AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

Surely with those ages the fair thing would have been to swap halfway through

Would he have done the same if you were the one sitting with the children?

If it were a friend or your mum sitting with your kids op would you have popped up to see if they needed to go to the loo or if they were ok?

Why have you posted this thread? You dont seem to have any interest in finding out whether folk actually think you are being unreasonable given your borderline aggressive retorts to anyone who thinks you were indeed unreasonable (which is a resounding majority). Do you actually want any advice or were you just misguided enough to think this thread would give you enough ammunition to throw at your already hurt partner.

(Generally) women get told they need to make their needs known to their partners rather than expect them to guess, so its his own fault for not asking for help if he needed it.

What a wet blanket. Hope you enjoyed the drink and book.

Because that’s the same thing….🤦🏻‍♀️

Not quite On the plane you know exactly where they are, you know there's not been a major accident involving them or they aren't stuck in a burning house.

At home you know they have their own toys and usual routine.

On a plane a parent may need the toilet or one of the children does and those toilets are not designed to all 3 of you go into. Also planes can make children’s ears very painful and therefore they are not settled/comfortable.

I just think checking in on the other parent is a decent thing to do whether it was mum or dad sat with the kids.

We would have split it. I would have got up after an hour and gone to check.

Ugh how the hell do you suppose we all travel with kids when there isn't a 2nd parent with us.

Yes but when both parents are there that’s not the scenario is it? All she had to do was check in. I’m sure had the roles being reversed she would posted on here that DH was being unreasonable not checking in on her.

This is what I mean by ‘checking in’ also.

It does seem very weird to not check in on him and your children and just pretend you were flying alone.

I’m not sure I’ve seen a single post suggesting any husbands can’t cope. Simply that they all actually like each other.

This.

My husband would volunteer to sit with the kids. Tell me to enjoy the time to myself. He would not just cope he would thrive spending one on one time with the kids. I would still check in on him as that’s the decent thing to do to someone you love.

He didn't on the way out

He didn’t, but he was physically present and if one of the kids had started being sick or kicking off, he (presumably) would have stepped in to help. Because whilst OP could cope I’m sure, it’s nice to have a helping hand in sure circumstances.

Whereas OP wasn’t in view and didn’t check whether DH was having a big issue & could do with a hand.

If I’m wrong and DH wouldn’t have stepped in to help whatever happened, then OP was entirely NBU not to have checked in.

Surely it’s just courtesy to check that the other person (whoever it may be) looking after your children is doing ok and that one of the kids hasn’t vomited or choked or shit themselves. Nothing to do with having a useless husband and everything to do with being a thoughtful person🤷‍♀️

You should have checked if he wanted a break definitely.

So she should check but he didn't have to on outward bound journey?

On the outward journey he was next to her, just across the aisle!

And whose fault was it that she wasn't sat near him on the return?

My response kind of depends on how good he is on checking in on you the rest of the time

I used to fly with two small children on my own 3-4 times a year to visit my parents in another country. It’s really not that hard. You were 15 seats down if he needed you. What did he want you to check in for?

I’m pretty sure using the fact that single parents manage to cope with something is a spectacularly awful argument in almost any situation. What a wonderful (I obviously mean appalling) get out for those that can’t be fucked to parent! ‘Darling, I could use your help here, little Harold has just vomited up breakfast, the dinner smells like it’s burning and little Timothy is trying to run off into the road!’
‘Do it yourself, I’m watching the footie. How do you think single parents cope?’

In fact the argument that other people do and have coped is a shite argument in general. People in some countries ‘cope’ in war zones or with water being a 5 mile walk away. Coping is not a choice it’s a necessity. People manage to do extraordinary things. But when the choice is there the argument that others cope is just rather mean.

Unless there is some huge drip feed here and you parented single handed and or then drove 6 hours to the airport, you were just being cheeky and got away with a nice 2.5 hour break. Now that’s fine, sometimes we all take a moment and need to be selfish. But you have to be honest and hold your hands up to that. Going on MN to get others to stand up for you and attack your DH for being a parenting wimp is unfair.

I mean obviously, if this were reversed and DH had left you alone for the flight all hell would be unleashed by MN.