AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

[Dhflightsulk]

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

The question is not “could he cope”. Most parents can cope if they have no choice.

The question is “would it have been right to check in, in case he was having a nightmare and could do with help”

No but he could have pressed the call bell & asked the Steward to find you.

Neither you or DH is a single parent though. You should have taken turns. While we pay to sit beside each other my DH and I would have swapped half way through in this instance....then again we have a complete 50/50 partnership.

In this situation I would have checked in/ offered to swap halfway and so would my partner. Even if I had said I was happy to sit with the children for two hours I think he would have popped over a few times to check all was ok/ ask if I needed anything.

She said he was sat across the aisle on the way out so it's likely he was involved and on hand unless he's an absolute ass hat

When we fly i sit with DS1&DS2 as i don’t really like sitting next to random people, due social anxiety. Every flight, DH immediately puts his headphones in and watches something or will go to sleep. Completely ignores us. My kids don’t sleep on planes so it’s hard work for me and I never get to nap.

If he didn’t like this arrangement maybe next time agree to split each leg, so that you do half/ half of each journey?

With him taking the first half each time of course to make sure he does it.

My kids are teenagers now and they just take pictures of me once I’ve fallen asleep - which is so much better than when I couldn’t have the sleep! They wouldn’t send it to anyone, they’re nice really.

Do you not challenge him re this? Sounds awful!

I cant believe 64% think Yabu.

What is the matter with everyone? 2.5 hours in chairs in the same plane and the mum has to go and check on everyone? And the accusations that she was selfish to sit and read? It's a plane. You sit on it, survive the ordeal and then get off the other end. What do people think would happen to them in those 2.5 hours?

Newsflash......Men can parent quite well alone and do not need supervision. In fact they often do better when they know that there wont be someone swooping in and taking over.

Mothers are no more indispensable than fathers are!

I'm sure the point's already been made (sorry, this thread is too long to read every post) that if it had been OP with the kids OPing about her DH who didn't even bother to wander down to see how everyone is, the DH would have been slaughtered in this thread.

My DH absolutely would have coped fine. But I'd still have had a wander down to say hi and check in. And if it was the other way around, he'd have walked down and checked on us too.

I can more or less guarantee that no man has ever
A) posted similar on a blokes forum (about not helping his wife)
B) then been told by the majority of posters that he was BU

OP said they had made an arrangement, she did the outward flight and DH did return. He appears to have got in a piss when it came to his turn.

For me, the most annoying part would be him passively 'enduring' without asking for help, then sulking afterwards because she didn't read his mind. Really unattractive.

Or asked before they were all seated if she would pop back and check.

OP appears to be being berated for not anticipating his needs or taking all the responsibly for the emotional labour of ensuring he was ok. He's an adult.

I would have checked in a couple of times. More to say hello and show my face than anything else. Just for a wee minute or two. But then DP would definitely have done the same for me when the children were small. Unless he fell asleep🤣

I wouldn't have checked in and I wouldn't have expected him to check on me either. It was 2.5 hours. What would there be to check on?

Yes, I have but when we have swapped and he sat with the kids he did the same thing. I was then woken by the kids as he was asleep with ear phones in, or he had woken me by snoring. Normally he shares the load, but on flights he is selfish. He knows I don’t like sitting next to strangers, men in particular, as I was groped by a man when I was asleep on a flight to our honeymoon.

I’m so sorry that happened to you OP. How appalling. You poor thing.

He does sound astonishingly selfish! We would all like to just switch off and have a break from kids on a flight. How on earth does he manage it when he’s the one sitting with them?

Awful that he’s taking advantage of what happened to you too.

My husband could cope fine, but it still wouldn't stop me checking if I could help at some point during the flight.

That’s terrible

No one’s saying they can’t, he would do it for me too, it’s just nice

OP, did you book the holiday? Plan the itinerary? Buy the sun cream? Pack the kids’ suitcases? Sort the passports? Arrange for the bins to be taken out?

I do those things. I take the quiet seat, DH gratefully accepts this deal!

My DH hates me checking-in on him when he's alone with the kids. He thinks I'm implying he can't cope and sees it as a great insult.

I don't think I'd expect him to come and swap seats half way or check-in. I'd take the kids and get him if there was a problem.

It’s not really odd for us, our (then) 2yr old is completely happy with either me or their dad. They’re used to spending time with either one of us on their own. We did shared parental leave so spent days individually look after them for longer periods (and at time one of us was working from home so knew we were around.

Yes, some people would be annoyed and I don’t think it’s odd that they would be as I don’t think every family dynamic is the same as ours. Equally I don’t think our dynamic is odd either as I’d imagine others are capable of understanding that their family set up isn’t like everyone else’s too.

I would probably have checked they were all ok. But your DH was parenting his own children so you weren’t totally unreasonable