didn't want to declare a neighbour dispute.

You asked and they said no, you asked again and they said no and so you asked again, you are persistent - will you just keep asking because this discussion has been had but it feels like you will keep asking until you get what you want.

The reality is that this continued asking will be very annoying, it must put a real dampener on the BBQ feastivities - I don't feel that's your intention but if it is, it will be working - drip, drip, drip - no need to employ any of the other annoying methods mentioned by the other posters - the continued asking will be enough!

Did you appreciate the warning that a BBQ was being lit, I thought you did? A conciliatory response would have been thanks for letting us know but you chose to ask again - indicating to them that there is no point in letting you know as you just take it as an opportunity to ask again.

Depends what you want to achieve - they don't sound like they are going to change their minds and you and your dh don't sound like you are willing to stop asking - is moving an option?

You asked them repeatedly to move the barbecue elsewhere in the garden and they've consistently refused. You know they don't want it elsewhere so it's pointless and only serves to wind them up. You've said that you eat your dinner in your conservatory and keep the windows open. Well that's something you can do something about - the barbecue isn't! So if they warn you they're going to be having a BBQ, thank them for letting you know and close your windows and have your dinner somewhere else in your house.

It might be annoying having to change your routine when they won't change theirs, but it's better than having smoke in your house!

Stink bomb by the fence when they have friends round for food. Not next time (too obvious) but time after. If asked deny all knowledge and say it must be the drains. Maybe after a few of those they’ll move it….

7 days a year. YABU.

He shouldn’t have shouted but you’re being OTT.

I’m bewildered by your crossness he went back and asked who wanted prosecco as if this was completely unreasonable. What did you want him to do?

To light a BBQ quickly and efficiently you use a BBQ chimney starter with charcoal and a good quality non toxic starter - the white smoke off a BBQ lasts 10-14 mins and then is is virtually nothing as the coals gently burn - I don't genuinely understand where all the smoke is coming from after 15mins.

OP there is actually something you can do, but it depends if you want to sour the relationship completely.

Most Local Authorities will have online reporting for neighbour issues. If the smoke from the barbecue is as bad as you say, it could be considered pollution.

File a complaint ASAP via the online reporting tool on your local council website. You will then need to start a diary via the reporting tool, of 14 days duration, logging the number of barbecues held in that time, the exact start and end times, and say how/why it forces you to close windows or move laundry. Record how the smoke affects the inside of your home and any other incidence/excessive noise - preferably time and date stamped so you have it if the council ask for further evidence.

Once reported, the council will review your logs. If they agree the smoke/noise is excessive and frequent enough to be a statutory nuisance, they can issue a legally binding abatement order. If the neighbour ignores it they can face substantial fines.

You might want to try mediation rather than escalating to the council right away. The Civil Mediation Council acts as a third party to help reach a compromise if at all possible.

Another vote for team jet wash the fence.

Thank them for telling you and inform them you are jet washing the fence at whatever time they are bbqing.

Forever.

That is way too close op. I think.you are at risk here. Our entitled neighbour actually enjoyed setting garden fires but right by our oil.tank. Even after a visit from the fire brigade.

It ended in disaster after using their garage to store chemicals from a cleaning business around a metre from my house. You guessed it, a spark caught it all alight. Explosions, the works. For us, the wind was in the opposite direction but not for the owners of 3 garages burnt to the ground. Three fire engines in attendance. He knew we had children in the house but cleared off saving himself.

There is no friendship here. Its over. Your DH is right. Another neighbour here had the culprit by the neck so watch DH does not lose it and is labelled the aggressor as our usually mild mannered neighbour was.

I like this idea 😁😆

I think I would tolerate the smell of a big bag of rotting manure being emptied next to the fenced / walled off bamboo. Do that and spend a week or so somewhere else. Happy holidays.

Yanbu. We always put our bbq as far as possible from houses. We also got gas so we eliminate the starter smoke.
If you live in build up area, you need to be reasonable and your neighbour certainly isn't. I would have massive issue with this even as bbq fan! Not just direct into windows, but it looks like fire hazard.
I was always glad we din't live next to whoever we smelled many houses across. So. Much. Fire. Starter. Liquid. You could taste it from the smell🤢

I'd be thrilled if my neighbour let me know she was lighting the BBQ so I could get my washing in.
So your husband has asked and they said no. So why did you think when you asked they were suddenly going to say oh yes of course we'll move it? They obviously had no intention of moving it and being asked repeatedly to stop doing something in their own garden will just make them want to do it more.
As others have said you can call environmental health if you think it's that bad and they are generally pretty good at coming out to check.
If it were me, I'd just ignore it. Surely you can sit in a different room with the windows open if the smoke is such a problem. Or sit in your garden but at the far end of the it. At least that way you will be able to see if it would make any difference if they did eventually decide to move the BBQ.

Confused by this too. They deliberately wind op up, and the husband has abused and bullied op, yelling at her on her own doorstep.

Why are people like this ? So very territorial. Shouting at you is rather weak and immature.
I assume the wind always blows in your direction ? Never back at them ?
They won’t move it.
Get a BBQ. Use it when they use theirs. Place it close to their fence.

Just to add to your woes I note the bottlebrush tree flowering on the corner, is that yours or theirs?
Because they belong to the Myrtaceae family (like eucalyptus and tea trees), their leaves contain volatile oils and terpenes that ignite very easily and burn at high temperatures.

It's clearly a fire hazard where it is. Just report them to whomever these things get reported to and don't re-engage.

If the conservatory roof is polycarbonate, in your shoes, I'd be seeking urgent advice from the Fire Brigade.

Polycarbonate melts into great hanging, murderous waterfalls. Ask me how I know, says the house fire survivor.

Talk to the Environmental Health department of your council- this definitely sounds like a nuisance and there will be a protocol to deal with it, especially relevant as your cordial relationship is over.

You are NBU but they clearly are - so there’s nothing that can be done. You risk making it even more unpleasant by falling out with them. Some people are just arseholes and, while it’s unfair you have to live next to them, you cannot turn them into better neighbours. You can only end up with a falling out so serious it has to be listed on your future house selling paperwork.

Sorry, sounds deeply frustrating.

Yeah they are being d*cks.

Council complaint
jet wash
Do anything you can to similarly inconvenience them - get creative. (I'm petty enough to do this but you may not be 😃)

Take your 6yr old outside at 6am for a water fight. Ain't nothing like the ear piercing screams and laughter of a 6yr girl - it's your garden - you can do what you like.

Oh and next time they have a bbq - get the lawn mower out and really take your time with it.

To be fair - her dh started the shouting - this situation could escalate quite badly for the OP. ANd what seems bad now can always get worse with a bit of serious tit-for-tat.