AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

She was a couple of rows away not on a separate flight I really dont get the big deal

They were sitting near eachother on the outward bound journey she says in her OP?

And why weren't they sitting near each other on the return then? Because HE didn't bother to book the seats

Are we the only people who take a child EACH? We have always sat two and two, one pair behind the other pair, and the child who was most likely to kick the back of the seat in front would be in the behind pair. Divide and rule. Each parent gets a child. Nowadays the short straw is which parent gets the severely autistic child, while the other parent enjoys the quiet companionable young adult child...

Doesn’t work when the seats are 3 together , one away . I’d have thought popping back to see if one needed the toilet wasn’t unreasonable

I think a quick check in mid flight would have been the kind and reasonable thing to do for the person you presumably love.

Absolutely, I would have just gone up to say hi and see if the kids were enjoying the flight. And also have a quick word with them to see if they were excited/ enjoying the view/ had seen anything interesting.

Of course I trust my partner and I wouldn’t expect them to die if I hadn’t checked in but I think not to do so is a bit antisocial.

I would definitely have checked if they needed a hand going to the loo.

For future reference, getting a two and a two is a much better set up for flights. One parent per child, one window seat per child, no kids arguing with each other…

Ah so we’re not the only ones! I never understand why people choose a three and a single.

I feel for your children. Your language and turn of phrase is dreadful, between that and you ignoring them, I shudder at the appalling example you're setting them.

Yeah, most people can manage to make their own cup of tea, but if you were making one you’d usually offer to make one for your partner or anyone else that was there. Not because they can’t cope making their own tea, just out of general reasonableness.

In this situation I would have checked in at least, with two kids that age. But I know that’s not what you want to hear, Op so 🤷‍♀️

When my youngest was 4 it was awful doing 2 and 2. Tbf it was a 4.5 hour flight, but she did my head in asking the same questions over and over. I could have cried. Sitting with DH across the aisle was so much better as I had the kids by the window, and my DH to talk to across the aisle so I wasn’t just trapped in an endless question time with no respite 😂

I'd expect any parent to be able to sit with their own children for a couple of hours without requiring assistance. If he needed you, he should have picked up the two year old and left the five year old in their seat for the 15 seconds it would have taken him to walk a few rows down the aisle of a plane to come and ask you.

But Mumsnet seems to be full of parents - women and men - who think coping with their own children on their own for a couple of hours is a huge ask of anyone, and need their spouse at their side at all times.

What is the world coming to. A parent objects to talking to their child for a few hours.

I prefer three and one because that way one way you get a complete break for a couple of hours. (We take it in turns)

Reminds me of my friend. On their flight back, they were split up. They took their seats according to their boarding passes. The woman beside my friend's DH asked my friend if she wanted to swap seats to sit with her family. My friend said "no thank you" and gave her a big smile. Guess what, her DH was perfectly able to parent his own child for 3 hours.

Yes, it’s not usually the case for me to feel this way, but on an aeroplane with limited capacity to change the activity etc. she just did my head in that day, sorry 🤷‍♀️

Well done you taking the single seat! Most women would end up letting their husband have it! He is as much a parent as you and needs to be equally capable of looking after them and if he is not that’s on him! I hope he got a taste of how hard it is for you as I imagine like most mums you spend more time with them! I hope you enjoyed your flight!

I'm not sure what you mean? I can't imagine an airliner with 3 on one side of the aisle and one on the other. Unless you meant, you reserved seats in a row of 3 and then a solo one?

In which case, what I meant was, when you reserve your seats, does nobody else reserve two pairs? So you each have a child to sit with/deal with.

Yes, my DH and I did this for our first holiday, both ways as we thought we’d have the experience you seem to have!

I found it really difficult as I was “stuck” with my youngest who asked me questions constantly for 4.5 hours - often the same ones she had already asked and had answered like a loop. When I said I found it more enjoyable to have my kids on one side and my DH over the aisle to also have some other kind of conversation, I caused a MNetter to despair and ask what the world was coming to that I would object to spending a couple of hours talking to my child 🫣

Tbf we were two on one side of the plane and two on the other side, not one behind the other - so that does sound like a better set up being able to talk between the seats - and like you said if you have a chair kicker you can sit in front and not be worrying about annoying people which is something I never thought of!

Don't you just tell your child to stop asking bloody questions I certainly did with mine

I think it’s just normal to check in with your spouse if one of you has the kids solo? Like common decency?! I was sat next to DC6 on a 5 hour flight (DC regularly flies 10 hours so this was a “short” flight for her) and DH came by a couple times to check if I needed anything or wanted to switch. We ended up separated because we had booked DC and I together with miles and we got upgraded and he didn’t. I was fine but equally DC generally can be kind of irritating when you’re trapped next to them in a tin can… so just seems like common decency? Especially with 2 little ones, I’d be pretty fucked off if he didn’t check in, sometimes you just need a minute to think without small kids yapping at you!! It’s not a can’t look after them, just like polite?!

I tried a few tactics. Reminding her I’d already answered, trying to change the subject etc. She was only four at the time, but she was excited as it was her first time on a plane. I did my best and more than once said something like “please stop asking me questions you already know the answers to” but it’s not like a I had a magic wand that could just make her stop doing it.

Sympathies. You sound more patient than me. Id simply be like " stop talking for 10 mins" then close my eyes and pretend to sleep

My eldest could waffle on non-stop ( still can) and that was before they days you could give them an iPad to play with

I definitely did tell her to stop more than once. She might go quiet for half a minute and start up again. Yes all these people who think a flight with a 2 and 5 year old sounds like a lovely chance to connect with your kids must not have wafflers!