AIBU to expect neighbours to move their barbecue away from our house?

[Tam182]

I'm just putting this out there for opinions! Sorry for the long post, I'm upset!

I'm no party pooper, people can have fun of course. But. Our next door neighbours bbq is against the wall, right by our house, about 1 metre from our house and right next to our conservatory (with the wall inbetween)
Over the years they have had many a bbq, the smoke and smell fills our house. Husband has asked numerous times for them to please move it, always brushed off, no compromise.
Last year things came to a head during a heat wave, where after 4 days in a row of bbq for dinner and sometimes lunch, plus singing in the garden until midnight, my husband lost it and shouted out. Admittedly not great from him but frustrated with it yet again. Since then a friendly relationship is basically non existent but I'm always pleasant and have always tried to be the peacekeeper and also see it from their point of view.
Today i did get a warning text so I could get my washing in, replied with thanks and kindly asking moving forward can they please move it away from the house as in the past we have been sat in our conservatory, which is our dining room, with smoke going into our eyes or in heatwaves close our windows so we don't cough or get headaches. Better coming from me than one from my husband. The wife read this out to their group of friends in the garden, 10 seconds later the husband comes round and was shouting at me on my doorstep, with my six year old there, that they'll do what they want to do, the bbq has been there for 15 years and it works for them. We can close our windows(great in the heat!)
They love a drink and a party, of course entitled to that, but I don't see why they can't move it. We have had a lot of noise from them since we moved in but I try to ignore it as I like them and it's not every day, during the summer it's a few times a week. When shouting at me he said they have maybe 6 a year and always warn us. Not true, I can count on one hand the number of warning texts in 7 years and if we have good periods of weather they have done it a few times a week. Wouldn't have a problem if it was at the end of the garden.
I'm just upset as he was shouting at me, when it's me trying to calm my husband down over it and see it from both sides. Now he's been like that I won't be doing it anymore as it was just unbelievable and unnecessary. Then he went straight back to the garden party and said who wants prosseco (they also think we can hear nothing from their garden)
Aibu to think they should move it?

You could also keep a pot of creosote and brush handy to top up the fence when it is a nice sunny day and they are lighting the bbq. The smell should put them off their burgers!
Or put fans outside to blow any smoke away from your doors and windows…..

During the lockdown my nephew and mate came over to fix an issue with the alarm. Next door were having a picnic in the garden. I politely warned them we would be testing the alarm in case it frightened the children. We only planned to test it once for a few seconds. One was rude and told my nephew he "should not be there" despite the fact that essential works (but not picnics) were within the rules. We tested the alarm 10 times over the course of an hour. It drove them indoors. I am a vengeful bitch.

I would be finding some noisy drilling, lawn cutting, strimming and jet washing of car and patio every time they had a barbecue. If they are entitled to entertain you are entitled to keep your garden tidy and do DIY jobs. And of course it suits you to do these essential jobs while the weather is fine.

Get the garden hose out every single time!!

Also contact the council about how close the bbq is and report the abuse from the cunt next door to the police!!

I wish you'd posted that photo in the opening post as it's ridiculously close

It’s normal to have your bbq on your patio near your house, next to a wall or fence, where do you suggest they put it? Unless you have massive gardens with multiple patios it’s seems weird to me that you expect them to have it anywhere else. My neighbours bbq is next to my wall just as you describe, I personally don’t have one

This is so mean
Why did you bother commenting sourpuss?

Just recently had a run in with a neighbour over something similar.

Neighbour lives in a ground floor one bedroom flat underneath some first floor, two bedrooms flats. Due to Sixties HA.design. The two bedroom flats actually overhan. the ground floor flats and their back door entrance and bedroom.
Upstairs flats share a back of the building communal garden.

These ground floor flats also have their own piece of grass/garden at the front of these flats.

Last week, A very rude and agressive make eighbour decided he was going to have a barbeque.

The communal garden outside was filled with smoke..As were the gardens of another block of flats next door. It was quite a hot day so.many people had their windows open

The smoke stank and then.you could hear people coughing and splutteiring..
But the piece de resistance was that all at once.The smoke and fire alarms when off at once in a lot of the flats..

Saved by the bell!

The neighbour. didn't know where to look.
I also.live next to a nice,120 acre park which has no cost public barbeque facilities and an eating/sitting area about 250 yards from the flats.

But these lazy get people can't be bothered to get off their arses to use them.

So get a couple of very sensitive smoke alarms. See if this helps. Hope so

They are not going to move it.

Try ..
Visiting a nursery to see whether a tall screening plant can be grown against your fence.

Installing a powerful fan on your side to send the smoke back.
Shop for portable commercial wall mountable fans.

Reconfiguring your room so that windows on the other side can open, or a ceiling opening can vent your room comfortably while the window close to the BBQ is closed.

Get your daughter a tuba, play gabba/trance in the garden, water the fence, just be a general nuisance. It’s horrible but I’ve been there - they don’t understand nice. My neighbours moved in the end.

Even just play a noise recording of a smoke alarm full volume on your phone and pretend the smoke has set your smoke alarm off and you can’t stop it. Put phone by the fence.

Yep, this is what I would do.
Barbecue some smelly fish right next to the wall and blast some really annoying music from my ghetto blaster. 🎼Red Red Wine🎼 Let them crack on with their ‘Prosecco’.

The position of the BBQ and the bamboo are ridiculous.
From that upstairs window video them using the BBQ to show the fire brigade so your neighbours can’t argue it’s moved for use.
If that doesn’t work use a leaf blower to create noise, dust and batter the bamboo into their garden throughout their entertaining. It worked for us.
The bamboo is a serious problem. I’ve read surveyors don’t like it. If they need to move…it’ll have to go…
They’re a nightmare.

This is one of the most sensible and mature posts I've read recently.

Get a spray called Smells Like Hell. Its putrid and will put them off their burgers.

Multiple smoke alarms in your conservatory leave your windows open, then go out.

I can sympathise……our neighbour has taken to moving his bbq right up against the boundary fence which is very old, dry and just begging for a spark to liven things up! To add to the issue he starts his bbq with newspaper and kindling sticks - burning newspaper creates lots of smoke and the kindling sticks create loads of flying sparks! WTF he can’t use proper bbq lighter blocks is beyond me. I’m waiting for the day the fence catches fire……his fence, his problem!
To add insult to injury he doesn’t even wait until everyone’s taken their washing in or bother to message the neighbours to warn them of the impending bbq smoke ……I’m sure he’s sending smoke signals to the international space station!

You could put a huge pile of manure or chicken pellets down right by the bbq area.

you’d have to put up with the smell too but at least it’s your smell.

on a serious note, you are clearly not being unreasonable and they sound awful. I assume he had some drink in him which didn’t help.

perhaps on the heat wave days,
get an air circulator fan and have it in your bedroom window so it continually blasts air out of the house - perhaps it might keep the bedroom clear. It’s also loud so they might notice what you are having to do.

Or buy an industrial wood chipper!

You haven't asked them to stop doing it, you've asked them to move it so that it lessens the impact. I think that's entirely reasonable and most neighbours, when they realise they're doing something that inconveniences their neighbour, would want to compromise.

I say this as someone who enjoys the garden, and barbecues, in the summer.

He shouted at you because you're a woman and he think he can scare you. He wouldn't have shouted at your dh like that, is my bet.

There is not much you can do at this point to prevent further escalation because they're clearly intent on doing what they want.

OMG

Get a noisy petrol mower out each time they BBQ. My neighbour has a habit of doing this when it is a sunny day and I'm sat in the garden. It's infrequent enough not to bother rne but it is obnoxiously loud!

In all honesty unless their garden is huge you are always going to get BBQ smoke in you house - even moving it across to the other side won't make much of a difference.

Same with the noise too.

Annoying as they can be BBQs are a part of life in the summer for some.

Whilst I'd not deliberately set out to annoy them their lack of effort on their part would rub off on me - so if I noticed the lawn needed mowing I'd be doing it etc.

I'm baffled by the entitlement of those neighbours who inflict regular nuisance on their neighbours whether smoke, noise or other disturbances. A garden is private space for personal enjoyment yes, but only so far as it doesn't affect the right of others to peace and quiet. In this instance, OP is fully justified to ask the BBQ be moved.

Sorry I pressed yabu as I assumed it was up against the wall of their house bit a garden wall. That is antisocial where they have it. Can you grow a climber there or something that will drop leaves their side of the wall?

I am surprised you can use your conservatory in the summer as a dining room without air con or a fan though.