AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

Ok I’ve said this before. Mumsnet is a trip. 😝

I just think neither parent should be in that position on their own and it’s really surprising that this wasn’t a priority.

Of course YABU unless you're going to drip feed that he always does similar to you or you had an arrangement that you'd do the same on the way back, or something similar.

How do single parents who travel with multiple kids cope?

You’d not have thought to wonder down and say hi to your own children and husband? In 2 and a half hours with nothing else to do? Weird

If dh and I were in this situation we would have swapped seats half way through the furs, we are a team and work together. We wouldn’t just have left the other to it. That’s pretty selfish.

I guess they struggle. But if you have two parents then you don’t have to be in that situation. I think you’re grossly unreasonable to be honest. To be extent that I agree it reads like a reverse.

I’d be furious if I was the husband! You should have at least walked by and expressed sympathy.

If a man did this he would be flamed! I would have thought it reasonable for you to pop up and say 'hi' once during the flight. Seems like you were trying to make a point.

OP how would you have felt if he’d taken the single seat and not checked in with you?

YABU. We’ve been in a situation like this and swapped half way through. 2 year olds are hard work on short flights with not much space.

(And I say that as someone who’s flown solo from uk to aus with a 5 and a 2 yo. So I’m pretty resilient, but if there are 2 parents on the plane we don’t leave it to just one parent!)

Well, you may find out for yourself.

That is silly. It’s an enclosed space. What was going to happen? He loses them?

Sorry but both mother or father should be able to cope for 2,5 hours and the children ought to be able to behave for at least some of that time if you had brought snacks, toys, colouring etc.

Yes, I definitely would have gone to check in with my DH in this scenario, and my DH would have also checked in with me. Perhaps seeing if a swap was a good idea, in case the kids were being especially difficult.

I recently flew with my two 8yr olds. I was with them in a row and my DH was in the row in front. I can’t imagine that he wouldn’t have popped over to check on us had he been further away. Of course I can ‘cope’ with them, but it’s not about ‘coping’, it’s about the courtesy of knowing that flights can be a difficult environment for very little children and him caring about how it’s going. We’re on holiday, it’s ideal everyone is having a nice time.

Last flight I was on I watched a woman struggle to keep her two little ones entertained while her husband stuck his headphones on and had a nap. So yes, you’re being unreasonable. You should have offered to swap halfway through. And who doesn’t book seats in advance with young children? Expensive or not, you suck up the cost 🤷🏻‍♀️

Of course you know you're unreasonable and you're deliberately misinterpreting what he meant. Only someone who wanted to make some sort of passive aggressive point would do what you did.

I doubt anyone would be agreeing it was acceptable if he had taken the single seat and zoned out for two hours.

I think some of these responses are a bit over the top. We have done this on many occasions. It’s 2.5hrs, it’s a short haul flight. We’re both completely capable of looking after children on our own and it’s not really any trouble. It’s nice to give the other person a break for a few hours. We’d probably say hi on the way to the toilet, but we wouldn’t bother swapping on a flight that short. It’s something I actively look forward to when we go away, a few hours to myself with a drink and a book - very relaxing!!

"Checking in" is an expression which implies a hierarchical relationship in which one party is subordinate to another. Like students to a teacher or employees to a boss.

Wouldn't a swap half way through have been beneficial for the kids, too, a fresh face to play with/talk to?

I'm sure either parent would have managed on their own had that been necessary but with the luxury of both of you being there, why make it difficult?

Sounds like you pre agree to this though and still say hi at some point?

I think I would have offered to swap seats half way through so you both had some down time.

Let me guess, if it was you with the kids for 2.5 hours, he wouldn't have checked either?

2.5 hours is such a short time that it wouldn't occur to me to check that he was ''ok'' with his own kids.

Maybe if the flight was 4.5 hours and definitely if the flight was 8.5 hours but 2.5 hours? Really?

I dunno. I think you should have swapped half way but if he's the kind of dad who usually shirks all parenting duties to you and would have left you alone the whole flight I don't blame you for taking the chance to enjoy some peace and let him know what it's like.

Shortish flight, a grown man having to parent his own children. You were totally reasonable in having a peaceful flight. Bet it doesn’t happen very often.

I’m also kind of surprised the two year old placidly accepted this arrangement. Mine would have screamed for the other parent if they’d known they were somewhere else on the plane and it would have been a pain to keep them in their seat and stop them dotting between the two.