AIBU to expect neighbours to move their barbecue away from our house?

[Tam182]

I'm just putting this out there for opinions! Sorry for the long post, I'm upset!

I'm no party pooper, people can have fun of course. But. Our next door neighbours bbq is against the wall, right by our house, about 1 metre from our house and right next to our conservatory (with the wall inbetween)
Over the years they have had many a bbq, the smoke and smell fills our house. Husband has asked numerous times for them to please move it, always brushed off, no compromise.
Last year things came to a head during a heat wave, where after 4 days in a row of bbq for dinner and sometimes lunch, plus singing in the garden until midnight, my husband lost it and shouted out. Admittedly not great from him but frustrated with it yet again. Since then a friendly relationship is basically non existent but I'm always pleasant and have always tried to be the peacekeeper and also see it from their point of view.
Today i did get a warning text so I could get my washing in, replied with thanks and kindly asking moving forward can they please move it away from the house as in the past we have been sat in our conservatory, which is our dining room, with smoke going into our eyes or in heatwaves close our windows so we don't cough or get headaches. Better coming from me than one from my husband. The wife read this out to their group of friends in the garden, 10 seconds later the husband comes round and was shouting at me on my doorstep, with my six year old there, that they'll do what they want to do, the bbq has been there for 15 years and it works for them. We can close our windows(great in the heat!)
They love a drink and a party, of course entitled to that, but I don't see why they can't move it. We have had a lot of noise from them since we moved in but I try to ignore it as I like them and it's not every day, during the summer it's a few times a week. When shouting at me he said they have maybe 6 a year and always warn us. Not true, I can count on one hand the number of warning texts in 7 years and if we have good periods of weather they have done it a few times a week. Wouldn't have a problem if it was at the end of the garden.
I'm just upset as he was shouting at me, when it's me trying to calm my husband down over it and see it from both sides. Now he's been like that I won't be doing it anymore as it was just unbelievable and unnecessary. Then he went straight back to the garden party and said who wants prosseco (they also think we can hear nothing from their garden)
Aibu to think they should move it?

Liquid Ass.
Pour over the fence.

Some great suggestions on here!! Your 6 year old needs to have loads of footballs they kick at the fence during every BBQ. The constant bang-bang-bang of this used to ruin summer days for me.

My friend had a similar situation, environmental health visited and the neighbours were no longer allowed to use their bbq near the houses and boundary fence due to smoke nuisance - they no longer speak which is a blessing.....

Dont yoy need a lawn sprinkler in that corner, pointed upwards? So it rains down?

I mean if their BBQ works for them, your lawn sprinkler arrangements are working for you

I asked again as I was hoping they'd be reasonable and think that their selfish behaviour isn't acceptable to neighbours. They had a fall out with the other side a few years ago as they planted a tree that gets quite big on top of a drain that's not very deep, understandably the neighbour was worried about potential damage it could cause to her side yet she was basically told they'll do what they want. They had another fall out with another neighbour who called out the criminal behaviour of their drug addict son but they wouldn't have it. I'm seeing a pattern...

I mean after seeing them fall out with two other neighbours you were crazy to think you wouldn’t be next on the list.

I think this is possibly your only recourse. If smoke is filling your house that's a health hazard.

Sounds awful though OP I feel for you.

Love it

Always hoped it wouldn't as they're like surrogate grandparents to the kids and we considered them good friends. Even the kids say things like 'oh not another barbecue'

I second the jet wash idea!

Tongue in cheek, you need to get a hosepipe, so you can be watering every time they have a BBQ and accidentally put it out by spraying the hose!
Get the council involved - both for the impact on you/use of your house and garden and their attitude.
Record the number of times it happens and how they react when you ask them to move the BBQ.
FWIW we have a tiny outdoor fireplace which we use occasionally and one neighbour didn't even bother contacting us about it it complained to the council! We explained to the council and never heard from them again!!

You were not unreasonable to ask them to move it, and the shouting from them was definitely unreasonable, but I unfortunately don’t think there was much point in asking repeatedly.

7 out of 365 days isn’t that much really, so when they have a BBQ maybe go and sit elsewhere? You don’t need to sit in your conservatory do you? Just sit on the opposite side of the house.

People having a few BBQs in their own home isn’t particularly inconsiderate. Neither is having fireworks or the odd party. People can become very intolerant and think why should I have to put up with this….well it’s because you live close to other people. It’s not every day so I would just get over it!

Are you being a bit ott here? I have our bbq near our fence and our next door neighbours has theirs on the other side. I have never been bothered by their one and they have never said anything about our one. Ours doesn’t even produce that much smoke.

I actually agree with this, she has done something (albeit minimal) to try to help the situation and you have thrown it back in her face, you could have been a bit more charitable if you wanted any kind of productive relationship.

Also how big are the gardens? Unless they are massive is it really going to make that much difference? My laundry gets smoked out by the bbqs two gardens away.

No. How far is it from the actual house/windows? If it was a sensible distance I really wouldn't mind

I'm not bothered about the washing. I'm bothered that when we try to eat in our own home we're surrounded by the smoke stench that's been filtering in as it's next to us.

Photo added to show where their barbecue is (covered at the moment), that's my conservatory. Conservatory was their first.

Yeh. Leave it. There are far worse neighbours than those cooking sausages in their own garden trust me.

Whose overgrowth is that? Though it should help stop some of the smoke would be much worse I imagine with it gone.

I said before but I imagine especially from the image it’s because it’s out of the way of the rest of their garden but easy access for back and forth to the kitchen.

Sometimes I wish our bbq was closer to the kitchen for all the back and forth grabbing bits.

Wow that is close. I might need to use a mop to clean the conservatory roof with lots of clean water next time they’re bbqing.

A big fan pointed their way

That was my thought. Blow the smoke back at them; they can't complain since they told you it was fine.

That's their bamboo. Their kitchen is upstairs so doesn't make it easier for them

You asked. They said no. Not much you can do other than match their energy.

Do not feel you need to be considerate to them and feel free to light your own bbq/right up a fan/water the garden/play noisy games etcetc

They have said repeatedly they are entitled to do what they want so you are too!