AIBU to expect neighbours to move their barbecue away from our house?

[Tam182]

I'm just putting this out there for opinions! Sorry for the long post, I'm upset!

I'm no party pooper, people can have fun of course. But. Our next door neighbours bbq is against the wall, right by our house, about 1 metre from our house and right next to our conservatory (with the wall inbetween)
Over the years they have had many a bbq, the smoke and smell fills our house. Husband has asked numerous times for them to please move it, always brushed off, no compromise.
Last year things came to a head during a heat wave, where after 4 days in a row of bbq for dinner and sometimes lunch, plus singing in the garden until midnight, my husband lost it and shouted out. Admittedly not great from him but frustrated with it yet again. Since then a friendly relationship is basically non existent but I'm always pleasant and have always tried to be the peacekeeper and also see it from their point of view.
Today i did get a warning text so I could get my washing in, replied with thanks and kindly asking moving forward can they please move it away from the house as in the past we have been sat in our conservatory, which is our dining room, with smoke going into our eyes or in heatwaves close our windows so we don't cough or get headaches. Better coming from me than one from my husband. The wife read this out to their group of friends in the garden, 10 seconds later the husband comes round and was shouting at me on my doorstep, with my six year old there, that they'll do what they want to do, the bbq has been there for 15 years and it works for them. We can close our windows(great in the heat!)
They love a drink and a party, of course entitled to that, but I don't see why they can't move it. We have had a lot of noise from them since we moved in but I try to ignore it as I like them and it's not every day, during the summer it's a few times a week. When shouting at me he said they have maybe 6 a year and always warn us. Not true, I can count on one hand the number of warning texts in 7 years and if we have good periods of weather they have done it a few times a week. Wouldn't have a problem if it was at the end of the garden.
I'm just upset as he was shouting at me, when it's me trying to calm my husband down over it and see it from both sides. Now he's been like that I won't be doing it anymore as it was just unbelievable and unnecessary. Then he went straight back to the garden party and said who wants prosseco (they also think we can hear nothing from their garden)
Aibu to think they should move it?

Love this 😂

Every time I’m relaxing in my lovely garden my neighbours have their gardeners over with very noisy petrol leaf blowers. It certainly makes my garden less relaxing. Just an idea!

True. I was thinking of people who if you do something back it might dawn on them how it has been for others. But you are right. It could make it worse.
That said, there is no earthly reason why the OP couldn’t have a BBQ herself at all. But she might have to consider the flow of any breeze. Which is not guaranteed to land elsewhere.

This just reminds me of a few summers ago when they and their friends got hammered all day and were singing red red wine at the top of their voices about midnight 😆 at least they were inside but back doors were open

You need something that annoys them enough for them to consider changing their ways. Whilst i dont like poeple who dictate what someone else can do, it does seem unreasonable of them to have it right near your conservatory.

How difficult would it be for them to move it?

Maybe you just need to fight fire with fire so to speak. BBQ gets lit, you turn on the lawn mower. BBQ gets lit, you turn on the leaf blower. BBQ gets lit.....you get the gist.

No one likes to eat and chat to guest with too much noise going on so just be petty like they are being. Its not as if you are ruining a friendship. They are not interested.

Dont get involved in any discussions and if he comes around call the police.

I’m in two minds on this. You can’t really enforce rules on your neighbours, just hope that they might be considerate, and a BBQ is often on a patio and patios are generally just outside the house and so usually close to any neighbours.
I’m also always amazed by how intolerant some on MN are to smells - someone else’s cooking or, shock horror, a neighbour smokes! Is the smell of a BBQ really that bad? What are they cooking?
It’s life and living next to people is always going to bring issues.
That said, the partying to midnight and such sounds particularly difficult, so I do sympathise.

You could ramp it up. Maybe next time they do it have a bonfire!

My grandparents used to live next door to a family who had a BBQ every evening. Through winter and rain and wind. Even on Christmas Day. That was bizarre. Though can’t say that the smell particularly bothered any of us.

I’ll come and housesit for you while you go on holiday. I listen to heavy metal and have a very loud toddler my dog doesn’t make much noise so I won’t bother bringing him, but I will borrow my friend’s yappy cockapoo for the occasion. Let me know when you’d like to go away

Has anyone suggested a smoke detector on the outside of your conservatory?

That way EVERY single time they light up your detector is going to go apeshit. You can close your windows etc but they still have to put up with the noise. Now that really would piss them off.

Can you buy outside/waterproof alarms. If so this might be the way to go. Call it protection for your conservatory. You never know how dangerous a BBQ that close can be :-)

We only get about 7 sunny days in the UK though 😂

Set up a large fan, so the smoke blows back into their garden.

It isn't very neighbourly at all have you got yours in a similar place? If so maybe use it and they can see if they like it. They might be up for some negotiation then

Quick google. They do large industrial fans for £150. :)

NB we built a small patio at the end of the garden for our BBQ even though it's a gas one, and our fire pit is down there too. I think right outside the house isnt great for your own house as well as the neighbours.

So the OP and her dh are very upset that they can't enjoy their conservatory meal in peace. And people suggest stink bombs, industrial fans, load music, smelly fish...none of that is sounding very peaceful for the OP either. And I'm thinking the neighbour isn't going to back down - so let the battle commence and the OP's back garden will be like a war zone!
Be careful what you wish for OP - Trump started a hasty war, without considering how it would end - look at the mess he created.

Ugh I had this in my last house. Guy had the bbq pushed right up against our garden fence, so it was as far away from HIS house as possible, but we got all the smoke and stench. He literary didn't care. The houses were detached but sadly the gardens weren't.

In the same house, another neighbour was a builder, and would wait until we were out, and then literally used our driveway to store his bricks and cement! Never asked. Just helped himself. He literally saw no issue as "you're out anyway, what's the problem?" When he then started telling his wife's friends that it was OK for them to park in our driveway when we were out (again, didn't check with us and of course we'd have said no, that's totally not on) we decided to sell. Honestly, I don't know what was wrong with that guy.

Some people are just disgusting and lack the gene where you consider other people.

If you go the council route, make sure you're not selling any time soon, as you'll have to declare it.

Childish perhaps however if up against such inconsiderate behaviour I would play my music up LOUD if I hear they are entertaining. I'm into metal 😊 I normally only listen to it when driving as a show of consideration to my neighbours

I love the smell of a BBQ, so that wouldn't bother me, however, that looks like a real fire risk to me. Especially if they get drunk and don't put it out properly.

Wait until the morning after their loud BBQ party, pop round about 6am and ring their doorbell until they answer, then ask if they took a parcel in for you yesterday.

Wind chimes.

Or let the kids out to play early in the morning with some loud whistles.

I’d contact environmental health and show this photo. Take one when they’re barbecuing too.

This reminds me of a similar situation my parents found themselves in as newly weds in their first home, the next door neighbour’s son took up the trumpet and enjoyed practicing every evening, unfortunately it was an adjoining wall and even though my Dad asked politely the racket carried on, eventually they pushed him too far and he brought home two very large speakers and attached them to the radio and pushed them against the wall, trumpet playing started…radio was turned on…my Mum told me it was mysteriously quiet after a couple of days.

If the BBQ is so close to your fence as to represent a fire hazard then its a perfect excuse for hosing it down with the pressure washer - after you finish washing your patio and car.

What action was taken after that incident?

Wind chimes YES!!

Call the police very single time they do this after a civilised time!